A Comedy of AR's

Chapter 99
CHAPTER 199 ... Trick-Or-Treat (and) CHAPTER 200 ... Gentle Puberty (Part one)

Chapter Description: 2 new pictures added 4/3/24 Images for this story can be found at the following web...... https://sites.google.com/view/comedy-ars-characters/home

CHAPTER  199

A young couple came to the door with two bowls filled with tons of candy.  What was different about this couple was that they, too, were dressed for Halloween … although ‘dressed’ may have been an exaggeration … They were mostly nude.

This scene reminded me of our encounter with Gladstone Point DeJour and his family who answered their front door in St. Thomas totally in the raw.

The young couple gave us a big welcome.  The male said, “Wow!  Look at all these creative costumes, Sandy!  These kids deserve some ‘bonus’ candy.”

I figured that maybe these two were trying to achieve a ‘shock’ value when children first looked at them.

The young man was wearing nothing but a ‘fuzzy’ elephant over his groin and we could pretty well guess what was stuffed inside the elephant’s trunk.  The female, Sandy, was wearing a few strips of electrical tape over her nipples and her shaved vagina.  I have to say, she was very nicely shaped.  Not every woman could pull off such a eye-popping costume.

Maybe some kids would run away.  We sure didn’t.  As they dropped candy into our bags, this daring couple soon discovered they got a lot more than they bargained for.  Our 105 year old kindergardener suddenly reached forward and grapped the elephant’s trunk.  He shook it up and down.

“Pleased to meet you, Mister Elephant!” the little boy gleefully squealed.

The young man tried to modestly back away, but somehow, Zeb kept an iron grip on his elephant trunk which was rapidly starting to point upward.

“You’re my favorite animal in the whole zoo!

The man’s eyes were wide as he backed up into his living room, trying to gently pry the little boy’s hand away from his ‘trunked’ member.  It’s a good thing the guy didn’t want to hit a little kid because it was obvious that 105 year old Zebulon Allred wanted to teach the young man a lesson.

I’m not sure why three responsible twelve-year-olds couldn’t take the initiative to separate the little boy’s hand from the man’s penis.  Instead we just watched in amazement as the man went back, back, back and sat down on his couch.

Now Zeb was jacking off the elephant as hard as he could and the man was breathless and helpless.  He lurched his hips forward and he groaned loudly … as a wet spot became visible at the end of the elephant’s nose.

Sandy, his female partner stood, holding her candy bowl, her mouth open, not knowing what to say or do.  They had just been outsmarted by a five-year-old.

I wish I could say that we were quite done at this house, but it was not the case.  Zeb did finally release the elephant’s trunk but on his way out, he ripped off two pieces of electrical tape from the young woman … one that covered her mipple and one that covered her shaved vagina.

“Hey, nice tits, lady!” Zeb called out.  “Sweet pussy too!  You should be a model!”

After that, we ran like hell … about three more houses down the block before we resumed our normal candy trek.

Hoshi might have been a little pissed.  She asked me, “Darakatoms, are you going to try to tell me that that was traditional American culture?”

“Which, Hoshi?” I responded.  “The thing that the couple did, or the thing that Zeb did?”

She replied, “I do not understand this country.  I do not even want to tell this incident to my papasan.”

We continued on our merry way, filling up our brown shopping bags with some decent candy.  Zeb’s street was pretty good for passing out chocolate,  There were no more ‘porn’ houses on the route and the three of us resumed our race from house to house with laughing and giggling that I personally had not engaged in during the last 20 years.

I thought again that this was the most fun I’d had since being regressed to a child.  It made me feel like I had been a real loser in most of my adulthood and made me less inclined to want to return to the ‘bad old days’.   It felt weird.  I had to stop and ‘adjust’ my crotch privately because the happy child in me was giving me a fierce erection.

After about an hour and a half, I could see that Ling Ling was getting tired.  She made no mention of the two strange adults so apparently it went over her head.  I stopped to call Sammantha and let her know our coordinates for a pickup.

She took a peek in my bag.  “Wow, you guys must have hit the mother lode of candy.  Mind if snitch a couple Milky Ways?”

“I’m putting them on your tab, Mom.”

