A Comedy of AR's (Book 2)

Chapter 1
CHAPTER 201 Gentle Puberty (Part Two)

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Chapter Description: (same pictures)

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CHAPTER  201

(Derrek's mom, Sammantha receives an email from the principal of Jerry Sandusky Middle School explaining that on Thursday, the seventh grade students will receive a lesson in advanced sexual education.)

When Thursday morning came, there was an air of nervous anticipation throughout the seventh grade.  The other girls in homeroom were peppering me with personal questions.

 

“Derrek, do you have any pimples on your penis so that I would know it’s you?” asked Cathy Gallops.

 

“Derrek, does your left testicle hang lower than your right?” asked Suzie Shrank.

 

“Derrek, do you have any hair on your balls?” asked Manhttan Sneeze.

 

“Can we practice on you now in homeroom?” asked Rosemary Reckers.

 

I refused to answer any of them, but I knew I was a desired target. 

 

Hoshiko shook her head.  “I can’t believe this could be part of America’s normal educational program.  My papasan did not tell me anything about this.”

 

When we arrived at first period Math, Major Victum warned us, “Students, do not start stripping off your clothes until you get to your gym lockers.  You should take this assignment seriously.  The gym will be dark, so there’s no reason to be embarrassed.”

 

“Are you going to strip too, Mr. Vic?” asked Starline Valentine.

 

“No, Starline.  None of the teachers will be getting naked.  In fact, I won’t even be in the gym.  The only teachers who will see you naked are the ones who normally see you naked.”

 

Randy Pantz commented, “Oh, you mean the ones who molest us during detention?”

 

“Stop it, Randy,” said Mr. Victum.  “You know that never happens.  I’m talking about your health instructors and your phys ed teachers.”

 

Duchess Heartless was alarmed.  “So you’re saying that Mr. Bimbo is going to be staring at my pussy with his night vision goggles?”

 

“No Duchess, the male teachers will stay on the boys’ side of the curtain and the women teachers will stay on the girls’ side.”

 

The girl went on, “But what if I touch Derrek’s penis and he squirts sperms at me like he did in Health class?”

 

“I promise you that won’t happen to any girls or boys.  Randy hasn’t had time to poison anyone with Viagra pills this time.”

 

Doll Furbush asked, “Mr. Victum, is it true that boys’ nipples are just as sensitive as girl’s nipples?”

 

“Many sex experts say that that is true, Doll.”

 

“Good, so if I give my opposite boy a purple nurple, he’s going to be in a lot of pain?”

 

The instructor spoke loudly, “Students, the name of the program is ‘Gentle Puberty’.  You should try to be as gentle as possible to your opposite partner.  Doll, I’m sure you wouldn’t want your opposite boy to twist your nipple, would you?”

 

“Oh, if he did, I would just find the nearest hole in the curtain and punch him in his balls.”

 

“That would not be very gentle, Doll.  And you boys, the first time that you insert one of your fingers into the girl’s vagina, do not recoil and shout out ‘GROSS!’

 

“Hey guys, it feels good!” said Showkat.  “I do it to my mom all the time.”

 

The instructor continued, “Students, did all of you remember to shower and brush your teeth this morning?”

 

“I’m not sure if I got everywhere,”  said Goro.  “Would it be okay if I stuck my finger up my ass and smelled it, to make sure?”

 

“No, Goro.  It would not be okay,” said Mr. Victum.

 

“Well, since you’re the teacher, would you stick your finger up my ass and smell it?”

 

“Absolutely not.  Are there any other questions?”

 

Manhattan Sneeze raised her hand.  “What if my opposite boy sticks his dick through one of the holes in the curtain and pees on me.”

 

“Manhattan, I’ve sure that every middle school boy in this building knows how to control his bladder.  This is not nursery school.”

 

Hoshiko half-way raised her hand.  “What if we refuse to participate in the program?”

 

“Then Mrs. Bullutis will forcibly strip you naked.”

 

“But she teaches English.”

 

“Good, that way when she tells you to take off all your clothes, you’ll be able to understand her.  If you cut the class, you will not graduate from the seventh grade.  Anything else, people?”

 

Randy spoke up, “Can I wear a catcher’s cup?”

 

“Only on your nose … if you have a cold.  Students, if there’s nothing else, then pack up and head to the gym.”

 

 

 

The gym locker was very crowded.  I was used to changing and dressing just with the members of the football team.  But sixty boys were like elbow to elbow … and twelve-year-old boys are never anxious to get naked in front of each other.  They’re all pretending not to look at each other’s junk, but that’s exactly what they’re doing.

 

I’d imagine the girls’ locker room was similar.  Everyone gets to compare who’s got boobs and who doesn’t … and who’s got hair on their twinkie.  No one in the seventh grade wants to get teased about their body.

 

Norton Bimbo was also a phys ed instructor in addition to teaching our health class.  He called out, “Keep your sneakers and your socks on … Now let’s move out into the gym.  Let’s go.”

 

I could tell that most of the boys weren’t exactly thrilled to shuffle along in the nude … out into the pitch black cavern of our gym.  There were no windows.  I could hear some of the girl’s high pitched voices on the other side of the curtain.  I assumed the curtain was there, basically cutting the gym in half ...  although I couldn’t see it.

 

Every boy except Putz must have thought that their penis wasn’t big enough and they dreaded this assignment.  I wasn’t too big either, so I was glad it was dark.  I was also glad that they weren’t going in alphabetical order, so I wouldn’t have to be the first naked boy into the gym.  If I they did, then Hoshiko and I would both know we were touching each other’s genitals and that would be super awkward.

