A Tortured Soul

Chapter 10
Chapter 10

Eddy sat in the livingroom in Katie’s lap, nursing hard on his ba-ba. He was trying to finish it before they left the house. He was dreading the walk from the front door to the car, because even if he finished his ba-ba he would have to nurse his paci, and still look like a baby to anyone that saw him.

Katie whispered in his ear, “Such a thirsty baby boy.” When Eddy blushed, she frowned, and said, “No more blushing little boy, babies don’t blush, they smile when you talk to them sweetly.”

This was the first time this morning that he heard the edge in her voice, and it scared him. He tried not to squirm as his bladder let him know he needed to pee pee. Afraid she would get mad, he smiled around the nipple.

“That’s it Sweety, good boy,” she told him with a pat to his bottom.

Eddy hadn’t realized just how thin his underpants were, until Mommy changed him out of his dipey. The thought of going pee pee’s in them made him nervous. It got worse a second later when Mommy came to the couch, and said, “All right, let’s go.”

The seven steps to the door were some of the hardest Eddy had ever taken. He hadn’t managed to finish his ba-ba, and just knew one of the kids from the neighborhood would see him and laugh. He was so thankful when Mommy took his ba-ba from him and put it in the backpack she was carrying.

He wanted to cry when Katie glanced at Mommy, then glared at him. Thinking quickly, he immediately pushed the nipple of his paci into his mouth and began nursing. When Mommy took his paci, and said, “Sweety, I want you to try to be a big boy right now,” he was torn. He really didn’t want anyone to see him nursing on it, but he knew that Katie would do something terrible to Mommy if he didn’t have it. He was forced to finally admit to himself that nursing on it made him feel better, just like hugging Mister Bear did, like he was doing right now.

The disappointment in her voice, coupled with the fear of making Katie angry, made it easy for him to start wailing then. “Pathiiii....Pathiiii,” he cried, big tears rolling down his cheeks then. He just had to get Mommy to give it back.

“Alright, Honey...all Right...here it is,” Mommy told him as she offered it to him and hugged him close.

Eddy nursed furiously on the paci, and glanced at Katie. She was smiling now, and that made him feel a lot better. The speed of his nursing didn’t slow down, as Mommy opened the door, and led him by the hand toward the car. Eddy nuzzled his bear, trying not to think about who was outside, or whether they had seen him or not. He was very happy when Mommy lifted him into the back seat, buckled his seatbelt and closed the door.

Katie opened the rear driver’s side door, placed the backpack on the floor and got in. When Mommy got in, she adjusted the rearview mirror so she could see him, and smiled. He just had to smile back when he saw the love in her eyes.

The car backed out of the driveway, and then started on it’s way. Eddy sat there dreading what was coming. Things got much worse when he felt his stomach cramp. He put his hand to his tummy, and tried not to think about the painful cramps. Katie moved her hand, and as he glanced up to see what she wanted, he wanted to cry. The smile she had on her face told him she knew his tummy was hurting. He was willing to bet that somehow she was responsible for the cramps that were slowly getting worse as they headed away from home.

The moment he’d been dreading came when she winked at him. Scared now, because the person he was frightened of was back, Eddy immediately began streaming pee pee into his underpants. The warm wetness soaked the front, and began working it’s way down toward his bottom.

He tried not to cry when Katie proclaimed, “Aunt Laura, I think Eddy just wet his pants.”

Mommy sat up straight, looking through the rearview mirror, and then reached back toward him. He felt her hand move up his leg and stop when it reached the front of his shorts. He looked down and saw the light colored material had turned dark where it was wet.

“Oh, Sweety, you’re supposed to tell Mommy when you have to go potty.” Mommy told him, the sadness in her voice making him start to cry. “It’s all right, Honey, we’ll get you dry pants when we get there, okay?”

Eddy nodded his head as he continued to cry. He hated making Mommy feel bad because he had wet.

Two minutes later, he let out a soft grunt when a huge cramp hit him. He wanted to shout, “I gotta go potty!” so Mommy could stop the car somewhere, but looked at Katie, saw the determined look in her eyes, and knew better. When she winked at him again, he nursed harder on his paci and waited.

