A Comedy of AR's

Chapter 69
CHAPTER 169 .......... Empathy Day- Part Ten – Down to the Wire

Chapter Description: 2 new pictures added 2/9/24 Images for this story can be found at the following web...... https://sites.google.com/view/comedy-ars-characters/home

CHAPTER  169

The biggest play was with their receiver … beating me down the field to the end zone.  There, he juked right and went left into the corner, catching a TD pass and making me hate myself.  We fell behind again 34 – 24. 

Captain X patted me on my helmet for encouragement and said, “Our bag of tricks ain’t empty.”

“What now, Captain?” I asked him.

In the locker room, he had designed a play like this:

“This is a halfback pass.  Derrek and Putz are split wide.  On the first two plays, I hand off to Showkat who goes straight up the middle of the pile for a yard or two, while Derrek and Putz stay ‘lazy’.  On third down, we start the same way.  Showkat runs up to the pile, but before he gets there, he leaps as high as he can and passes to Putz … or Derrek if Putz isn’t open, but I think he will be.”

“What’s our route?” I asked.

“On third down, you and Putz stay ‘lazy’ for one full second … then you go on a tear and outrace your man toward the center of the field.  And you linemen listen up … Do not cross the line of scrimmage on third down.  It’s a pass play.  Got it?”

“Got it,” my teammates agreed.

Showkat really loved this play because it let him play quarterback for one pass.  I was more than happy to let Putz score that touchdown.  And I was really amazed how gullible our middle school opponents were.  They fell for every trick we pulled.  The two pointer was becoming routine.  They couldn’t stop us from gaining those three yards after we scored a TD.

Now it was back to 34 – 32, but there were only two minutes left in the game.  Middle school games only have eight minute quarters, which is not a lot of time.

Our defense remained stout on the next series but it only left us with 25 seconds and 50 yards to go for a score.

X told us in the huddle, “We’ll have to run our final trick play on first down.  Derrek, you know what to do?”

“I’m ready,” I answered the captain.  (nervous, but ready)

“Then let’s do it.”

We lined up and X said ‘Hut!’

Goro snapped the ball, but not straight back.  He hiked it at an angle to the runnigback, Showkat, who began running to the left. 

An ‘end-around’ is a play where the receiver runs right, toward his teammate who is running left.  Showkat flipped me the ball and I ran hard toward the right sideline.

Then I spotted my target and threw the ball as far as I could.  No one was guarding our quarterback, X, who had sprinted down the field … and caught my pass.

I thought that X was pretty fast, but apparently our opponent had someone faster … who caught up with our captain and pushed him out of bounds at the five yard line.  There were three seconds left in the game.

Dilinger X VonChompion walked up to Putz Goldfarb and asked, “How’s your leg?”

Putz was always confident of his skills.  “It’s great … if you need it.”

For a brief second, the captain considered our odds for making a successful field goal … and then shook his head.

“Nah … Let’s use the trick play.”

We lined up for a field goal with Big-O playing outside right tackle.  That was important.  Our fans were really making a lot of noise in the bleachers.  Everyone knew that this would be the last play of the game.

Goro snapped the ball to X who was kneeling as the holder for the field goal attempt. But instead of setting the ball down for a kick, he flipped the ball upward and over his right shoulder.  Putz was already in motion and grabbed the ball out of the air … and headed toward the backside of his very large teammate.

Using great force, Big-O plowed into three opposing players … with Putz close on his heels.  With a yard to go, Putz, in his pleated cheerleader skirt,  leaped over the pile and into the end zone.  Finally, the ‘girls’ team could celebrate with a hard earned 38 – 34 victory.

We paraded right in front of our opponents bench with shouts of “PUSSY POWER!!  PUSSY POWER!!”  Some of the Capone players were actually crying.

I laughed and tried to soak in the joy that we all felt from achieving the greatest victory of our young lives.  (I was young today.)  And our captain was busy soaking in the Gatorade that was poured over his head.

Coach Icy Parker returned gleefully to the field and hugged every player.  Then he went to apologize to the refs and admitted that he deserved to be ejected.

Then X graciously told the coach, “I’m returning the team to you, Coach.”

The man joked, “Hah!  You don’t need me!”

X also gave me a pat on the shoulder pads.  “Nice throw at the end there, Derrek.”

“Hey, no problemo.  I just hope some parents were recording the game.”

“Line up please,” said a good number of parents who wanted a team picture of a very special team.  Of course we obliged them, in our cute little skirts.

All fifteen of us met up near the bleachers where our parents handed us some more appropriate boy clothes to change into before heading into the locker room.

I had a nice cheering section greeting me with all kinds of plaudits.  Putz’s parents came over, too, and Mrs. Goldfarb whispered in my ear, “I still love your dress, Precious.”

I smiled and said, “Oh thanks.”  (What else could I say?  I was wearing the dress.)

Hoshiko said, “Great game, Darakatoms!  How is Madeline doing?”

Of course, seven-year-old Madeline was standing right next to her and piped up, “Madeline is doing good.  She’ll probably be back in school on Monday.”

“Well I’m glad to hear that … and who are you?”

“I’m Madeline’s cousin.  My name is ‘Oompa Loompa’.”

Hoshiko smiled back.  “Well, I’m very pleased to meet you, Miss Oompa.”

