When It Rains, It Pours

Chapter 6
VI (Angelica)

As you might have guessed, I was not always like this. I’m talking about the curse, of course. In fact, my being cursed is a rather new thing. It happened a little over a year ago...

Her name was Angelica. I might be called “crude” on occasion, but even I could appreciate the beauty in Angelica. She had a figure that was thin, fine, and well-proportioned all at the same time. I could detect no flaws on her smooth skin. She had thick, long hair that reached to her waist, and it was completely snow white in color. That’s the part of her that I noticed first.

I was sitting at the bar, the same bar I had been frequenting ever since I dropped out of college. I was content to spend that evening drinking and going home, but that was before I saw that head of hair. There it was: gleaming, looking perfect, waves running through it whenever she moved her head to drink or talk. She just sat at the bar, occasionally sipping from a glass, all the while entertaining the various men that approached her. One by one, she terminated the conversation and sent each man away.

Due to my slight intoxication, I was not daunted by the previous mens’ failures. When she was alone, I took my turn and sat next to her.

“Hello. I’m Dameon.” I could never credit myself with being too smooth.

She smiled slightly and looked at me. Her eyes were another peculiar thing about her. You know how some people have eyes that seem to change color depending on how far away they are? Hers were like that, but they seemed to cycle through every color of the rainbow as she was nearer or farther. “I’m Angelica. You come here often?”

“Yeah, I’ve been coming here for a month or two.” She nodded, and I didn’t have anything to say. “Err, your hair is very nice,” I said truthfully.

“Oh, thanks,” she said, brushing it with one of her perfect hands.

“So, what do you do for a living?” I asked.

“Odd jobs, this and that, you know.”

“Yeah, say no more. That’s the kind of thing I have going now.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Say, you into sports?”

“No, not really.” Damn. I needed to find a topic to talk to her about, because the conversation was going nowhere fast.

“Well, what are you into?”

“Hmm, let me think... I practice calligraphy. I also like art films. Oh yeah, and I draw.”

The first two things she said made me queasy, but I was interested by the last one. “You draw? Really? How long have you been doing it?”

She answered, revealing that she had been drawing for three years or so. I replied that I had been taking some classes recently. The rest of the evening’s conversation was dominated by discussions on techniques, favorite subjects, and by doodling on the bar’s napkins. I wasn’t as into the conversation as she was, but I feigned interest. I was trying to get her in a good mood, hoping that I might sleep with her later.

Soon the barstools were being placed on the counter, and some guy was sweeping the floor. “Closing time! You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here,” said the bartender, strolling by us. I thought of that revolting Semisonic song and cringed inwardly. Angelica cast a scornful look at the bartender, but I got the feeling that she wasn’t just irritated by the trite saying.

We did as we were told and left the bar. It was a nice night, warm but breezy.

“So, what are your plans now?” Angelica asked, beating me to it.

“Oh, I didn’t have anything planned.”

“Why don’t you come with me to my apartment? I can show you some of the sketches I’ve been working on.”

I smiled, and agreed. One taxi ride and two flights of stairs later, we were at her apartment. The first thing I noticed about the place was the innumerable books. They were everywhere; in stacks, lying around randomly, some filling enormous shelves. They were all hardcovers, and none of them featured a title. Besides the books, the apartment was very tidy.

“What are all these books?” I asked, perplexed.

“Oh yeah, reading’s my other hobby,” she said.

She led me to a room which I took to be her drawing room. A slanted desk with drawing supplies around it dominated the small chamber. There were several books here as well. Angelica showed me some sketches, all sharing the smooth lines and mastery of shapes her doodles had. I said some words of praise, and she thanked me. She led me back to her living room, cleared some books off the couch, and invited me to sit. She left to her kitchen and returned with a bottle of wine and a pair of glasses. I smiled to myself: finally, things were looking up.

We drank the whole bottle, getting considerably more intoxicated than we did at the bar. Before we knew it, we were shedding our clothes and feeling each other’s bodies. Soon we were rolling around on the floor, scattering books from their tall piles. We performed the act, climaxing together. I passed out shortly afterwards.