“Let’s go, kids.  I’m going to drop off Ling Ling and Hoshi first since they live close by.”

The two girls said their thank you’s and so did the five-year-old’s parents.  They suggested they would like Hoshi to be a baby-sitter for them in the future.  Hoshi readily agreed.

Back in the car, I told Sammantha, “I think I know why you dropped those two off first … and now we’re headed back to Zeb’s house.”

She looked in her rear view mirror.  “Are you good with that, Madeline?”

“Oh, sure.”

Everyone was pretty excited when we entered the living room of Zeb’s grandson and his wife … and dumped all our sugar fixes on the carpeted floor.

Amy commented, “You kids really hit the jackpot.”

I replied, “You have some pretty cool neighbors on your street, Mrs. Allred.”

Then the five-year-old squeaked, “And I jacked off an elephant’s trunk and yanked the tape off a lady’s tits and cunt!”

“Zebulon!  Language!” the ‘father’ scolded.

“It’s true, Mr. Allred,” I said.  “About five houses up, the couple answered the door mostly in the nude.”

“Oh, I know who you’re talking about,” said Amy.  “Those two are real loonies.  Someone should call the cops.”

“It’s okay, Mrs. Allred,” I replied.  “Zeb knew what he was doing.  After all, he’s 105 years old.”

The living room suddenly became very quiet.  In hushed tones Alan asked, “How much has Zeb told you?”

“You can relax, Mr. Allred,” I replied.  “You’re among friends here.  Madeline and I both have the water curse.  She’s 30 years old and I’m 28.  Sammanth’s my pretend mom.  We’re role playing, but I still love her a lot.  She makes a great mom.”

“Wow,” Amy whispered.  “We weren’t aware that there were others.  Is it just you three kids in this room?”

I answered, “We just know of Daniel who’s an attorney.  So is Madeline here.  Emma zapped both of them on the same day in a courtroom.  We were wondering if you could fill us in on more details about Emma.”

Alan lowered his head.  “It hasn’t been pretty,” he started.  “As you probably know, Emma’s our daughter and Zebulon is my grandfather.  In high school, she got involved with a bad crowd … did drugs, sex, shoplifting … pretty much anything to find trouble.”

Amy continued, “We tried everything to hold on to her.  We took her for counseling with a psychologist named Felores Frumpy.  That woman was a dingbat.  She said Emma’s problems centered on excessive masturbation.  So at eighteen, Emma ran away and turned to prostitution for an income.”

“The rest is fuzzy,” said Alan.  “Her friends told us that because she was a hooker, she had been kidnapped by some government “Black Ops” organization for medical experiments, figuring no one would be out looking for her … but we didn’t believe it, at least not until this past year.”

“So what do you think happened?” I inquired.

Alan went on, “Word had gotten around to her friends that Emma had managed to escape the medical lab before they had a chance to do anything to her.  She had been arrested so many times for prostitution that she’d gotten good at picking the lock on a pair of handcuffs.”

“So what did she do then?”

“Well, the black ops guys must have been in full panic mode … and still are … because when she escaped the lab, she managed to steal nearly all the equipment and experiments … notes too.   She screwed those guys good.  And then one day, she went to visit Grandpa Zeb in the nursing home.  He was practically on his deathbed.”

“So Emma zapped him?”

“Well, up till then, we had no idea what the experiments were about.  We had started making funeral arrangements for Grandpa.  He went to hospice … and then all hell broke loose.  We accused the nursing home of misplacing Grandpa’s body, and yet there was a little kid there walking around carrying a blanket, but he was otherwise nude.”

“That must have been fun,” I offered.

“Not the first hour, Derrek.  The kid kept jumping up and down, saying ‘I’m Zeb.  I’m Zeb.  We obviously wouldn’t believe him.  But then he started telling us of his exploits at the D-Day invasion on the beaches of Normandy in France … same stories that Grandpa used to tell us.  I thought maybe the little boy was Grandpa re-incarnated.”

“You weren’t far off from the truth.”

“No, not until he told me about the time when I was thirteen and he caught me masturbating in my tree house.  That was embarrassing, but I knew then that he was really Zeb … not that it made things any easier to deal with.  I had to figure out a way to explain to friends and relatives that he wanted a cremation with no funeral or witnesses besides Amy and me.”