Obviously, Hoshiko had never seen ‘Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory’.

As Madeline giggled, I felt kind of bad that we could not invite Hoshiko to Pizza Hut with us, but that wouldn’t work if we were going to talk about water.

In the locker room, it felt wonderful to finally retire my little black dress and replace it with a pair of denim jeans and a tee-shirt.  Coach Parker broke threw our noise to make a brief announcement.

“I just got a call from Principal Paningbaton at the high school.  He caught up with Kitti Power who was back at her house.  At first, she denied stealing the uniforms, but they eventually made a deal … If she returned the uniforms on Monday, then she wouldn’t be given a three-week suspension.  She took the deal but added, ‘God fuck the Go Nads’, and especially Derrek Adams.”

I laughed and commented, “She must have learned that blessing in church … but how did she open our door?”

“Her uncle is a locksmith,” the coach answered.  “She was able to give him the serial number of the lock.  But we’re going to replace it right away with a blank deadbolt lock … Oh, and I heard all about X’s trick plays.  That was amazing.  X should play quarterback in the NFL someday.”

“Will he be tall enough?” I asked.

“Sure, why not?” the coach replied.  “Doug Flutie was only 5 foot 10 and he did great.”

Our party of four buckled our seat belts in the Porsche.  Daniel rode shotgun while Madeline and I sat in the rear.  Madeline had a ‘wandering hand’ problem in addition to a serious case of second grade giggles.  I guess she was acting her age.

The little girl popped off her belt and slid over toward my side.  She put her right hand under my shirt and ran her finger nails around my lower back like a little spider.  “Tickle, tickle,” she whispered and giggled.

I couldn’t help smirking.  She knew she was getting to me and I didn’t to a thing to stop her.  Then she withdrew her hand and started flicking my ear with her thumb and middle finger … more giggling.  I had trouble believing that this was the same person as my ‘secret crush’ in middle school.

Finally, she just climbed up on me and sat on my lap … then reached back to grab my wrists and wrapped my hands around her tummy.  She looked upward at my chin while she grinded her butt on my crotch.  The little imp delighted that she was forcing me to grow a boner.  During the whole ride, the giggling never stopped.

When we arrived at Pizza Hut, Madeline ran ahead to greet her parents who had already reserved a round table that could seat six.

The seven-year-old’s jibber jabber ran non-stop.  “Hi, Mom!  Hi, Dad!  You should have seen this game!  Oh my god!  Derrek threw a touchdown pass to X to help win the game after we were behind 26 to nothing at half-time.  Then we scored five touchdowns in the second half all on trick plays by X, and all the boys on our side were dressed up as girls!  They were wearing panties too!”

Through this information overload, the rest of us engaged in brief introductions with handshakes.

The father spoke first.  “Hi, we are David and Debbie Davenport.  We believe that this child might be our daughter, Madeline … although her stature appears somewhat short for a thirty-year-old.”

I spoke for the three of us.  “Derrek Adams … my mom, Samantha Adams, and our good friend, Daniel Prestek.”

(Madeline)  “Mom, Dad!  I want to stay with Derrek over the weekend.  I’ll be twelve again on Monday and I can go with him back to school.”

(Debbie)  “Absolutely not, Madeline.  We know how you feel about Derrek … and I have to admit, Derrek, that David and I are both very impressed with how you have persevered through many trials.  We know about your poisoning, we know about your kidnapping, and we know about the gun incident.”

(Derrek)  “Thank you, Mrs. Davenport.”

(Debbie)  “Well, I don’t think it’s a secret anymore that you have been Madeline’s secret crush since the beginning of the school year.  And from what I understand, you were with her this afternoon when the sprinkler system turned on at the football field.”

(Derrek)  “Yes, Ma’am.”

(Debbie)  “Then obviously you witnessed her transformation of getting younger due to something we call the ‘water surprise’.  We have no idea why it happens, but it makes us sad, angry, and depressed.  David and I are in our fifties.  Our daughter here is not really seven and she’s not really twelve either.  She’s a thirty year old woman.”

(Derrek)  “I understand that Ma’am, but I have to tell you that Madeline is a good person at any age.  She’s kind, she’s friendly, she’s enthusiastic.  You should see us when we’re together with our Japanese friend, Hoshiko.  The three of us are so happy just getting together in school in most of our classes.  Most of the other kids are so immature.  But after all, it’s middle school.”

(Debbie)  “Derrek, I’m glad that Madeline has friends at school, but that doesn’t change reality.  David and I both feel that she’s throwing away her law career just to experience a second childhood.  And as far as staying overnight with you, that will never happen.”

(Derrek)  “But Mrs. Davenport –“

(Debbie)  “No, you can’t have a thirty-year-old woman molesting a twelve-year-old boy.  She could be arrested and have to register as a sex offender.  And she could end up going to prison too.”

Finally I blurted out, “Mrs. Davenport, I’m not twelve years old.”

There was a pause of several seconds before Debbie’s reply of, “What do you mean, Derrek?”

(Derrek) Well, Madeline’s not alone.  That thing you call the ‘water surprise’ … We call it the ‘water curse’.  I’ve been going to middle school this year because I want to play sports.  But I’m not really twelve years old.   I’m twenty-eight.”