A Comedy of AR's

Chapter 3
CHAPTER 103 ………. Biology Lab: Showing Off My Penis

Chapter Description: Images for this story can be found at the following web...... https://sites.google.com/view/comedy-ars-characters/home

   CHAPTER  103

“Now, as you continue to work, I want all of you to come into the back room with me, one pair at a time.”

“Why?” I asked the professor with a bit of curiosity.

“Because I’m going to expose my penis to you.  You and Hoshiko can be first.”

I tepidly asked our instructor, “But won’t you get fired?”

“It’s okay, Principal Glass has already seen it… She said that because of its size, it would probably be better to show you privately in the back room.   It may be large, but looking at it up close can still be a valuable part of your learning experience … There’s a good chance that I may have the biggest penis of any middle school teacher in the country.”

“Can we touch it?” asked Sania Nutts.

“You can,” the professor replied.  “And you may be a bit surprised at how hard it is.  You can even take a picture of it… just don’t sell the pictures on the internet.”

Hoshiko was reluctant.  “I don’t want to go in there,” she told me.

“But we’re lab partners, Hoshiko.  We should do this together.  I’m sure it will be fine … Come on, let’s go.”

Reluctantly, she followed me in.  We stayed no longer than thirty seconds and the exhibition of his penis was nothing like he led on.

All the other kids were begging, “Derek!  What did you see?”  I just waved them off and offered, “It’s a lot bigger than I thought.  You might not want to get too close.  If the professor asks you to drop your pants, don’t do it.  You’ll see.”

After a while, it was clear that some of the students were disappointed that Professor Clinkenbeard did not unzip his fly as he proudly displayed the six-foot tall specimen of a humpback whale.

“This little guy was a juvenile,” he told the class.  “The normal bull humpback penis is about ten feet long.”

“Starline could still use it as a dildo,” joked Randy.

“Shut up, you and your itty bitty prick,” she retorted.

Professor Clinkenbeard pointed to the back of the class.  “Goro, why are you licking your penis?”

“It’s part of the scientific method, Professor.  Taste could be an important part of the mating process.”

“Don’t believe my partner,” said Showkat.  “He tells people all the time to go suck dead donkey dicks … and he just wanted to see what it was really like.”

The instructor responded, “Well, at least you’ve correctly identified your mammal.  That’s impressive.”

“Yeah,” replied Goro.  “And we named him Eeyore, Winnie the Pooh’s buddy.”

“Are there any other tables ready to present to the class?” asked the professor.

Hoshiko and I looked at each other.  She nodded … and even volunteered to hold up our two-foot long specimen at the front of the class as I gave our report.

“We believe that what we’ve got here is a dolphin penis, so we named him ‘Flipper’ … 24 inches long, two inches in diameter, pink in color, fairly smooth.  But Flipper’s most unusual feature is the proboscis at the tip.  It’s like an extra finger, similar to the one at the tip of an elephant’s trunk.”

Hoshiko added, “The internet said that he usues the proboscis to stimulate the female.”

“Does he grab her pussy?” asked Randy, to a chorus of giggles.

Hoshiko looked at me puzzled and asked, “What is pussy?”

I needed to conclude our presentation.  “Randy, I think that’s the general idea.  Scientists have determined that female dolphins have working clitorises and that the couple can have sex for pleasure just like humans can.  Thank you.”

“But what if the female has a headache?” Randy followed up.

We returned to our table and I repeated my words to her in Japanese.  “Arigato.” (Thank you).

She replied, “Do-ee-tash-ee-mash-tay.”  (You’re welcome).   And then she added, “But what is ‘pussy’?”

I whispered, “The female organ.”

Professor Clinkenbeard noted, “That was very good, Derrek and Hoshiko.  For those of you who are still struggling, I’m posting a list of mammals on the front board along with their typical penile length in inches.  Your specimen will come from somewhere on this list.”

Shrew  1/5 inch

Mouse  1/2

Cat  1 

Gorilla  2

Echidna  3

Baboon  4

Tiger  5

Human  5.5

Dog  7

Bear  9

Hippo  10

Pig  18

Horse  19

Donkey  20

Dolphin  24

Walrus  25

Bull  30

Giraffe  48

Rhinoceros  50

Elephant  65

Humpback whale  120 (10 feet)

“Is there another table ready to present their findings?” asked the instructor.  “Madeline and Doll?  If you’re ready, then let’s hear it.”

The pair stood up and came forward to face the class.  Madeline daintily held a penis in her right hand, and oh, how I wished it was my penis she was holding.  It was shear torture for me, watching the ‘girl next door’ nearly laughing as she wiggled a penis in front of us.  I sat only a few feet away.  Hoshiko had no idea I had a raging hard-on.