Waking up, I noticed that I was still naked and on the floor. I listened to find out if Angelica was awake or not. I heard the turning of pages, and opened an eye to see her browsing through one of her books. She was sitting on the couch, and she was in her underwear only. I closed my eye, feigning sleep. I wanted to wake up before her and leave without much of a fuss, but that didn’t seem to be an option anymore. The best I could hope for was to leave when she was in another room or something. Angelica was a very attractive woman, and gave me some of the best sex of my life, but I found her to be far too weird.

After a few minutes of lying still, a sharp and sudden pain went off in my head. My head was hurting before from being hung over, but this was above and beyond any headache. I gritted my teeth, not stirring. The pain left as quickly as it had appeared. After a moment, I heard Angelica walk away to her kitchen.

I snapped up, and put on my scattered clothes. Just as I was done putting my shirt back on, Angelica came back, also fully clothed.

She gave me an unreadable look. “You should go now,” she said.

I didn’t want to argue, but I thought this highly unusual. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m going,” I said, bewildered. I headed out the door and down the two sets of stairs. It was a nice, if overly bright, morning. As I went to the curb to hail a taxi, someone called out to me.

“Hello, Dameon,” said the voice. I looked to the right, and saw Angelica looking back at me with the same indecipherable expression.

“Uh, hi, Angelica,” I said awkwardly. I had no idea how she had gotten there so fast. Almost as strangely, she was wearing a black plastic poncho. A slight wind picked up, blowing her magnificent white hair in enchanting patterns.

“I have to thank you for the sex, but I also have an apology.”

“What?”

“It’s not really your fault, but you fucked up pretty bad just now.”

I had no idea what she was talking about, so I just stared at her blankly.

She pulled out one of those books from inside her poncho, and studied a page for a moment. She traced something onto the page, then closed her eyes. I felt a strange feeling in my stomach: like a combination between airplane turbulence and that “butterflies in the stomach” sensation you get when you anticipate something big. “I never answered your question about the books. It’s like this: I’m a witch. These are spellbooks, I guess you could call them that.”

“Are you joking? You’re nuts!”

I bet you felt a severe headache this morning, didn’t you?”

“No,” I lied. “Besides being hung over, no.”

She smiled. “Yes you did. That was me looking into your mind. I saw every detail that I wanted to know - everything you didn’t want me to know.”

I was done talking to this madwoman. “Please. Excuse me, I have to get a taxi.”

“I’ve screwed a lot of guys who were only interested in me because of my body,” she continued. “But you were definitely the most manipulative. I had to use my powers to see your shallowness. Also, I have to admit that you’re the first guy I’ve read that has listened to an entire Yo-Yo Ma album.”

She knew about my weakness for the cello, that concerned me. I still wasn’t convinced, however. “Not buying it, sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter if you believe me or not. I’m still very, very cross with you.”

“Yeah? Well, why don’t you do something about it, if you’re really a witch?”

She smiled. “Actually, I already have.”

I snorted contemptuously. “And what’s that?”

“Find out for yourself.” She took a quick look at another one of her books, and clenched her fist. “What’s that phrase? When it rains, it pours?”

Suddenly, a great mass of dark clouds appeared overhead, blotting out the sunshine. A light drizzle started to pour down. I looked up, shocked. It was a cloudless sky only seconds ago. Angelica just smiled more and pulled the hood of her poncho up.

“I did that, if you can’t tell. This is just the beginning. Pay close attention now.”

As the raindrops splattered against my skin and soaked into my hair, the third unusual feeling of the day came to me. My skin tingled, it felt like my entire body was asleep. “What is this? I feel...”

“That’s the curse,” she said proudly. “You’ll start to notice some changes in a moment.”

I still didn’t believe her completely, but I was starting to come around. “What changes?” I asked, my voice betraying my mounting fear.

“How does your belt fit now?”

I hurriedly checked the waist of my jeans. It was strangely loose.

“You’ve gained weight since you dropped out of school.”

“What the hell does that mean?” I was starting to get a little mad. The rain was still pelting me, and the tingling feeling was not subsiding.

“Haven’t you figured it out? Another hint: do you remember shaving this morning?”

