Hide & Seek

Chapter 9
Squeaky Clean

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Chapter Description: Valerie is back and she's brought a certain teddy bear with her.

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IX

John sits on his bed and looks down at his dirty feet, It’s times like this that he would much prefer to not look like a grubby seven-year-old boy in a stained school uniform.

Valerie sits on a chair in the corner. Like old times, like four whole days ago. She has a black canvas bag by her feet. ?Missed you.’

John nods. ?I had things to do. Sorry I couldn’t stick around for milk and a story.’

Valerie shrugs with a smile. ?You got older. A big boy in primary school. Aren’t you clever.’

?You didn’t count on Abbie,’ John replies. ?She was brilliant.’

?Yes.’ Valerie bends down and unzips her bag. ?A little less brilliant now, although very sweet.’ She pulls the teddy-bear from the bag. ?Anyway, I brought your special friend, Johnny, he wants to say hello.’

John is tempted to screw his eyes shut and stick his fingers in his ears, but he does neither as Valerie flicks the switch on the bear’s back. ?Come give Teddy a hug, darling.’

The bear’s eyes light up, so bright. John has imagined this moment so many times since Abbie had rescued him. As he slides off the bed and walks over to the bear, he knows that this moment was inevitable. Valerie was always going to find him, and she was always going to bring the teddy bear.

Such a special teddy bear.

Inevitable, and John feels a tickle in his mind and the beginnings of a giggle in his throat. He’s seen all this before, a hundred times in his mind, and he knows how the story has to end.

?Cuddle teddy?’ he asks, his arms wide and voice sweet.

Valerie smiles. ?Of course, honey-bun.’ She hands the brown bear to John who rewards her with a dazzling grin.

John clutches the bear to his chest, rubbing the bear’s back with both hands, and then, finding the switch, he smoothly turns off the bear.

Without power, the bear seems to grow cold in his arms. He tosses it onto the bed and then gives Valerie a hard look. ?I’m not coming home with you.’

Valerie frowns. ?How did you-?

?You need to fix this,’ John says. ?You’ve made a mess and you need to fix it. I’m a grown-up and so is Abbie. You’re going to tell me how I get my real age back and you’re going to fix Abbie as well. And then you’re leaving.’

Standing in front of his very ex-girlfriend, John steels himself, ready for war, for whatever other tricks Valerie has in her bag. But as it turns out, Valerie is fresh out of rabbits.

She puts her head in her hands. She could be laughing which would be bad, but when she takes her hands away and looks at John, she’s crying which isn’t much better. ?You don’t want me’ She looks up at John. ’I just wanted to be a mother. I had to choose someone to make little and who else could I choose? You’re my best friend, John, I didn’t want to be just someone’s mummy.’

John softens but he’s not about to hand her a Kleenex. ?You hurt Abbie. You’ve stuck her with the mind of a child.’ He thinks of how he’d left Abbie; in her bedroom, playing happily with a scruffy toy elephant. ?You need to make this right again.’

?You don’t...’ Valerie rubs her eyes. ?You don’t know how it feels to want something so badly.’

John stays standing in front of her, sunburned and dirty. ?I have a pretty good idea.’

Valerie digs into her bag once more and retrieves a small glass bottle. ?It’s okay. I brought the serum. I’ll turn you back.’

?Just like that?’ John stares at her. ?Besides, Abbie already tried that stuff, it didn’t survive the journey.’

?I know how to pack,’ Valerie says with a weary smile. ?Your new pal didn’t know everything.’ She sniffs. ?Look, I got it wrong. I thought there was a part of you that wanted to be my little boy. I really did. I wasn’t trying to hurt you.’

?But you did.’

Valerie replies quickly, ?I know, I’m sorry. I’m going to make this right.?

John puts a hand on her shoulder, as imposing as he can manage at seven years old. ?Val, I really liked you. But I’m deadly serious. One wrong move and I’ll wring your neck.’

She nods. ?Understood.’ A final sniff, a roll of the shoulders, and Valerie stands up. ?Okay,’ she says, ?we need to get you washed.’

?What for?’

