A Comedy of AR's

Chapter 3
Rough Sex

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“So why do you like it rough, Sammantha?” I asked my date as we stood looking at the master bedroom in my apartment.

“Have you ever done role play, Derek … imagining yourself to be someone else and staying in that character for quite a while?”

(I wasn’t about to tell her the horrors of my AR experiences.) “Well, we used to play ‘Charades’ at some parties.”

“No, I’m talking about engaging in figuratively brutal attacks on another person that would be totally illegal in real life, but is extremely thrilling and erotic when done when done among friends.”

(Oh shit … Oh fuck … Now it’s time for me to pay the price for a lovely dinner out.  This astonishingly built wonder-woman is going to beat the ever-lovin’ crap out of me.)  “Okay, I get the message.  So just how badly do you want to beat me up tonight?  I know I owe you something for such a nice evening.”

But then she lectured me, “Derek, stop it.  You are the aggressor in this fantasy.  I never got to play football as a kid and I’ve got this incredibly hard body and I want it ravaged.”

I frowned.  “I’m not sure I understand.”

“Stop worrying, Derrek.  In this fantasy, nobody gets hurt, nobody gets injured, there’s no blood, and your balls are strictly off-limits to attack.  My body can absorb a tremendous amount of punishment, so I want you to use 100 percent of your strength.  Now, I’ll try to counter with about 75 percent of your strength, so I do resist you in this fantasy, but in the end, after each move, I always lose.  So if you want to make me happy, then you have to get into a real mean SOB character who doesn’t think of me as a lady.”

I was alarmed.  “But that’s hard to do when you’re standing there in that beautiful red dress.”

She shouted, “You’re going to rip the dress OFF!”

“But what if it tears?”

“Then we’ll give it to Goodwill, okay?  Now I want you to listen to my instructions very carefully and follow them exactly as I say.  Our ‘safe’ word is ‘Break’, and you never ever stop attacking me until you hear me say ‘Break’ … which probably won’t happen until you’re done fucking my lights out.”

“Okay.”

“By the way, that uncontrollable erection you sported in my office today … is that a common problem for you?”

I answered truthfully, “It’s a common problem whenever I look at your body.”

She nodded.  “Great … That works for this fantasy … and we should be able to drag it out for 45 minutes to an hour.  You’re going to push me, shove me, punch me, strip me, spank me, slap my face, slap my boobs, yank my hair, twist my arms, handcuff me to the bed, grab my chin, shove your tongue down my throat, shove your cock down my throat, ram your knee into my cunt several times, and then fuck my lights out.  Got it?”

“Would you like fries with that?”

“Come on, Derrek, be serious.”

“Sammantha, I just can’t help feeling that somebody’s going to get hurt.”

“But not injured, and that’s why it’s going to be okay.  Here, let me show you these techniques.  When you slap a face, you slap right on the cheek.  You stay away from the eyes and the lower jaw … And you only use the palm of your hand, not the back because the finger nails can cause scratches. Here, see this?”

(I can’t believe I fell for one of the Three Stooges routines where Moe says ‘See this?’ … and Curly says ‘Yeah’, and then Moe slaps Curly in the face)

“Wow!  That’s a pretty damn hard slap you’ve got there, Ms. Adams.”

“Did it get your attention?”

“Hell, yeah.”

“That’s its purpose.  Now look in the mirror.  Do you see any marks?”

“No.”

“Okay, now you slap me.”

-slap-

“Don’t be such a baby about it. Hit me as hard as I hit you … right on the cheek.”

-Whack!!-

“That’s better.  You’re catching on.  That’s the only way this is going to work is if you get serious.  Now with punches, you make a fist but you don’t hit with the knuckles. You hit with the palm and with the edge of the fist by the little finger.  That’s all padding.  So you want to punch padding on padding.  You’re target areas are the upper shoulder, the chest area below the clavicle bone, the muscles of the thighs, and the buttocks when you’re not spanking it.  Stay away from injuries.  Never punch the face, throat, biceps or abdomen. Okay?  You have to use common sense. We’ll do a lot of wrestling, too.”

“So I can punch your boobs?”

“My boobs can crack a cement block.”

“And my balls are off-limits?”

“Derek, I will treat your balls like royalty.  And you’ll need your balls to plow me at the end.  Also, remember, do not stop attacking me unless you hear the word ‘break’.  So what are you going to do if I scream out, “Shit, Derek!  You hit me too hard that time! You fucking asshole!  What’s wrong with you?!  Just get off me! I need a second to rest!”

I replied, “There’s an old football cheer that goes ‘Hit ‘em again, Hit ‘em again, Harder! Harder!”

Sammantha smiled and lightly tapped my cheek with the palm of her hand. “Good answer.  This fantasy may work out well.  Now let’s go over some of the vocabulary.  I will be saying things such as ‘You fucking bastard’, ‘You piece of shit’, ‘You stupid asshole’, ‘You brain-dead jackass’, ‘You worthless scumbag’, ‘Get the fuck off me NOW’, ‘Oh god, your hurting me’, ‘Stop hurting me!’, ‘Let me go, I can’t take it anymore!’, ‘When this is over, I’m going to kill you and I’m not joking’, ‘I’ve got a knife in a drawer and I’m going to cut your fucking balls off and I am god damn serious!’, ‘When my family finds out what you did to me, you won’t survive the night, you fucking bastard’, ‘I’m going to rip out your colon and shove it down your throat!”

“Won’t all that commotion wake the neighbors?”

“It might.  We’ll need to turn up your TV loud and I’ll just have to control the volume of my screams. And I like to ‘woooo’ grunt a lot in fake pain like when the women tennis players do their serves.”

“What do I yell?”

“The usual guy stuff … ‘You fucking whore’, ‘You stupid cunt’, ‘You pathetic slut’, ‘You frigid tramp’, ‘You passed-around pussy’, ‘How would you like to taste my cock, bitch?’, ‘Let’s go for a ride, sugar tits’, ‘How do you like my love muscle, girly girl?’, ‘I’ve fucked goats who were better at this than you’, ‘Who’s your daddy, huh?  Who’s your daddy?’, ‘Did you orgasm yet?  I can tell if you’re faking’.”

“I sound mean.”

“But it’s just role play. You have to stay in your character.  A couple other things … The handcuffs are keyless.  We just press a button to release them. And do you know how to do the ‘deep throat’ thing?  You squeeze my cheeks with your thumb and forefinger so I look like I have the ‘fish face’.  Then you shove your cock in and out as far as it will go.  I’ll pretend I’m gagging.  Now in real life, it’s ironic that the girl can actually bite off the guy’s cock, but I won’t do that to you.”

“That’s comforting.”

“Derrek, If you can pull this off, you’ll be my hero.”