“Well,” Madeline started, “we think we’ve got a tiger penis and it’s about five inches long.  We named him ‘Woods’.”

That made my jaw drop.  The last thing Sammantha said to me before I boarded the school bus this morning was ‘Go get ‘em, tiger’.  I had to consciously prevent my mouth from drooling.

Doll Furbush added, “Feline males all have barbs like prickers on their penis which help keep it stuck in the female, so mating might be a little painful for her.”

Madeline smiled as she wiggled her penis.  “And all cats and dogs have a bone in their boner called a baculum to help with penetration.  Apes have them too, but not humans.”

A real bone in their boner?  That’s a good factoid, but I was more concerned about the boner in my crotch.  I rested my chin in my hands and began undressing Madeline with my eyes.  She had such a nice pussy … a pussy next door for a girl next door.  Zeroing in on the center of her jeans, my eyes penetrated the denim and her cotton panties like when Superman uses his super vision.  Madeline’s vagina was very special to me.  There was nothing she could do to hide it.  I knew it was there.

I had my fingers in her this morning … in my hallway fantasy.  She became very moist.  But the fantasy made me late for class and earned me my first detention.  So what?  The buds on her late-blooming chest hid beneath a loose baggy sweatshirt.  I found no training bra this morning as my hands went up her back to explore her torso.  The fantasy felt quite real to me, which was why I didn’t hear the bell ring for second period.

Madeline was my ‘un-obtainium’, the substance in the movie ‘Avatar’ which acquired that name because no one could obtain it.  I just wanted to wrap my arms around her unassuming body and squeeze it as long as I wanted to.

But I knew damn well that if I tried to do anything like that in real life, she would slap my face and stop talking to me.  I had to laugh at myself.  I’m twelve and I had a secret crush on a girl in the seventh grade at my school.

Professor Clinkenbeard announced, “Batty and Grey Wolf … You seem to have a very unusual animal on your table.  Are you ready to present?”

My teammates nodded and came to the front with the weirdest looking penis I had ever seen.  I commented, “That has to be a fake.  Isn’t it, Professor?”

“No, Derrek,” he replied.  “We’re here to learn, not joke around.”

The penis that Batty held up was only about three inches in length, but it got the class’s attention.  “We had to use our chromebooks for help,” he said, “because the echidna is the only animal with a four-headed penis.”

Once again several girls said, “Eeeeeewwwwwww.”

“What’s an echidna?” asked Tou Young

Grey Wolf answered, “It’s kind of hard to explain.  It sort of looks like a hedge hog with spikes, but it’s actually related to the platypus because it’s the only other mammal that lays eggs.  They live around Australia.”

“Tell us about your penis!” Showkat yelled at his teammates.

Batty answered, “Okay, so this penis is red and it has four heads.  So we named him ‘Stud’.  The echidna’s penis splits in two, and each of the two parts has two heads … so when he wants to have sex, two of the four heads ejaculate semen.”

“That’s just crazy,” said Sania Nutts.

“It’s worse than golf,” added Randy.  “How does he know which club to pull out?  I think god screwed up.”

“He screwed up when he made you, Randy,” Batty shot back.

“Enough, children,” stated the professor.  “Randy and Sally, take your places up front.”

“Aaahhhhh Haahhhh,” the class laughed when Sally held up their tiny penis in a snack bag.

“We need a microscope to see yours, Randy,” Batty added to the fray.

“We think it’s a rodent, a mouse penis,” said Sally.  “They have sex all day long and have a bone thingy in their penis.”

“You’re close,” said the professor.  “It’s actually a shrew, which is not a rodent, but does have a baculum … and class, enough jokes about the size of Randy’s penis … Are there anymore volunteers, or do I have to pick a table?   Hmm, how about Starline and Duchess?”

The girls approached the front of the room as Starline held up their penis specimen close to her mouth as if it were cigar she was smoking, tapping the pretend ashes off the tip.  If her goal was to send her classmates into hysterics, it worked.

“Settle down people,” the instructor warned.

“Hey Starline,” said Showkat, “did you pick that up in the boys’ locker room?  It has to be one of your old boyfriends.”

Buster LaFrance noted, “I’ll bet there’s some boy in this school missing his junk.  You should probably put it in the lost-and-found after the bell rings.”

“Did you taste it yet?” asked Goro.

“You guys are so stupid,” Duchess shot back.  “There are still some apes on the list, and that’s why we figured out it has to be from a baboon.  There is no way on god’s green earth that this school would have seventh grade students playing around with a detached human penis.”

“Uh, girls,” said Professor Clinkenbeard.

“Yes?”

“It’s a human penis.”