A Comedy of AR's

Chapter 93
Should I Pack a Lunch?

Chapter Description: Images for this story can be found at the following web...... https://sites.google.com/view/comedy-ars-characters/home

We followed closely behind the superintendent’s car as he made the drive over to the high school.  As requested, Sammantha remained in her car, but gave me a ‘good luck’ thumbs-up as I got out.

The ‘super’ and I entered the nurse’s station and his words were glib.  “Nurse TiteRench, this boy is Derrek Adams.  Did he have his sports physical here this morning?”

The nurse lowered her glasses.  “Why, yes.  Is there a problem?”

“I want you to stop whatever you’re doing, and give me his data file, along with all samples taken and all medical waste from his visit … and yes, there is a problem.  It’s this email sent to Derrek’s mother telling her, among other things, that Derrek failed his physical because a blood pressure reading of 120 over 80 is cause for alarm.”

The nurse looked at the letter and responded, “Why, I didn’t write that.”

“Your name is at the bottom of the letter.”

“Yes, but Kitti wrote it.  Kitti did everything at his physical.”

“But Kitti is a 16-year-old student.  Who was responsible for supervising Kitti?”

Like a blur, Kitti Power raced back into the exam room and shoved both my shoulders.  “You tattled again, you little shit??!!!”

(It’s a good thing I’ve watched a lot of NBA basketball games.  They are essential in teaching the proper art of ‘flopping’ … which is an intentional fall by a player after little or no physical contact by an opponent.)

Kitti’s horrible ‘shove’ caused me to fall backwards about five feet across the floor.  I cried out, “Kitti, stop!  Please don’t hurt me!”

Superintendent St. Michael saw the action out of the corner of his eye and he grabbed Kitti’s wrist.  “That’s enough, Kitti,” he scolded.  “I was going to let you skate.  But after striking your own patient, I’m canning you from the nursing program.  Turn in your uniform.”

The man then helped me off the floor.  “Are you okay, Derrek?”

I mumbled, “I might have a slight concussion, but I guess I’m alright.”

The superintendent pointed at the waste baskets.  “Nurse TiteRench … Fill up an evidence bag.  I want the catheter, the enema kit, and I especially want the boy’s semen sample.

The nurse asked him again, “Did I do something wrong?”

“Yes, Tina … When we’re done here, I want you to pack up your personal belongings and come to the next school board meeting.  Bring your lawyer.  Till then, you’re on administrative leave.”

Doctor St. Michael then picked up a blank sports physical form from the nurse’s desk.  He turned and asked me, “Derrek, can you do one jumping-jack for me?”

“Right here?”

“Yes.”

“Sure,” I answered … and then performed the not-too-difficult task.

The superintendent then used a rubber stamp to mark ‘PASSED’ in the middle of the form and he signed his name at the bottom.  “Congratulations Derrek.  You can give this form to your coach.”

I was a bit surprised by the quickness of Doctor St. Michael’s actions, but nonetheless quite pleased with the result.  When I returned to the Porsche, I showed Sammantha that I ‘passed’ my physical and that Kitti and the nurse had both been dismissed.

“Mom, I was really glad that you weren’t in the room with us.”

Sammantha bent one eyebrow.  “And why is that?”

“Because you would have for sure ‘cold-cocked’ Kitti and gone to jail … Don’t tell the ‘super’ that I flopped … I faked being hurt by Kitti and it was so worth it to get her kicked out of the student nursing program … He canned the nurse, too.”

“So you just wanted revenge?  Who puts these crazy ideas in your head?”

I confessed, “You do, Mom.  When you barged in on Michael St. Michael, I was afraid he was going to call the police … not for the nurse, but for you.  I can see now why all the boys in your middle school were afraid of you.  You have quite a temper.”

“Sweety, I won’t let people walk all over me … or you for that matter.  Anyway, congratulations on passing your physical.”

“I did one jumping jack.”

“A whole one?  Perfect.  Let’s do lunch, and afterward, we need to re-connect with one of our patients.”

“One of ‘our’ patients, Mom?  I think I know which one.”

While I was at my physical this morning, Sammantha had set up a zoom session for 3 pm.  In the master bedroom, she opened up her laptop and punched up the session.  I sat off to the side, but when the patient dialed in, he looked quite familiar … and we were no longer surprised by his somewhat nerdy look … with suspenders and a bow tie.

”Hi Pete,” Sammantha made the initial greeting.  “How have things been going since our last meeting?”

“Hello Dr. Adams,” he replied.  “I’m really amped up to see you again, but if it’s not too much trouble, could I please talk to your avatar again?  I think I can really chat like ‘buddy-buddy’ with him.  He makes me feel comfortable.”

Without turning her head, Sammantha tapped my knee and gave me a ‘wiggling’ thumbs-up gesture.  I gave her a solid thumbs-up in return.

“Not a problem, Petey.  Hold on a sec while I activate him.”

Sammantha blanked out the screen and asked me if I was up for the job.  I smiled back.  “You know I am, Mom.”  Then we switched chairs and I turned the camera back on.