?You have to be clean,’ Valerie replies. ?Age-change isn’t a party trick, this is a medical procedure. You’re lucky you got away with the change you managed after your flight, easy to get a nasty infection if you don’t do it right. Something else little Abbie didn’t know about.’

John says. ?I’ll take a quick shower.’

Valerie rolls her eyes. ?Just take the bath I ran for Abbie. You’re feet are filthy, you need a scrub-down, and I know you’ll feel better after some bubbles.’

John looks down at his feet, then back at Valerie. ?Actually, I doubt it. But fine, whatever.’

They go through to the bathroom and John pulls off his clothes, standing naked before Valerie. It doesn’t feel like anything; not history, and definitely not future. It’s merely necessary.

?What a grubby little monster,’ Valerie says. ?Need help getting in?’

?I’ve got it,’ John replies. He steps into the bath and sits down. The water has cooled somewhat, mercifully not stinging his sunburned arms and legs. The bath is thick with foamy bubbles which tickle his nose, making him sneeze, and then laugh, despite the situation, despite all that’s at stake.

?I’ll just go check on Abbie,’ Valerie says. ?Be careful now, John, you were very clever to avoid the teddy bear just now but even a few seconds can be enough to get someone confused. You might start to find it hard to stay focused, but that’s okay, I’ll keep you right.’

John nods. ?Sure.’ Alone in the bath, it occurs to John that he does feel a little fuzzy, but nothing serious. Valerie should help him, it’s the least she could do.

Valerie comes back and reports that Abbie’s taking a nap - they don’t have to worry about her for a few minutes. Valerie starts to shampoo his hair and it’s on the tip of John’s tongue to tell her that he can do that himself, but it feels so good when she rubs his scalp that he decides to let her carry on. He can just pretend he’s at the hairdressers, having his hair cut - that’s a grown-up thing.

?Keep your eyes shut, sweetie, so shampoo doesn’t get in your eyes.’

Valerie rinses John’s hair, the water pouring down his face and back. Something knocks against his little legs, and shampoo-free, he looks down into the foamy bubbles and laughs when he pulls out a bright yellow plastic duck. Where did that come from? It must have been for Abbie, and John blushes to think of Abbie’s mind being so reduced that she would enjoy playing with bath toys. That’s John’s fault, he got her involved in this, and it’s his responsibility to get her back.

But such worthy thoughts are hard to hold onto when there’s a rubber duckie in your lap. John squeezes the duck experimentally and is rewarded by a squirt of water out of its orange bill, hitting Valerie on her chest and making her laugh. ?What a rascal you are!’ Valerie says brightly and John giggles. He can’t help his high laugh, sounding just like an excited little boy, and it’s okay to laugh with her, a blast from the recent past, no harm in sharing a joke.

John and Valerie, Valerie and John. They’re over of course, no matter what age he ends up being. Valerie’s used up her trustworthiness jokers, her second chances. All that’s left for her is this opportunity to make things as right as they can be, before they part ways.

John lets the lavender scent of the bubble-bath take his mind into a tranquil state, content for Valerie to wash his hair, looking down at the yellow duck between his legs as he watches it bob in the bubbly water.

He doesn’t even really hear what Valerie is saying as she washes his body with a sponge the same bright yellow as the duck. But when she vigorously washes his feet - ?So grubby! You’re like a little street-urchin! - tickling his soles with the sponge, it brings him back to attention and he laughs up at her, surprising himself by excitedly splashing the surface of the water with the palms of his hands.

Being tickled feels so funny!

Valerie laughs too. ?What a splashy boy you are! There now, all clean, and you’ve been so good, playing with your duckie like a good boy, no silly tears, aren’t you good.’

John nods. ?All clean. I can-’

Valerie cuts him off. ?Yes that’s right! All lovely and squeaky clean. Now, out you get, before you turn into a prune.’ Valerie lifts John out of the bath and sets him down on the bath mat. Then she dries him gently off with a fluffy towel. ?You really did get burned today, darling. Your little arms and legs look sore.’

John agrees and doesn’t complain when Valerie takes him back through to the bedroom and applies after-sun cream to his arms and legs. ?See, Johnny?’ Valerie says, sounding much more cheerful than she had before John’s bath. ?I thought of everything, I knew with your fair skin that you’d get all pink and owie!’ She rubs the cream on John’s skin so gently, it feels wonderfully cooling.

