A Comedy of AR's

Chapter 58
CHAPTER 158 .......... My Date With Putz – Part Five

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CHAPTER  158

“But you have no hair either, Precious.  Did you shave your muff, or have you just not reached puberty yet?  Well, anyway, your putz is a lot cuter than Putz’s putz.”

Putz raised his right hand and splashed a small tsunami of water in his sister’s face.  “Shut the fuck up, you inconsiderate cunt.”

Obviously, this sibling rivalry was heating up and I had to speak out.  “Listen guys, I didn’t come here to start a family squabble.  Let’s just relax.  It’s all good, okay?”

“It’s not your fault, Precious,” said Putz.  “This is just normal for Rachel … trying to be a royal pain in the tukas.”

“Is tukas another word for penis?”

“No, other side … a rear end.”

“It sounds like those Jewish comedians had a lot of material to work with.”

Putz sighed.  “I only know one joke that isn’t dirty.”

“I’m listening.”

“Okay, fine … A Jewish boy invites his Catholic friend to his temple.  Afterward the Catholic boy says ‘That was interesting, but why are all the old Jewish men bald?’”

“Putz, I can tell you … I haven’t heard this one.”

“So the Jewish boy says, ‘I don’t know, it’s probably just hereditary.  And the Catholic boy says ‘Well Jesus was Jewish, do you think he was bald too?’  And the Jewish boy says ‘I don’t know.  Was his father?”

“Not bad, Putz … and you don’t even have to explain that one to me.”

“Okay, Precious, your turn.”

“Umm … okay … What did the judge say when Clark Kent divorced Lois Lane?

“dunno.”

“The judge said that Clark would only be allowed to see the children with super vision.”  I looked across from me.  “Rachel, you’re next.”

“I didn’t know the teacher was going to call on me.”

I was firm.  “You have to tell one joke or get out of the tub.”

“Okay, fine … What is the insensitive part at the end of a penis called.”

“I give up.”

“A man.”

“Oooooo … nasty.”

I pressed on with a question for the girl.  “So Rachel, how many times have you fucked Putz?”

She gave me a funny look.  “Sounds like you two have been talking … Hmm, so how long has it been … six years?  I would guess at least a thousand times, probably more.  Why?  Would you like to fuck me tonight?”

“No, no, I was just asking.”

“Does my nude body turn you on?”

“Well ...”

“What do you think of my boobs, Precious?”

“Oh … they’re great.”

“Are you just saying that?”

“Oh no, your boobs really are great.”

“Then why don’t you slide over here and touch them?”

Putz nodded to indicate that it was okay with him if I wanted to touch his sister’s boobs.  Now I was afraid that I would insult her if I didn’t.  So I slowly slid about one third of way around the tub till I was within six inches of her skin.

She didn’t wait and slid the final half foot till our nude bodies touched at the hip.  Okay, I was getting pretty nervous now.

“You need to loosen up, Precious.  I’m not going to bite you.”

Then she did the ‘theater stretch’ in reverse by taking my right arm and stretching it around her neck, resting my right hand on her right boob.

“Precious, I hope you know that this is the part where you cop a feel.”

Uh, yeah, I kind’a knew that except I just wasn’t expecting to get it on with my friend’s sister tonight.  I began pawing her and realized she had a pretty nice rack.  I didn’t want to give it a grade but it turned out to be good enough to raise a boner.

She had no hesitation grabbing and messaging my hard-on with her left hand.  She probably does this every night with her brother.  Then she quickly dunked her head under the water and spread my legs apart.

A reverse blow job didn’t make a lot of sense.  Samantha gave me one in the Caribbean with a shark looking on … but the girl has to actually blow rather than suck … sucking might cause you to drown.  But I have to give Rachel credit for using a lot of tongue in the maneuver.

Uh oh … The pressure was building in me, so I had to end this quick, since I was saving myself for Putz and I could not go twice in one night.  So how could I push away the girl without insulting her?

Rachel was bigger than me, but didn’t weigh too much under water.  I was able to reverse our positions and set her back up on her seat.  I took a deep breath and went down far enough to engage in one of America’s favorite desserts … eating pussy or ‘hair pie’.  Some have called it ‘poon diving’.

This had never been my favorite activity.  I thought pussies smelled bad … but at least this one was under water.  I went down on her for two breathfuls and finally made my retreat back to my station next to Putz.

At least Rachel had a grin on her face.  “Are you sure you don’t want a little more, Precious?  You were  doing really well.”

“That was great, Rachel, but I have to save a little for tonight.”  I hoped she would buy that and leave me alone now.

The girl nodded.  “That’s fine, Precious.  Do you shoot?”

“I do, but just a little.”

“I see.”

Putz tapped me and pointed back to the sliding door.  “Time for a bedtime snack.”