“Hey, Pete.  This is Dr. Sam.  Tell me what’s been going on in your life.”

The boy broke out into a wide grin.  “I’m so glad to see you again, Dr. Sam.  Things have been going great since I started following your advice.”

“I want to hear all about it, Pete.”

The fifteen-year-old looked ecstatic.  “Well, the biggest change came when you told me to join a school activity.  So I signed up with the online school newspaper and started interviewing other students about their favorite activities.  I never had a friend at school before, but now, other kids are seeking me out.”

The boy continued, “They all want me to write about them … I guess to get a little bit of fame.  People wave at me in the hallways and say ‘Hey Pete! Great article!  They told me it’s better than Tik-Tok for them because the teachers and college recruiters read the articles too.”

“That’s fabulous, Pete!” I tried to pump him up.  “Tell me what you’ve been doing during noon-rec at school.”

“Well, I’ve already read your book cover to cover, so like the last chapter said, I’m writing my school articles to ‘build up my legacy’.”

“And your schoolwork?”

“I’m on it, Dr. Sam.  Seeing all these other kids that I write about working so hard has motivated me to do the same. My studies are my priority after dinner.”

I nodded approvingly.  “That’s just great to hear, Pete.  But the biggest question is … How does ‘Lucky’ feel about all these changes?”

“Well, doctor … at first, Lucky felt very put off and angry about my new routine, but gradually he came to realize that my life had new priorities.”

“How often does Lucky ejaculate now?”

“Once a day, and that’s enough.  You were right … Once is more intense than twice.”

“So Pete, I have to ask … Are you still in love with your penis?”

The boy sighed.  “Honestly, no … But I explained to Lucky that we’d always be good friends … Oh! Here’s my dad … “

I wasn’t expecting that at all.  Sammantha and I had no chance to switch seats.

He beamed.  “Dr. Adams!  My wife and I are positively thrilled with the progress Peter’s made since he talked to you … “  (Then he lowered his head to screen level.)  “What the hell?!  Peter, your therapist is a kid?!”

“Dad, no,” Pete tried to explain.  “This is her computer generated avatar.  I like talking to him … Dr. Adams, could you please come back to the screen as yourself to show my dad?”

“Sure, Pete … back in a sec.”

Sammantha took over.  “Good afternoon, Mr. Shinee.  I, too, am very proud of the way Peter has managed to turn his life around … and if you’re both in agreement, I would like to continue to meet with him on a regular basis.”

“I was about to ask for that, doctor,” said the man.  “We were worried about losing our son.  Whatever methods you use are just magical.  Peter is no longer so ostrobogulous … My wife and I thank you.”

“It’s always my pleasure … Keep up the good work, Pete.  Bye now.”

I shook my head.  “Mom, you’re awesome.  That’s what George the policeman said.  He was about to lose his son and you saved him.”

“Sweety, as first responders will tell you, I was just doing my job.  And so were you for that matter.  One of these days when you decide to grow back up, I’d like to see you take a few classes and continue to work with me as a team.”

“Wow … Mom … That’s like the best compliment you’ve ever given me.  And sure, I would be totally honored to assist you.  It’s fun to help ostrobogulous teenagers, whatever the hell that means.  And I wanted to tell Pete to lose the bow tie and suspenders.”

“Let the taste of his success sink in before making any more changes.  Right now we have a more urgent decision to make.  Tomorrow is your first day of school.  What would you like me to pack you for lunch?”

A shot of adrenalin just whizzed through me.  The butterflies in my stomach returned.  “Mom, would you be mad at me if I said I was really scared?”

Sammantha and I sat on her bed and she gave me a big hug.  “Not at all, sweety.  Remember that a lot of other kids will be feeling the same way.  The first day of school is always an exciting time.”

“But Mom, up till now, you and I have been doing role play.  Tomorrow, I’ll be an actual twelve-year-old in the seventh grade.  I’ll be starting a new life as a little kid and I’m really nervous.  Thinking about it gives me a boner cuz I’ll feel so childish.  What if the other kids hate me?”

She squeezed me harder.  “Nobody’s going to hate you, sweety.  Keep in mind that even though you’ll be a child, you’ll have the self confidence and poise of an adult.  Nothing will rattle you.  You’ll always stay calm under pressure.  And remember, you’re going there to play sports … with a chance to live out your dreams.”

I squeezed her back.  “You’re right, Mom … and I think I’ll buy my lunch at school tomorrow if that’s okay.  I want to check out what the other kids do.”

“Sure, and we better figure out your new routine too.  Pick out your clothes, brush your teeth, wash up in the morning with ginger ale and soap, eat breakfast, check your schedule, and don’t be late for the bus.”

“And go to bed by nine.  See, I’m not mad about that.”

“Of course, sweety.  Let’s print out your schedule now so we don’t forget.”

Jerry Sandusky Middle School

7^th Grade Schedule

Student:   Derrek Adams

Period     Class

HR …            Homeroom

1 … Math  (Pre-Algebra)

2 … Spanish two

3 … English

4 …               Lunch

5 … Health

6 … Geography

7 … Science (Biology Lab)

8 …  Study Hall