?There, feel better?’

John nods with relief. He’s glad that Valerie is here to take care of him.

Although there is something bothering him. A funny tingling he’s just noticed, previously hidden by the sunburn. His head feels strange.

Squeaky clean.

Where did that voice come from? A buzzing in John’s head. ?Skeeky clean!’ he parrots abruptly, and giggles. The words sound so funny on his tongue. Then he frowns, embarrassed at his mental slip. He feels younger, he feels...John picks his polo shirt off the floor and holds it to his chest - it still fits, so he isn’t younger. But he does feel strange.

John catches sight of the teddy bear under his bed. And there’s something...

Squeaky clean for Mummy.

He retrieves the bear gingerly and looks into its face. He frowns, and then giggles, confusion seeping into his mind. ?Val, the bear’s on again!’ He looks back at the bear, feeling its soft fur, looking like a freshly-bathed little boy holding his favourite teddy bear.

John shakes his head, trying to remove the tingles, then fumbles at the bear’s back and switches it off. He looks up at Valerie, fighting his muddled emotions. ?You turned it back on.’

Valerie shakes her head. ?No, I was with you, remember?’ She stands there, hands in her pockets. ?Isn’t that odd...’

John’s voice becomes an accusing whine. ?C’mon Val, you did it, you’re such a-?

John is interrupted by a buzzing in his hands, and he looks down to see with horror that the bear has once again come to life, eyes glowing. Horrified, John throws it to the ground and kicks it under the bed, even more horrified that he feels so very naughty for doing so.

He runs over to Valerie and looks up at her pleadingly. ?Why’s it doing that? It turned on all by itself!’

Valerie rubs her chin, and then nods. ?Oh dear...yes, I see what’s happening.’

?What?’ John asks, desperate. ?What is it?’

Valerie sits down in the chair, ready to tell a story. ?Teddy still wants to do the job he was designed to do. He wants to turn you into a baby.’

?I can’t be a baby,? John replies hotly’. He glances back at the bear. He can sense it vibrating, its red eyes searching him out. It’s not just a toy, it’s alive. ?We better smash it up. We better kill it.’

?No,? Valerie says with a serious expression. ?That’s just how a silly little boy would think. You can’t solve problems by breaking your toys, darling, you have to be more grown-up than that.’

?Then I’ll run away,’ John says, taking a step back. ?I’ll go where he can’t find me and I won’t come out ever.’

?No,’ Valerie says again. ?Do you really thing you can go further than you’ve already traveled? Teddy will always find you, that’s what he does. Besides, if you’re off playing hide and seek how will I be able to make you a big boy again?’

John bites his lip, his mind racing. He wants to stamp his bare feet, he wants to burst into tears, but Val just says, ?You have to be sensible, Johnny. We have to sort this out before I make you big again, otherwise you’ll just be a big boy with a little baby’s mind. And you don’t want to be all smooshy.’

John shudders, the picture of him being left as a giggling, drooling infant all too clear in his mind.

Valerie continues, ?Teddy knows that if you’re just a little boy, you’ll try and escape, so it wants to make you an innocent little baby who doesn’t know anything about running away from his mummy. If we can make Teddy believe that you’re a baby, then his work is done and he’ll leave you alone.’

?But how’s he going to think that?’ John cries. ?I’m a big boy!’

?It’s okay,’ she says calmly, ?I’m prepared for everything, remember?’ She reaches into her bag and this time pulls out a fuzzy yellow outfit and something that looks like white towel.

?What’s that?’ John asks.

?It’s a baby outfit in your size, John. I thought we might need this and I was right.’ She smiles. ?All you need to do is dress like a baby and then Teddy will think his work is done.’

John looks anxiously as Valerie unfolds the clothes to reveal a pair of fleecy yellow footed sleepers decorated with red, blue and green baby blocks, followed by a thick cloth nappy. He clenches his fists at his sides. ?No way,’ he says, breathing hard in his growing panic. ?No way I’m wearing that.’

