A Comedy of AR's

Chapter 67
Freaky Friday (13) – On a Mission

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I took the lead.  “You see the famous Blob on our tee shirts?”

“Yeah.”

“I created it.”

Paul asked, “You created the tee shirts?  What did you use, an iron-on patch?”

“No,” I replied.  “I created the Blob.  The college kids just took credit for it.  On that morning, I was a 14 year old boy, whose body thought that it hadn’t ejaculated in over a year.  So Sammantha ‘got me off’, and we didn’t discover the mess on the ceiling till the next morning … so we just left it there for housekeeping to take care of.”

Paul nodded.  “What a beautiful story.  That’s something to be really proud of.”

Sam spoke up loudly, “But it’s the truth!  Mom created it when she was a boy.”

Mr. Adams looked at his brand new son and replied, “Mom?  You’re calling Derrek your mom? … I believe you.  In fact the more ridiculous your stories are becoming, the more likely it is that you are telling me the truth.  And just how many more ‘confessions’ do you have in store for me this evening?”

The boy said quietly, “Well, just one major one.  I don’t know if we should bother with the minor ones.”

Paul threw his hands in the air.  “Bother me with ‘whatever’.  I’m not going anywhere.”

Sam looked uneasy adding the next part.  “Dad, I think it would be better to get it off our chests now, than hold it in.”

Paul retorted sarcastically, “Well, gee, Sammantha, it looks like you already took two boobs off your chest.  What more could there be?”

The boy moaned, “Dad, I’m trying to be serious.”

His father replied, “Okay, shoot.”

“Well, remember the nude skydiving couple in St. Thomas that landed on the nun’s breakfast table?”

Paul looked up. “Ohhh, you mean the two idiots from Albany?”

“Yeah, Dad, but I’m afraid those two idiots were really us.”

Paul Adams just laughed hysterically and shook his head yelling, “And the hits just keep on coming! … Why would you do that, Sam?”

“Well, one of my bucket list items was to have sex while skydiving.”

“Very nice, Sam.  That’s one that I had left off of my own bucket list.  And did you succeed?”

“Well, you have to remember that, at the time of the jump, I was still Sammantha, and Derrek was still 14 year old Derrek.  But yes, we were successful.”

“So are you then saying that Derrek, here, could be pregnant with my grandchild?”

The boy reasoned, “Probably not, Dad, because, as Sammantha, I was always on the pill.”

“Well, I’m certainly thankful that Sister Aurora didn’t detach your penis … So did you have any other disasters?”

“Nope, just adventures.  I had to put a shark to sleep so we could have sex under water.”

“You had sex with a shark? … Another bucket list item?”

“No, Dad, with Derrek … and yes to the bucket list … And we also attended a picnic with fifty naked people, so we undressed too.”

“I see … I just want to know if you two were the first to undress?”

“Nope, it’s called a ‘nudie fest’ and they seem to be popular in St. Thomas.  So I told them we would have to try one in Buffalo in January.”

Paul nodded.  “If you want a high body count, true … You two should have taken a TV crew with you and filmed a documentary ‘Buffalonians Gone Wild’ with Martha and Johnny Frumpy.  You’re damn lucky you had those fake names to fall back on.  So is your brain transplant permanent?”

As the adult, I answered that one.  “We’re not sure.  It might be.  We’ll just have to wait around for the next EMP, and hope.  That’s why we’re keeping Sam at age eleven in case we have to create a similar pairing.  But we worked together as a team to handle Doctor Sammantha Adam’s first patient on a remote session this morning.  That’s about it.”

“That’s it?” Paul repeated.  “No more bucket list items?”

The boy replied, “Well, the mile high club seems like small potatoes compared to the other two.”

“Really?  How did you get into the lavatory?”

Sam pointed his thumb at me.  “I just told the flight attendant that my little boy had trouble peeing on his pants and he needed my help.”

“Wait!  What?” I said with alarm.  “I thought the flight attendants knew we were going to have sex.  That attendant, Vickey Hickey, told me that it was perfectly fine to do it with my mom.”

The boy sighed, “Derrek, you’re so gullible.”

As I drove us home in the Porsche, we both said in unison, “I’m sure glad that’s over with.”

