A Comedy of AR's

Chapter 44
Does He Play With it a Lot?

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“Congratulations, Derrek.  You’ve reached puberty.”

That got me worried.  “I thought I couldn’t shoot cum until I was thirteen.”

“Well Derrek, maybe you’re already thirteen and don’t even know it.  Today on the boat, you couldn’t remember if you were ten or eleven.  That’s pretty weird.  Besides, you’re not really shooting cum … It’s more like a dribble.”

I sighed.  “Yeah, and it’s just a good thing that only our bunnies were having sex.”

There was a knock at Penelope’s bedroom door.  I immediately jumped out of her bed and grabbed bunny rabbit to shield my privates from view.  She got up and unlocked her door, welcoming in three nude adults … Sammantha, Gladstone, and his wife, Illuminada.

Not more than a second passed before all the adults started laughing hysterically.

Gladstone grinned and commented, “What the hell are you kids doing in here?  You’re so loud, you probably woke up the neighbors … and I have to say, Derrek, that’s a pretty odd place for a bunny rabbit to be holding his carrot.”

“Our bunnies were having sex, Daddy … since Derrek isn’t allowed to.”

Sammantha giggled, “Are you hiding something, Derrek?  Move your bunny rabbit away.  You’re not leaving the room until you show us.”

I instantly became erect again.  My face must have turned purple as I raised bunny rabbit to a chest-high level.  More hysterical laughing followed as I revealed my ‘star-spangled penis’.

Sammantha pointed and giggled, “What happened to you, sweety?”  Then she commented to the adults, “See, this is exactly what happens when you allow children to play unsupervised.”

(Children?  In that moment, I did feel like a child.  I felt like a two-year-old.  My penis and the bunny’s penis were both sticking up almost vertical.  All I was missing was my diaper and my binky.)

“Sammantha, we were doing arts and crafts,” Penelope declared proudly.

“And you did a great job, girl.  With a couple of flags, you’re both ready to march in the Fourth of July parade.”

Illuminada stepped forward and gushed, “You kids are so adorable!  Penelope, hand me your phone so I can take a picture of the two of you together.”

(Great, more public humiliation.  Those three boys called it right.  I’m a fairy princess sissy.)

Illuminada made some hand signals.  “Derrek, raise your rabbit a little.  We want to make sure we get your penis in the picture … Okay, and let’s have a little smile too … no, no, a bigger smile … that’s better, great.  Hold that pose, kids.  (click)  Sammantha, I’ll email you a copy of that picture.  Your son gets an awful lot of erections.”

Sammantha nodded.  “He’s a very excitable little boy.  Whenever he’s happy, he gets hard.”

“Does he play with it a lot?”

“Oh yes, almost every day.  But I’ve told him that it’s perfectly normal for a little boy to masturbate, and it’s not a naughty thing to do.  But I have to admit that sometimes I’m surprised by Derrek’s creativity.  Once I found him sticking his penis into a vacuum cleaner hose.  He turned it on and pretended it was a vagina.”

Penelope giggled with delight and put a hand on my shoulder. “Derrek, did you really do that?  I would love to watch you!  Sammantha, what else does he do?”

“He likes to cut a deep hole into a cantaloupe to make another artificial vagina.”

I grinded my teeth and moaned, “Mom, can we please not talk about this?”

“It seems he enjoys the moistness and the texture of the fruit … But one time, he put it back in the refrigerator and thought I wouldn’t notice.

Penelope looked at me.  “Ewww, that’s gross, Derrek.  What were you thinking?”

“He also rubs his bunny rabbit on his penis all the time, and not just for good luck.  Bunny rabbit is very soft and I guess he pretends it’s his girlfriend since he doesn’t have any real girlfriends.”

“Thanks a lot, Mom,” I grumbled.

“Oh, that’s so darling,” Illuminada cooed.

“And today, his bunny was my boyfriend!” Penelope laughed.  “What else?  What else?”

(My face was turning three shades of deep red … and my glittery sparkling boner was getting even harder, if that was possible.)

“Well, I can always tell when Derrek is masturbating.  He can’t help but yell out ‘no,no,no,no,no’ when he reaches his climax.”

“That’s right!” Penelope called out.  “He did it tonight too, when I was jacking him off.”

Sammantha folded her arms across her chest.  “Well, he also sometimes likes to spank himself.”

“Mom!  Stop it!” I yelled.

Penelope giggled again and poked me in the ribs with a finger. “Why do you like to do that, Derrek?  Doesn’t Mommy spank you enough when you’re naughty?”

“Well, I’ve noticed that when I do spank him, he always gets an erection, so it must excite him very much.”

“Illuminada replied, “Well, then maybe it’s not an effective punishment for the boy if he enjoys it.”

Samantha mused, “I don’t know … I can spank pretty hard.  But several times, I caught him ‘borrowing’ my fifteen-inch sorority paddle.”

“Oh!” Penelope called out.  “That’s the one that has holes drilled through it to reduce wind resistance.”

“Derrek,” Sammantha blurted, “Why did you discuss our paddle with Penelope?  Did you tell her I was a bad mom?”

I shrugged and looked at the floor.  “No, Mom.  I just said that sometimes you were strict.”

“You’re darn right, I’m strict.  But with the way you behave at times, don’t you think I need to be?”

I shrugged my shoulders again.