Valerie stands up and says matter-of-factly, ?I won’t force you, sweetie. You can dress up in the special clothes and fool teddy into thinking you’re a baby, or you can stay naked like a silly little boy and teddy will make you think like a baby. It’s your choice.’

John looks under the bed and sees the bear still on, still humming its muddling tune, threatening to turn his mind to jelly. He looks pleadingly back at Valerie, desperate for third option, a part of him wanting to dive onto Valerie’s lap for her to make everything better.

But she’s right. There’s no other way.

John hangs his head. ?Fine.’ He does as Valerie tells him, lying down the carpet as she pins on the cloth nappy. It feels absurdly thick, forcing his legs apart. But as when Valerie applied the soothing after-sun cream, it also feels comforting. On his back, John looks across at the teddy bear, only a few feet away under the bed, staring right at him, probably ready to reach for him.

?Hurry up, Val!’ John stage-whispers, terrified that the bear will see through the trick.

?I don’t want to prick you with the pins, sweetie,’ Valerie says smoothly. Then, ?All done.’

John gets to his feet and lets Valerie help him into the footed pajamas and then groans as she zips him up. Looking down at himself, the tell-tale bulge around his waist and the infantile design on his outfit, he looks like an over-grown toddler. He feels tears in his eyes, imagining what Jenny the air hostess would think of him now. She’d be sure he was retarded, a big baby who wasn’t even potty-trained.

He looks up at Valerie. ?What’re you smiling about? I look stupid.’

Valerie keeps smiling. ?It’s worked, sweetie, look!’ She points towards the bed and John sees the bear, eyes shut and lifeless.

He grins. ?We did it!’

?Teddy thinks you’re just a sweet baby now, isn’t that lovely.’

John nods, filled with relief. ?You can make me big again.’

Valerie pats John on the bottom. ?That’s right. Now let’s go downstairs and I can make you a snack so that you’ve got the energy to be a big boy again. Take the bear down with you, darling, so we can keep an eye on him.’

John smiles at Valerie. She really has taken care of everything. He feels very warm in his pajamas but it’s a small price to pay for tricking Teddy.

They go to the bedroom door, John waddling like a toddler in his thick nappy, letting Valerie take his left hand and holding the bear with the other. It reminds John of his first morning back as a child, the legs of his bulky snowsuit swishing back and forth, and he giggles at the memory.

They find Abbie in the hallway. Funny, he’d almost forgotten all about her in all the excitement.

Abbie looks grumpy but John smiles. ?I fixed Teddy, Abbie! He thinks I’m a baby and he went to sleep!’

Abbie rubs at her eyes. ?Mister Elephant’s gone sleeps too, I’m bored,’ she says. ?And you look silly.’

Valerie sighs and John looks up to catch a distracted look on her face. Valerie takes the elephant and checks its back. ?Just needs fresh batteries, Abbie, I’ll take care of it.’

?I’m puh-tending to be a baby, it’s the plan,’ John whispers, stung by Abbie’s comment but also worried the teddy bear might somehow still be listening.

Abbie frowns. ?You’re s’posed to stay away from teddies.’

John frowns as well. The golden rule and he’s broken it. He hadn’t thought this through but it had been easier, especially when the teddy had been switched on, to let Valerie be in charge.

He looks at Abbie, who seems to be struggling with an idea. She walks over and whispers in his ear, ?Your mummy’s tryin’ to make you a baby.’

John shakes his head. That’s not the idea at all, Abbie’s confused. But then he looks down at himself, at his fuzzy yellow pajamas, wearing a nappy, holding the teddy bear and Mummy’s...Valerie’s hand.

He whispers, ?Teddy’s not a real bear, that’s silly.’ He looks up at his ex-girlfriend, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together in his muddled mind, past thoughts of wooden train sets and bouncy balls, and he’s tempted to put his thumb in his mouth as if that will help him concentrate.

Teddy’s just a toy. A toy that turns on and off by itself. Valerie has to be behind this, there’s no one else. But trapped by childish logic, he’s scared to accuse her, to say the words out loud, in case the bear starts up again, tickling his hands and whispering secrets.

To Be Continued...

 

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