“Jesus.”

“Derrek, we caught hell from a lot of people.  I’m not the only grandchild.  There were twelve of us … and now I’m on everyone’s shit list.  Some are threatening to sue me, and I haven’t said a word about the new kindergardener in our house.”

“You’re not alone, Alan.  No one that Emma’s zapped has had a normal life.  Daniel’s secretary held him captive as a child sex slave for two years till we freed him.”

“Derrek, I’m sorry to hear that our daughter has caused so much pain to others.”

“But there’s another side to the coin, Alan.  Madeline and I are actually enjoying being seventh graders again.  Every day feels weird, but it’s still an adventure.  Has Emma ever tried to contact you?”

“So far no, but we’re hoping, and we don’t want to force the issue … just give her space.  Zeb said she told him that she started going to community college, so we’ll see.”

“Is Zeb happy being five?”

“Loves it … His dementia seems to have vanished and he very much identifies as a kindergardener … playing with age-appropriate toys … He’s really in a happy place and rarely talks about his first life.  I’m his grandson, but he prefers to call us Mommy and Daddy.”

Sammantha finally broke in again.  “Alan and Amy, I have one big question and it relates to the heart of the water curse … or water blessing in Zeb’s case.  Do you think Zeb is immortal?  Could he live forever by adding a few drops of water every day?”

“I’m hoping that’s not true, Sammantha.  Because then we’d have the California gold rush all over again … only in Buffalo.”

“So why did it happen in Buffalo?”

“By chance we happened to run into one of Emma’s friends downtown once … and from what she could tell us, four guys from Cornell University here in New York developed the system … and their idea was to kidnap hookers for their experiment.  But Emma’s a smart girl and she turned the tables on them.”

I sighed.  “At least the world makes a little more sense now.  It was good to meet both of you … and especially Zeb.”

“Well, we’d hope that you and Sammantha would keep us in the loop if you learn anymore tidbits of info … and don’t forget your candy.”

Zeb poked his head up.  “Thanks for taking me, Madeline.  I love you.”

The two hugged before we departed.

Not much was said on the way home.  All three of us were deep in thought.  We dropped off Madeline and headed back to the apartment where Sammantha noted, “We got another email from school.”

“Oh shit.”

CHAPTER  200                  Gentle Puberty   (Part One)

Not much was said on the way home.  All three of us were deep in thought.  We dropped off Madeline and headed back to the apartment where Sammantha noted, “We got another email from school.”

“Oh shit … It’s almost always about me, and it’s usually bad.”

“Let’s not jump to conclusions, sweety.  I’ll read it to you.”

Dear parents and students,

First, I want to heartily congratulate Derrek, Madeline, and Hoshiko, our three seventh grade class officers, who gallantly represented our school on Saturday in the television quiz show Academic Inanity.  And let us also give a salute to their academic advisor, Mr. Victum.

The team’s daring exploits earned them a well-deserved victory over one of our arch rivals, John Wayne Gacey Middle School … in an exciting match that will be long remembered both for the Gacey team’s poor sportsmanship, as well as Derrek Adams’ maniacal fixation with the word ‘penis’.

If you tuned in to the program and you thought you heard Derrek say ‘penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis’ your ears heard him correctly.

Fortunately for our side, that fixation paid dividends in the final tie-breaking question as Derrek’s favorite word PENIS brought home the championship along with a cash prize for our school of  3,000 dollars.

Derrek and his teammates have generously requested that the prize money be used to throw a KFC luncheon party for the entire seventh grade.  “Yum Yum’ indeed, kids.

The only incident that may have marred the program came at the end when the Gacey students and parents charged onto the studio floor to engage in fisticuffs with our side.  But fortunately, Hoshiko Aoki crushed the testicles of the opposing team captain, Liberty Fabian, and the grownups on our side beat the holy fucking crap out of the Gacey grownups.  It’s always good to see good sports prevail.

Okay, there is a second reason for this email which I need to present.