“Well anyway, Illuminada, there are times in our apartment when I hear noises that sound like ‘Whack … Whack … Whack!’ coming from Derrek’s bedroom.  Sometimes, he forgets to close his door all the way and I can see him laying on his tummy on the bedcover, facing the foot of the bed with his left arm draped over the edge.  He’s totally naked of course and he has his pillow propped under his crotch to force his butt to protrude upward.  And somehow, he has his right arm behind him holding his bunny and he was spanking himself backhanded with the paddle.”

Gladstone nodded.  “Sounds like he’d have to be pretty athletic to do that.”

“Well, the cutest part is that he was whimpering and actually crying tears … and sniveling quietly saying ‘please stop, bunny rabbit, it hurts so much’. 

Illuminada smiled.  “Aw, that’s so darling.  Did you take his picture then?”

“No, I just spoke to him through the crack in his door.  I said ‘Can I have a turn paddling your butt?’  … He was so embarrassed that he rushed to his door and slammed it shut, and didn’t come out of his room for hours.  He kept crying though.  I wasn’t sure if it was because of the paddling or because I caught him.

Penelope laughed again and gave me a punch in the shoulder, saying, “You are so funny, Derrek.”  The girl wasn’t done.  “Samantha, tell us more!  What other weird-ass stuff have you caught Derrek doing?”

“Well, he uses the same position on his bed when he has bunny rabbit stick the grey end of a large chisel-tip round marker up his anus … with plenty of vaseline of course.”

“Eww, why would he do that?”

“He’s pretending that his bunny is raping him, in and out, in and out … same routine though.  He cries and says again ‘please stop, bunny rabbit, you’re hurting me’.  Derrek thinks I can’t hear him when his door is closed.

(I think I was beginning to suffer from priapism, a prolonged painful erection which requires a medical injection to alleviate … or in my case, a quick dunk in an ice cold glass of Coca-Cola.)

“Once, I came home from work early and he didn’t hear me come in.  When I got to my bedroom, I found Derek prancing in front of the mirror dressed as a girl.”

I covered my face with my hands and sniveled, “Mommm, can we please not discuss this?”

 Sammantha ignored me.  “Needless to say, he was quite embarrassed, almost mortified.”

“Did you spank him for that?” the girl asked.

“Oh no, but I couldn’t stop laughing.  The best part is that he could have passed himself off perfectly as a little girl anywhere.  Boys your age would have found him quite attractive.  And one actually did.”

“Really?  What was he wearing, Sammantha?”

“Well, I discovered that he had started out by taping his penis back between his legs, near his butt hole, so that he wouldn’t have a bulge in front.  Then he selected a pair of my panties that had hearts on it.”

Penelope giggled and touched my arm again.  “That’s so cute, Derrek.”

Then he picked out a medium length, black and white, pleated dress … and one of my sports bras.  It was kind of a dress-up look.

“Did he stuff your bra?”

“With a few socks.  Then he added red lipstick, eye shadow, and blush which is weird because I don’t use those.  He must have bought it on his own.  And I have to compliment Derrek’s taste in womens’ shoes.  He picked out my black Bebe Janysa dress pumps … very stylish, although he needed a little practice walking in them, and we have about the same size feet … they complimented his pleated dress perfectly.”

Penelope cupped her right hand over my ear and whispered, “My pussy’s getting wet again listening to this.”  Then she asked Sammantha, “Did you make Derrek throw your panties in the wash?”

“Well, not right away … “

“Mom, please don’t say how it ended,” I begged.

“Uh oh,” Penelope uttered.  “Sounds like the best part is coming.  You can’t hold back on that, Sammantha.”

Mom practically boasted, “I named my new daughter ‘Precious’ and I took her out to dinner at Olive Garden.”

More peals of laughter followed.  Everyone was laughing except me.

“And while we were waiting for a table, a twelve-year-old boy started hitting on her.”

“How did Precious react to that?” asked Penelope, with a big smile.

“Not so well.  We had dinner with the boy and his father, after which, they invited us to a movie and popcorn.  But the boy couldn’t keep his hands off her, so she showed him her imaginary vagina … and that ended the date.”

“Wow, sounds like Precious will have a hard time keeping a boyfriend.”

Sammantha added, “When Precious had to go to the ladies’ restroom, two women told her she looked adorable and asked her if she had started her menstrual cycle yet.  They tried to feel up her boobies too.”

Penelope cackled, “Oh, I would love to dress you up as a girl, Derrek, right here in my room.  Can you guys stay a little longer tonight?”

I backed away from her.  “No … I can’t.”

She leaned into me again and held my arm.  “Derrek, you’re the most interesting boy … or girl I’ve ever met.  I just can’t get enough of your antics.  I really like you.  Don’t be shy.  Tell me what else you’ve done.”

I grumbled, “No, I’m not saying anything.  And Mom, I don’t want you saying anything more either.”

Penelope reverted back to her ‘sing-songy’ voice.  “Sammaaaaantha??? … Please tell me moooooooooore.”

Sammantha was obviously on a roll.  “Well, sometimes, he likes to blow bubbles into his penis to make his scrotum sound like a croaking bull frog.”

This time, howls of loud laughter followed.

Gladstone chortled, “I’m afraid we’re going to need you to elaborate a bit on this one, Sammantha.”

“Well, Derrek usually does this after going potty.”

Penelope looked at me.  “Going potty?  What are you, like two years old?”

“Nooooooooo,” I whined.