A Little at A Time

Chapter 11
A Final Update

So, all of that happened about a year ago. I should bring you up to date.

The government and pharmaceutical manufacturer reached a settlement that paid a large sum to the families of victims like me. Technically, Jessica could have retired, but she chose to hire a nanny for me and keep working. Part of the settlement included a lifetime supply of diapers – the real kind, not just protective underwear. They are extra thick and have tapes. That’s good because I really have no control anymore. The thumb sucking became a problem, so Jessica got an adult-sized pacifier, which pretty much never leaves my mouth. My fine motor skills have gotten much worse. I definitely need a bib when eating and most of the time I end up with food on my face and bib. I can color and paint, but it’s messy and I don’t really stay within the lines. My gross motor skills are also pretty bad. I sort of waddle when I walk and I tire quickly. I also have a tendency to trip and fall. Jessica got an adult-sized stroller for trips to the mall or grocery store. It’s just a lot easier.

We definitely get stares when we’re out and about. But, the “Regressive scandal” has become public now. It was much wider spread than they thought, affecting around 250,000 people. So, although it’s still unusual to see an adult in a stroller or running around a playground with a bulky “diaper butt,” most people figure it out and understand. Jessica found a local support group. We attend monthly meetings and Jessica has arranged play-dates for me with two other adults from our area who have the same condition.

At first, I tried to maintain my reading and math skills by reading the paper or doing crossword puzzles. But I had too much trouble concentrating and eventually the words just became too hard. Jessica got me some more basic children’s books and that worked for a while, but eventually it all just became jibberish to me. Jessica hired a tutor to teach me to read again. We’re still working on it, but don’t seem to be making much progress. I really love it when Jessica reads me a bedtime story. Ashley sometimes reads to me too.

I love my building blocks and trains and can spend hours playing with them happily. My behavior is good for the most part, although I have a stubborn streak and can throw tantrums when I don’t get my way.

My relationship with Ashley is good. I don’t think she fully understands what has happened to her Dad, but she plays with me nicely and we rarely fight. Jessica and I are good, I think. At first, she cried a lot. She seemed to drink a lot of wine and put on some weight. I got the feeling sometimes that she was mad at me, but I didn’t know why. I still feel sad when she leaves. She set up a bedroom for me in what used to be our guestroom. It is filled with toys and posters of my favorite cartoon characters. I have my very own big boy bed. About six months ago, I woke up in the middle of the night, scared from a nightmare. I don’t know why, but I started crying and yelling “Mommy! Mommy!” Jessica came running in, saying “It’s OK, Timmy, Mommy’s here.” I never called her Jessica again.

About three months ago, Jessica had me sign some papers. She explained what they were for and used lots of words that I didn’t understand. But I did my best to print my name and was pretty proud of myself for doing it. I now understand that she was filing for divorce. I can’t say that I blame her.

I occasionally have “clear” moments – maybe once a week. My mental abilities come back and I can type (with great effort). That’s how I’m writing this now. To be honest, I hate it when I’m clear. It’s just too painful to realize everything I’ve lost. I find that if I go back to doing something childish, the clear moment passes more quickly, so that’s what I usually do. It does seem that I’m having fewer clear moments in the last couple weeks. That’s why I figured I should write all this down, just in case.

About a month ago, Jessica started seeing someone. His name is Jeff. He is one of her clients. He’s a big guy, handsome, about four inches taller than me, and well-built. The first time Jessica introduced us, I didn’t think anything of it. But then, he started coming over more frequently and eventually, he started having “sleepovers” most weekends.

Jeff is always very nice to me and will sometimes sit down on the floor with me and play trains. He doesn’t change my diapers, though. Once, when we were playing trains, he noticed that my face was scrunched up and I was grunting softly. He got up and left the room. I heard him call down to Jessica “I think someone’s got messy pants.” She came upstairs and changed me. I didn’t really think much of it, although part of me was glad that Jeff didn’t see my private parts.

Last week, I was sitting at the top of the stairs when Jeff walked in the front door. When Jeff stepped inside, Jessica put her arms around his neck and kissed him. Jeff placed both of his hands on her round backside, gently squeezing and rubbing it. Jessica smiled and pressed her body against his. "Jeff," she purred, "not in front of the little guy."

I got really mad. This was wrong somehow, I thought. I started to stomp down the stairs, ready to tell him to knock it off.

Jeff saw me, smiled, and – with his hands still rubbing my wife’s big bottom – said “Hey, sport, how are you today? I’ve got something special for you!”

I immediately forgot what I was about to say and became memorized, wondering what he had brought me! He pulled a toy car out of his coat pocket and held it up. I was transfixed. Then he showed me that the car could transform into a plane! I started jumping up and down clapping. I barely noticed some urine dribbling into my diaper. He handed me the car and I turned to run back upstairs to my room. “Timmy, now what do you say to Jeff?” Jessica asked. “Oh,” I answered, “Sorry Mommy. Thanks Jeff!”

THE END