We got out dried off with some tub towels and then re-wrapped our waists with the big ones.

Rachel wasn’t done soaking.  “Later, guys,” she said.

Putz and I both said, “I hope not.”

Not so surprising, the bedtime snack was leftover pizza and root beer, which was fine by me.  We sat at the same kitchen chairs as before.

Mrs. Goldfarb entered the kitchen and inquired, “Did you boys have fun?  Oh, sorry, let me rephrase that.  Did you kids have fun?”

“Yes, Ma’am.” I answered.

Putz was less enthusiastic.  “Mom, it was fun until Rachel showed up.”

His mother approached me closer.  I had no idea why.

Then she grabbed the towel around my waist and was attempting to re-arrange it.  My eyes opened wide.  Was she trying to pull off my towel?

She ended up pulling half of it over my shoulder and she said quietly into my ear, “Precious, we have to cover up your breasts when you’re indoors.  Okay, dear?”

My face turned instantly red, but I meekly said, “Yes, Ma’am, thanks.”

That had to be the single most embarrassing moment of my entire life.  If not, it certainly had to rank right up there with the ‘blob’ and the nun’s penis pull.

I told Putz, “Thanks for using the milk / water mix.  I couldn’t have gone in without it.”

“Sure, Precious, it’s something we had to take seriously.  Man, my eyes are getting droopy.  Are you ready to turn in?”

I nodded.  “Sure, I’m glad we did a lot of stuff earlier.”

Putz started putting stuff away.  “Precious, you’re weird, but I like you.”

“Same here.”

After we brushed our teeth, we closed Putz’s door behind us and dropped our towels.  PJ’s would not be a necessity tonight.

Putz looked at me and asked, “Any requests for the band?” 

I understood his remark to refer to asking a band to play a particular song … only in our case he was asking if I wanted to do anything in particular of a sexual nature.

I answered, “I’ve never done sixty-nine before.  We could improve on our fisasco in the movie theater.”

Putz dropped his body on the bed with his head northbound toward the pillow.  I fell next to him in a southbound pose.  We turned on our sides.  If we weren’t so exhausted, this would have been a lot more enjoyable. 

The combination of a lot of food and a lot of soaking made us feel almost like deadweights.  But since we felt obligated as host and guest to ‘do something’ sinful, we made an effort.

There’s actually no instruction manual for sixty-nine.  Two (in this case ‘guys’) lick and suck till they each explode and swallow.  But, ummm … we never quite got to that point.  This may sound embarrassing, and disgusting, in retrospect, but we both blacked out and must have looked like two babies who fell asleep with their pacifiers in their mouths.

Sometime during the night, we disengaged.  Certainly, people change positions when they sleep, and I managed to end up back in a normal posture on my back with my head on the pillow.

Sometime during the night, I guess it must have been three or four a.m., it felt like Putz was coming back for seconds … or I guess I could call it firsts.  He was licking my member and playing with it till it got hard.

I was still mostly unconscious and had no desire to reciprocate.  I would just lie there and let him do whatever he wanted to do.  In a couple minutes, I had a raging boner, but I wasn’t close to waking … maybe just dreaming that my ‘boyhood’ was being devoured.

I may have felt my penis throb, but I was nowhere close to a climax.  The squeezing around my member gradually became more intense, maybe a tighter wrap.  I was being jacked off by something, but I knew that Putz said he never did butt-fucking.

I started becoming more alarmed and raised to a higher level of consciousness as I could now feel the approaching climax.  But what was tickling my face.  I thought ‘Hell, get that hair out of my face!”

That’s when I woke … and as I past the point of no return for a coming ejaculation, I realized, in the dim light, that Rachel was on top … raping me.

I cried out loudly, …“AAAAAaaaaaaagggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!”

My cry startled Rachel to automatically react with a loud cry of her own …     **…“AAAAAaaaaaaagggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!”

And Putz, rudely awakened, also yelled,           ***…“AAAAAaaaaaaagggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!”

During my scream, I pushed my hands forward against Rachel’s breasts and knocked her backwards so that her head hit at the end of the mattress.  The scream also took the place of my five ‘No’s’ as I shot my load, but not into her vagina.

Putz turned on a light and was really pissed at his sister.  “Jesus Christ, Rachel!!!  Just because you ARE a skank doesn’t mean you have to act like one!  You’re fucking my best friend on a sleepover?!!  What is WRONG with you?!! 

Rachel shrugged, “But Precious really enjoyed it.  Just ask her.”

“Get the FUCK out of my room, Rachel!!”

Then Putz turned to me.  “You okay?  Sorry about that.”

I nonchalantly replied, “It’s fine, no biggie.  I’ll just grab a tissue to clean up.”