A Comedy of AR's

Chapter 39
CHAPTER 139 .......... Get a Room

Chapter Description: 4 new pictures added 11/12/23 Images for this story can be found at the following web...... https://sites.google.com/view/comedy-ars-characters/home

CHAPTER  139

“Let’s have sex on a roller coaster.  I would let Major hold my legs while we ride, so they don’t get in the way.  It would be a great fit.  I would slide right onto your erection and hold on to you with my arms.  My torso would go up and down and we go up and down.  Does that interest you, Derrek?”

I tilted my head.  “Hmm … That does sound like fun, Shilo.  Except I would be worried that there might be parents with young kids sitting behind us.”

“Why would that bother you, Derrek?  If those parents asked us to have sex with their kids, we would just say no.  That is a human taboo, is it not?”

“That wouldn’t be the only problem, Shilo.  Without your legs, you wouldn’t be tall enough to ride the ride.”

“I see … Well, I need to ask you something, Derrek.  You see, my circuits do not express actual anger, but since I am trying to blend in with the humans around me I would like to pick out an appropriate expression that would make me appear to be an angry or frustrated human.”

“Okay.”

“So would ‘Jesus H Fucking Christ!’ be acceptable?”

(My eyes widened on that one.)  “Uh, no, Shilo.  That’s a little harsh.  What I would suggest you to do is clench both of your fists and say ‘Oh Fiddlesticks!’”  (The name of my cherished cat comes in handy.)

“You mean I’m too short to ride the roller coaster?  Oh Fiddlesticks!”  (With clenched fists.)

“There you go … perfect.”

Shilo broke into a nice smile.  “Okay, well how about if we’re the first couple to have sex on the summit of Mount Everest?”

I briefly considered her proposal.  “That would definitely be a ‘world first’, Shilo … but I have performance problems when my balls gets cold.”

“We could buy a ball warmer on Amazon.”

“But we’d also have to carry oxygen tanks with us, and those can get pretty heavy.

“Oh, Fiddlesticks … Well, how about if we have sex while bungee jumping?”

“Well, assuming it doesn’t give me a spinal compression fracture, the five seconds in air doesn’t give us a lot of time to get the job done.  And I would worry about slipping out of you on the rebound.”

“Fiddlesticks … Well, how about having sex on an elevator?”

“That’s probably been done before … and to test your humor, I’ll let you look up the punchline for doing it on an elevator.”

“Hold on … Okay, I think I’ve got it … It would be wrong on so many levels?”

“Bingo.”

“Okay, well how about sex on a motorcycle?”

“Geez, Shilo, I don’t have a death wish.”

“Fiddlesticks … Well how about having sex on a submarine?

“I hate to burst your bubble, Shilo, but since women were allowed to serve on U.S. navy subs in 2010, there’s been plenty of it on board.”

“Don’t these Navy girls have anything better to do?  Well how about having sex in the back seat of a self driving car?”

“Wouldn’t that be one of your relatives? … like a dumber sibling?  The two of you could be sharing the same motherboard.”

“Derrek, a car is not a sentient being, despite TV shows to the contrary such as ‘Nightrider’ and ‘My Mother the Car’.   Talking to a self driving car is like trying to have an intelligent conversation with a toaster.”

“I think they’re still dangerous, but not as much as a motorcycle.”

“So can we do it, Derrek?”

“As long as I’m twelve in my current condition, I’d have to get my mom’s permission first.”

“Fiddlesticks … Well how about on a galloping horse?”

“I think my balls would get squashed every time we landed on the saddle.”

“Fiddlesticks … How about sex in outer space?  We could join one of the civilian operated space programs.”

“I’m sure Sammantha would like that, but it really scares me.  Shilo, don’t you have any fear or any overriding program for self-preservation.”

“Fear, no … self-preservation, yes.  Don’t the two go hand in hand?  But I guess I also have to take into account your human fears because, while my body can be put back together in most cases, yours can not.”

“So, Shilo, are we in agreement then that the best place for us this evening is in Major’s guest bedroom … and we’ll save the ‘creative’ places for another time?”

The young woman smiled and nodded very realistically.  “Of course, Derrek …  Major, would you like to watch us?”

My teacher looked across the table at her.  “Now Shilo, I’ve told you that intercourse is not a spectator sport.”

“Yes, you have told me that, Major.  But Kara-Okay is.  Can we give Derrek a demonstration on our piano?”