 

Coach Bimbo grabbed each boy’s hand and placed it on the rope which was parallel to the curtain and stretched across the width of the gym.  “Keep moving,” he told us.  I followed the rope, feeling the Styrofoam numbers as I went along and finished at place number 24 because the boy in front of me stopped.

 

There should have been a better way of doing this.  The only way we knew to stop was when we touched the buttocks of the boy ahead of us who was stopped.

 

I could hear a lot of the girls giggling as they bumped into each other’s butts on their side … while they filed down the line of rope till we had 60 boys across from 60 girls.  A lot of the kids were whispering through the curtain ‘Who are you?’ … but few got answers.

 

My female counterpart on the other side (whomever she was) opened the mouth flap in the curtain and whispered, ‘Do you have a boner yet?’ … and then couldn’t help but giggle.  I didn’t recognize the giggle … and I suppose that was a good thing.  I just knew it wasn’t Maddie or Hoshi, because neither would say that.

 

On my side, some of the boys tried to disguise their voices with a really low pitch while they were saying stupid stuff toward their invisible partner on the other side of the curtain.

 

“Hey, nice tata’s, cutie pie.”  And a girl would whisper back ‘loudly’, something like ‘Shut up, you little prick.”

 

“Good morning, students.  Let’s all quiet down now,” came a male voice over the gym loudspeaker.  “Allow me to introduce myself.  My name is Papa Mensah and I’d also like you to meet my wife, Mama Mensah.”

 

“Hi, kids,” came a female voice in the darkened cavern.

 

The male continued, “First, I want to thank all of you for agreeing so enthusiastically to participate in the Gentle Puberty program.” 

 

(Okay, didn’t the guy know that we were forced to be here … on pain of flunking the seventh grade?)

 

“Your principal, Dr. Glass, is very progressive and understands how awkward and self conscious seventh graders can feel as they venture into the cusp of adolescence.  With our program, boys and girls can get a wholesome introduction to advanced sexual education … which is the only program in the nation where students can touch the nude bodies of the opposite gender in a relaxed, anonymous setting.” 

 

“Today, we are going to take the mystery out of sexual relations, so that in the future you will be more confident talking to the opposite sex … and hopefully not in a rush to lose your virginity … that is, for those who still have it.”

 

“For the boys, if you have a boner or not have a boner … either way is perfectly natural, so don’t worry about it.  Girls, if you can give your boy a hard-on, then be proud of that … but not until you’re instructed to play with his penis.  “Alright, if there are any questions, just raise your hand and either I or Mama Mensah who have night vision goggles will come over to you.”

 

Mama Mensah spoke into her mic.  “Papa, I have one girl on my side who says that she’s cold.”

 

“Not to worry, little girl,” said Papa.  “I guarantee you that in a few minutes, you’ll all be quite hot and bothered … and sweaty too.  Alright children, let’s begin our lessons with a nice smooch kiss.  And try not to have bad breath.  First moisten your lips with your tongue but don’t create saliva.  Then open the flap nearest your chin and place your slightly open mouth into the hole. Don’t stick your lips forward.”

 

“You may need to maneuver around a little bit till boy mouth and girl mouth meet.  Once you do, tilt your head one inch diagonally right till your lips lock in place.  Now move your lips against each other with both light and medium pressure.  The kiss should be firm, but tender and sensitive … no tongue yet.

 

“Ewwwwwwwwww!!” came a girl’s shriek.

 

“What’s wrong?” asked Papa Mensah.

 

“This boy’s breath smells like fucking dead horses.”

 

“Shut up, Suzy!” returned the boy.  “I can smell your cunt right through the curtain.  Why don’t you go back home and use a douche bag!”

 

“YOU’RE a douche bag, Buster!”

 

(I thought it was nice hearing Suzy Shrank and Buster Lafrance hook up for a sweet kiss.  Everyone recognized their voices.)

 

“Calm down, kids … and watch your language.  We have some breath spray for the boy.  Just swish it around your mouth … and let’s have all the boys switch stations now, one slot to your right.”

 

The man went on.  “I know that for many of you, this will be your first kiss with the opposite sex and there is no perfect right or wrong way to do it.  Your job right now is just feeling the other person’s lips.  Enjoy the moment.  Now is not the time to be thinking of homework or chores.  If you get chills or goosebumps, that’s a good thing.  Release your kiss, wait a few seconds, and try it again.”

 

“Since I haven’t heard anyone else screaming, I’ll assume the rest of  you kids must be doing great.    Now before you withdraw your mouths, I want you to take turns nibbling on your partner’s earlobe.  Girls, you should put your ear into the mouth hole and boys, start nibbling at the bottom of her ear.  Then  switch and have the boy put his ear in.  Feel that?  It’s very sensuous.  If that’s the case, then let’s move on to one of the most powerful messages you can give to your partner … French kissing.”

 

A large number of students on both sides of the curtain went, “Oooooooooooooooooo.”

 

“Now kids, ounce for ounce the human tongue is the most powerful muscle in the body.  Can you imagine what sex would be like if your penis was that powerful and flexible?

 

“Could I have a talking penis?” asked one boy.

 

“What would be the point?” asked a girl.  “Since it would only say stupid stuff.  Boys go to Jupiter so they can get stupider.”

 

 

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