I glanced over at my fake son.  “So, Sam, do you think the novelty is wearing off some?”

“Not really,” the boy replied.  “I mean, I’m always happy when I wake up with a penis, but other than that, there’s been a lot of stress.”

“Sam, I think it’s time we considered going on a mission.”

“For what?”

“To rescue Daniel from his enslaver, Yolanda Schmeckpepper.”

“Are you saying we should break in and grab him?”

“No, Sam.  The house is probably loaded up with alarms.  We need to have Yolanda  invite us in.”

“How, Mom?”

“We need to convince her that we are of the same ilk, and that we know all about her.  I’m going to need you to be a good little actor.”

The boy looked confused.  “Mom, why didn’t you ever ask me to help you with this before?”

“Sam, when you were Sammantha the adult, I was always concerned that you might take Yolanda’s side because you and her did basically the same thing.  You took an adult male and used the water curse to keep the male stuck as a subservient child.”

The boy shook his head.  “Mom, no, I never considered you subservient.  I loved you when you were a little boy, and I still love you now as an adult woman.”

“Sam, it’s water over the dam, now.  I think we should strategize on a plan … and tonight would not be too soon.”

For the next hour, we worked hard to craft up a plan of action.  I know that we were both very nervous because we knew that for Yolanda to do what she does to Daniel, she must be a truly evil person.

It was 8pm … now or never … We got into the Porsche and set the navigation to the address of 72 Chalkwood Lane in East Buffalo ….   It only took about 15 minutes to get there, a nice looking home in a well-to-do neighborhood.  I parked on the street and took a deep breath.  I had never been so tense.  This whole thing could go sideways if we weren’t careful.

I looked at Sam.  “Are you sure you’re ready to go through with this, sweety?”

“I am, Mom … I’ll do whatever I can to help you and to help Daniel.”

I nodded.  “Let’s do it.”

We walked up to the front steps and I rang the doorbell.  All the window shades in the house were drawn shut.  There was no response so I range the bell again.

This time I could hear footsteps approaching the door.

“What do you want?” a woman’s voice spoke abruptly.

I was certain she was evaluating us through the peephole and I answered gruffly, “I’m here to talk trade.”

“Trade what?” she replied.

I got up my courage and spoke angrily, “Don’t be stupid, Yolanda … You know what.”

She was being coy.  “Uh, no … I’m not quite sure what you mean.”

I followed up, continuing to talk tough.  “The boys, Yolanda … your Daniel for my Johnny, maybe a week, maybe a month or more, depends … But that’s what the people in our business do … and I brought my boy with me so you can check him out.”

The woman was still suspicious.  “Who are you and how did you know where to find me?”

“I’m Martha Frumpy … and the people who have the water boys all know each other.  Maybe you don’t.  Maybe you want to join us.  So are you going to let us in, or do I have to report back that you don’t like to play?  That might make you a target down the road.”

We could hear the front door being unlocked, and there were several locks.  Yolanda stepped back and we let ourselves in.  We now stood facing this very busty blonde in her living room.

“She asked, “What do mean by a ‘target’?”

“It just means that if you want to be hostile now, then maybe someday, instead of trading with you, then the organization would just come and take Daniel from you.  You’re little tracking device wouldn’t do you much good then.”

The woman now became visibly angry.  “How did you know about that?!”

I huffed back, “Let’s just cut to the chase, Yolanda Schmeckpepper, owner of Daniel Prestek, Attorney at Law.”

Now she seemed truly surprised.  “Jesus Christ, you know everything.  Speak your piece, Martha.”

I looked down at Sam.  “Show the nice lady your business, Johnny.”

“Yes, Mommy,” Sam replied, while pulling down both his pants and underwear.

“Now tell the nice lady how you like it, Johnny,” I said.

He called out clearly, “I like it up my ass.”

I told Sam, “Johnny, you have to say that with a smile.”

“Okay, Mommy.”  Then Sam sported a toothy grin and repeated, “I like it up my ass.”

I followed up, “And can you tell the nice lady what you like to eat?”

“I like to eat pussy.”

“With a smile, Johnny.”

Sam smiled.  “I like to eat pussy.”