As you know, even though our ‘Empathy Day’ program was great success, there were a few parents who were just a little ticked off that 35 boys were sodomized.  They felt that it was just as wrong for a twelve-year old girl to rape a boy as it is for a twelve-year-old boy to rape a girl.  To me, this is political correctness run amuck.  Of course I tried to explain to them that most of the boys said they enjoyed it.  However, my words fell on deaf ears.

As a result, this coming Thursday, our seventh grade students will participate in the most advanced sex education program in the country.  I have contracted with a company called ‘Gentle Puberty’ who bring all the necessary equipment and supplies to a school so that the boys and girls can learn to train their sexual urges to be gentle and respectful to the opposite gender.  And to placate some of those prudish parents, there will be no vaginal or anal intercourse during the program.

The program will be implemented in our gym by both male and female representatives of the Gentle Puberty company … along with the gym teachers from Sandusky Middle School.  All of these teachers are well accustomed to dealing with naked children.  So in other words, we wouldn’t allow, say, music teachers to participate just because they say they want to help the children with their organs.

After first period, when the signal is given, all seventh grade students will report to their assigned gym lockers to undress.  Every article of clothing must be removed except for shoes and socks.

The company will hang a tall dark curtain across the width of the gym keeping the girls’ side and the boys’ side separate.  As the nude children exit their respective locker rooms, all the lights will be off and the gym will be completely pitch dark.  On each side of the curtain, a rope will be stretched down to the other end so that students can hold onto it as they make their way across the gym.  Attached to the rope will be 60 styrofoam numbers that the students can feel, enabling them to spread out evenly as they walk down the length of the curtain.

At each number stop, a student will find three holes with flaps in front of them as part of the curtain … one hole is for their mouth and two holes are for their arms.  The students will be told that it is essential for them to maintain absolute silence … no giggling or talking … in order to remain anonymous to their opposite gender partner.

We value a child’s dignity and many of them would be too shy or embarrassed to be seen naked by the opposite gender, or, for example, to have their genitals manipulated by someone they know from their social studies class.  Anonimity is important.

This is the best way to get all the students involved in advanced sex education.  If we let the children pick their own partners, then I’m sure you would agree that only the popular students would get chosen, while the ugly and stupid children would get left out and their feelings would be hurt.  Fat kids go through similar shit too.

The holes in the curtain are large enough to accommodate students of all statures.  The lessons will be arranged by body parts and after each lesson, the boys will move down one station number to their right … the last boy will be led by an instructor with night vision goggles who will escort him back left … to station number one.

This way, each student will be able to participate in the program with multiple partners as a way to gradually get used to the idea of handling another person’s nude body parts in a gentle manner, as the program’s name indicates.

The lessons will start with variations of French kissing, and will eventually work their way down to the nipples, waist and buttocks.  So by the time it comes to touching penises and vaginas, the students will have already become relaxed and accustomed to being ‘felt up’ by a member of the opposite sex.

This is the only national program where boys are taught the proper way to locate and stimulate a girl’s clitoris … and to search for the mysterious ‘G’ spot.   Girl’s will be taught the various techniques of cupping and rolling a boy’s balls and how to use fingernails on his scrotum to cause him to smile but not laugh … and of course, how to play with the ‘snake’.

The designers of the program emphasize to the students that whether you experience or don’t experience an orgasm, it’s still all good.  You should learn to like yourself.

Please make sure to have your child thoroughly bathe or shower and brush their teeth before coming to school on Thursday morning.  Use a neutral smelling soap for their bodies.  For this activity, let’s eschew all the perfumes and colognes.

I personally have consulted with other principals around the country who have employed the Gentle Puberty program and their responses have been unanimously favorable.  I hope that you will send your child to school Thursday morning with a positive attitude and that this will turn out to be their favorite school day of the year.

Cordially yours … Tiffany Glass … Principal … Jerry Sandusky Middle School

Sammantha smiled at me.  “How about that, sweety?  You’re going to learn about sex … right there in your own school.”

“It’s not funny, Mom.  I’m worried about getting a boner during the class … and then all these little twelve-year-old girls are going to be playing with my junk.  What if one of the girls grabs me there and makes me ‘shoot’ during the middle of the lesson?  What if she’s having her period and my fingers get all bloody when I’m ‘doing’ her clit?”