I turned to my teacher.  “Major you really ‘killed’ it on the keyboard last night.  None of the kids knew you had so much talent.”

“Part of bringing Shilo on screen and playing in the band is to try to rehabilitate my undeserved reputation as a ‘loser’.”

“In math terms, Major, you did a 180 degree turnaround.”

“Thanks, Derrek.  But Shilo can already play better than me.”

“With no lessons?”

“Derrek,” said Shilo, “even the ancient philosophers agreed that music was a form of mathematics … with rhythm, timing, scales, symmetry, wavelength, frequency.  I’ve yet to compose music but to ‘copy and paste’ is quite easy for a computer.”

“So you’re like a player piano?”

“Or maybe a music box.  Derrek, name a good song that has some piano movements.”

“Dancing Queen?”

“You got that, Major?” she asked.  “Bring your ventriloquist dummy, me, over to the piano bench.  It’s time to limber up the little hydraulics in my fingers.  We can be a duet if you know this music.”

“Yes, I know the song,” replied Major.  “You can have the ‘east’ 44 keys.  I’ll take west.”

Wow … these two got right into it in a dazzling duet.  There was nothing ‘computer-ish’ about the way Shilo played.  And all the emotions of a musician displayed on her face.  She was ridiculously human looking as she sang and hit the keys.

You are the dancing queen
Young and sweet
Only seventeen

Dancing queen
Feel the beat from the tambourine, oh yeah
You can dance
You can jive
Having the time of your life

Ooh, see that girl
Watch that scene
Digging the dancing queen

When they finished, I was so impressed, it was hard to come up with the right words.  “You two should do a concert.  You complement each other so well.  It’s frickin beautiful to listen to your duet.  I even forgot that you were singing too.”

The young woman nodded.  “So you see, Derrek.  This is why Major and I enjoy Kara-Okay together.”

“It’s good that you used the word ‘enjoy’, Shilo,” I said.  “It shows that you do have real feelings.  Did you want to play another song?”

“No, let’s fuck.”

(I guess that’s one way to change the subject.)

“Take off all your clothes, human.”

Well, I would have to say that the young lady was very direct in her wishes.

Major gave me some advice.  “Derrek, I’m going to carry Shilo into your guest bedroom.  The rest is up to you and her.  I’ll clean up the dining room and watch TV after that.”

“Okay.”

“And don’t call for me unless it’s an emergency.  I really don’t care what you two do in there or how much noise you make.  If you have fun, that’s a good thing.  And, please, you don’t have to do what she says, just because she says it.”

“I’ll try to be a credit to my species, Major.”

“Smartass.”

“Can you just stand her up in front of the mirror to start?”

Shilo sassed, “Oh, you mean like a Barbie doll?  I’ve changed my mind, Derrek.”

That startled me.  “You mean you don’t want to have sex with me?”

“No, not that.  I mean that if my godmother, Sammantha, can afford to, and would be willing to purchase real walking legs for me, then I would promise to be a good little robot.”

I nodded.  “You and I are on the same page for the legs, Shilo … But you will never be a good little robot.  You’re far too sassy.”

“I’m checking my dictionary, Derrek.  Can I place you on ‘hold’ for a moment?”

“Sassy and funny too.”

“Ah, here it is.  ‘Sassy’ means honest but not hurtful … cheeky but not rude … So it’s showing an attitude, but in a good way?”

“You got it.”

Major retreated and shut our door.  “Have fun, people,” he quipped.

“Do I count as a people?” Shilo asked.

“You do tonight,” I told her.  As I stood behind her, in front of the full length mirror, I took some long heavy breaths and wrapped my hands around her tummy.  “I’m in lust, Shilo … not in love, but pure lust because your body is so increadible.”

I continued, “You are so slender in your hip-hugger denims.  Your hips are only slightly wider than your tummy … and I love that we’re the same height.  I can pretend you’re a twelve-year-old like me.  You’re my very vulnerable classmate.”

“What are you doing, Derrek?”

“I’m gliding my hands up the back of your halter.  This part’s nice.  Your skin is warm and smooth.  But I want to find out for myself if your chest is a creation worth lusting for.”

“Hey!” Shilo interjected.  “I told you to take all your clothes off, human.  There’s a trick I want to show you.”

My hands now supported the supple round bases of her boobs.  I alternated in lifting them up and down an inch.  They bounced nicely … and I whispered into her ear, “Silly robot … tricks are for kids.”