I was perplexed for a moment, then felt my jaw. It was almost completely smooth, although I hadn’t shaved for over three days. “Wha...” I murmured as I absorbed this fact.

“Hmm, it’s really taking effect now.”

“What did you do? What is happening to me?” I said, panicking.

“If you want me to spoil the surprise, so be it. This is what we call the ?hex of baleful rejuvenation’. When it is active, you will regress to a younger state.” .

“Y-younger?” I said incredulously, glancing down at myself. I definitely didn’t feel younger.

“Indeed,” she said coolly. “How does it feel to be seventeen again?”

“You’re crazy,” I said, trying to sound dismissive.

“Feh, deny it if you want. Even from here, I can see the more apparent changes.” She took a few steps forward, and examined me. “Your muscle mass and tone has decreased, your facial hair is almost completely gone, your facial structure is beginning to look more juvenile, and if I’m not mistaken, you’ve lost more than a few centimeters in height.”

I began thinking up another retort to her claims, but paused as I absentmindedly reached up to scratch my face. The sleeve of my shirt was long, much too long. I was used to the cuff resting at my wrist, but it now came all the way to my knuckles. I rolled up my sleeve out of annoyance, but paused at another disturbing revelation. Everything didn’t seem... right. My hand might have looked different, perhaps smoother or slimmer. I could have noticed that my arm wasn’t nearly as thick as it was minutes ago. Whatever it was, I knew at that point that something was going on.

As if she had sensed my newfound discoveries, Angelica stepped even closer to me and said, “Hmm, the adult sizes don’t fit as well anymore, do they, Mr. Fifteen-year-old?”

“What did you do to me?” I asked, horrified. I was more than convinced that she was a witch then.

“Oh, I could just pinch your cheek,” Angelica said in a fakely sweet way. She continued to advance toward me. “What’s happening to you? I’ve told you, you just won’t accept it. It’s so cute when they don’t admit it!”

I barely heard what she said. I was busy looking down at my torso, watching the transformation. It was like my body’s muscles were melting away: my shirt wrinkled and sagged as the body underneath reverted to a teenager’s scrawniness. “Oh my God...” I murmured. My voice had risen in pitch just enough for me to notice. “Help! You’ve got to stop this!” I pleaded.

Angelica grinned. “I’m afraid not, kiddo. You messed with the wrong lady, and your punishment is permanent.”

My pant legs bunched at my feet, and I could feel the waist slipping. I realized then that I was getting shorter. Everything seemed subtly different: higher up, even larger. My feet had plenty of room in my shoes now, a fact I discovered after I began to step away from the ever-approaching Angelica. “Permanent? No! You’ve got to change me back!”

She came to a halt, and stood a couple of feet before me. “You don’t deserve to be a man, Dameon. I’m making it so you don’t always have that priviledge.”

Everything appeared to stretch and expand before me, especially Angelica. My already outsize clothing washed over my dematuring body, giving me the impression that I was wearing clothing-shaped drapery. I gaped at her, shocked that I had to glance up to see her face.

She rested a hand on my shoulder. It felt large to my new size, and it seemed to grow as she held it there. “Do you understand now? Have you learned a lesson about women?”

“Yes! Now-“ I started, but halted when I heard my unnacceptably prepubescent voice. The rain poured on more thickly now, matting my hair and dampening my clothes. The droplets splattered off of Angelica’s poncho as she grinned down at me. In shocked silence, I did nothing as my viewpoint sank lower and Angelica became more like a giant before me. I went from being level with her chin, then to her chest, then down to her stomach before she acted.

“That’s enough,” she said as she slipped her hands underneath my arms. She half dragged, half lifted me from where I was standing to a dry place by her apartment building, leaving my pants and shoes behind. I thought: how light I must be, that she can haul me about with such ease. I looked down at myself, but my body was cloaked by the excess of my shirt. I could see some of my little arms poking out through the folds of my shirt, and my feet and hairless shins could be viewed, dangling in the air as they currently were.

She lifted me up to her face and pressed me against the wall. “I must thank you. You were the perfect subject for this hex I had to complete. Oh, and the sex was nice.” She kissed me on the cheek quickly, and began to mutter some phrase. “Good luck,” she said, and I remember nothing after that.

 

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