“You’re worrying far too much, sweety.  I think you’ll really enjoy it.”

“Yeah, I’m also worried about entering the school on Monday morning.  I’ll bet the kids will be ragging on me about the TV show.  When they see me, they’re gonna say ‘hi penis’… or ‘penis penis penis’.”

“Well then you just point your finger right at their face and say ‘No KFC for you!”

“You know how to handle enerything, Mom.”

Sammantha rubbed her palms together and grinned.  “Candy time, mister.  I want my share.”

Not unexpectedly, I ate way too much candy before bedtime and my system was on a sugar high.  I had a terrible time trying to sleep.  I kept dozing on and off REM sleep and kept waking up maybe every half hour.

The dreams I was having were terrible.  I drempt I was a baby that couldn’t escape from my crib.  All the girls from my class were coming up to me and smiling.  Then one by one they picked me up out of my crib and sat down with me on my bed.  Then, one by one, they eached grabbed my wooden ruler, peeled down my diaper as I struggled, and spanked me really hard. 

I cried and cried (though no actual sounds came out of me)  After each spanking, the girl squeezed my cheeks into a ‘fish face’ and said ‘that’s a good baby’ … then put a pacifier in my mouth and set me back down in my crib with bunnyrabbit.

I woke up with a start, but felt woozy, and dropped back off to sleep momentarily where my busy brain, hyped up on sugar, returned to the same nightmare with a different girl spanking me.  I wasn’t handling Halloween very well.

The next morning, with bloodshot eyes, I mostly rested and stayed away from the candy, all to ready myself for Monday’s expected teasing.  Will any of my classmates remember that we actually won the TV match?

It started as soon as I stepped onto the bus.

“HI PENIS!  Hi penis!  Penis penis penis,” the kids on the bus squealed. 

I just nodded and smiled back.  I had brought it on myself, so I chose to let the kids get it out of their systems before I made any negative comment.  If I displayed a thin skin, the teasings would only get worse.  Ah, but my teammate bailed me out.  Big O sitting next to me started chanting, ‘KFC!  KFC!’  (brilliant move) and the other kids picked up on the chant too.

“Thanks, pal,” I told him.

When I got to homeroom, our classmates were crowding around our little threesome of Madeline, Hoshiko, and myself.  What surprised me was that the teasing had died down due to the two major topics at hand … both from the principal’s striking email.

The main question shouted at us was, “What day is the KFC party?”  We didn’t know yet.

And the other question, posed by a lot of the girls was, “Derrek, will I get to play with your penis on Thursday?”  I shook my head and turned the other way.

‘Gentle Puberty Day’ was supposed to be a more civilized version of ‘Empathy Day’.  I highly doubted that would be the case.  It was a hot topic at our lunch table.

Goro said, “I’m just glad they’re doing this toro caca program on a Thursday instead of Friday.  They did Empathy Day on a Friday and we ended up playing football in dresses.  With this Puberty Day, we could’ve been forced to play in the nude.”

Greywolf commented, “I just don’t like the idea of strange girls handling my junk.  There are no native American traditions that would allow it.”

“Strange girls?” asked Showkat.  “I’ve got news.  Look around you.  Every one of the girls at this school is strange.  But I kind of like the idea of making the white girls handle a black cock in the dark.  I think I’m going to lift up the flap by the mouth hole and whisper to her, ‘Hey, I’m Showkat’ and see if she screams.”

Dilinger X VonChompion turned to Showkat and suggested an alternative.  “Maybe if you do that, she’ll just crush your balls.”

“Who are we playing this week?” I interjected.

“Genghis Kahn Middle School,” X answered.

I followed up, “Are there any schools in this league not named after mass murderers?”

“Just us,” X replied.  “By the way, nice job you and your girls did on Saturday, beating the crap out of ‘Mister 2’, our favorite enemy.”

“Hoshi knew how to kick a field goal between his legs,” I noted.  “Maybe she should try out for our team next year.”

(CHAPTER 201 WILL BE THE FIRST CHAPTER OF "A COMEDY OF AR'S,  BOOK 2")