It didn’t take a moment before a very wet sound was heard coming from his behind. He felt the car slow down then, and they turned into a Seven-Eleven parking lot when the next cramp hit. An even louder noise sounded, and Eddy felt a large amount of water squirt from his bottom into his underpants.

Mommy parked the car, got out, and hurried around to open his door. Quick as lightening, she had his buckle undone, picked him up and stood him on his feet. Just then, another larger cramp hit, and Eddy felt more fluid saturate his pants, and begin running down both legs. He was sobbing loudly now, sounding like a very upset two year old.

“Just stand still, Baby,” Mommy told him as she grabbed several paper towels from a roll, and held them to his legs. He looked to see if she was mad at him, and was thankful that she didn’t seem to be.

When more smelly water ran down his legs from the latest cramp, he wanted to disappear. Here he was, standing in a parking lot where everyone could see him, going poopies in his already wet pants, holding a teddy bear, with a paci in his mouth. For the first time in his young life, Eddy wished he had a dipey on.

Katie took some paper towels and began wiping the seat clean of his mess.

“Katie, did you give Eddy another bottle last night?” Mommy asked.

“Yes, he was fussing for it when I got up to go to the bathroom, but I did it just like you said,” she answered, starting to cry. “I put half apple juice and half water.”

“It’s alright Honey, you didn’t do anything wrong; it just means he won’t be drinking apple juice anymore,” Mommy told her.

Two minutes later, when it appeared that Eddy was done messing his pants, Mommy asked Katie, “Can you hand me the wipes, please.”

Katie opened the back pack and put the box of wipes on the seat. Meanwhile, Mommy had taken the nasty wet paper towels, and put them in a plastic bag on the floor of the car.

When Mommy took both his shoes and socks off and began unbuttoning Eddy’s shorts, he wanted to curl up in a little ball and hide. Without a word, she pulled both his shorts and his messy underpants down, slipping them off his feet, dropping them in the plastic bag with the other messy items. He just cried when she began wiping him clean like a baby, as he stood naked from the waist down in the middle of a parking lot.

Eddy tried hard not to blush when Mommy picked him up, laid him on the seat with his bottom exposed to anyone that wanted to look. He cried harder when she pushed his legs apart to pull a clean dipey up between his legs, because now his pee pee was on display. He almost put his hand over it, but caught himself at the last second, knowing that would make Katie angry.

“I’m sorry Sweety,” Mommy comforted him, “but you won’t be wearing big boy underpants for a while. You don’t seem to know when you have to use the potty,” as she pulled a fresh pair of shorts from the backpack, and began threading his feet into them. When his shorts were fastened into place, she picked him up and held him close. “I know, Baby...I know.”

Eddy snuggled close, relishing the comfort she gave him. The feel of her hand patting his dipey made him feel better. At least he wouldn’t have any more messy pants. He hugged his bear tightly, nursing his paci as she rocked him back and forth.

Katie reached over and tapped the nipple cap of a ba-ba in the open backpack, and Eddy swallowed hard before saying, “Ba-ba Mommy?” as he reached for the backpack.

“Hold on, Baby. I need to get something else to put in your ba-ba. You can’t drink what’s in there, it’ll make your tummy hurt, and make a big mess in your dipey.”

Before he knew it, Eddy was sitting on Mommy’s hip, nursing his paci with Mister Bear held close, as they walked toward the convenience store. She paused to drop the bag with his clothes into the trash can outside the door. Eddy knew that that was the last pair of underpants he would see for a while.

Mommy held his ba-ba in her hand as they entered the store. He laid his head down and closed his eyes, trying not to look at any of the people in the store.

It took everything he had not to cry when he heard a woman say, “Awww...I saw what happened, poor baby.”

“Yeah, I think we’re done with apple juice from now on. He was miserable,” Mommy replied.

Eddy heard Mommy put some things on the counter, and ask, “Is there somewhere I can rinse his bottle out?”

“Sure,” the clerk answered, “let me do it for you.”

The whole store knew that was Eddy’s ba-ba now, and he tried not to cry, but the tears just came on their own. He wanted to just cry quietly, but remembered that Katie had told him that he was supposed to cry out loud.

“It’s all right Sweety, you’ll get your ba-ba in just a second,” Mommy told him with several pats to his bottom.

The sound of liquid pouring into a container came next, and then Eddy felt his paci being pulled from his mouth. When Mommy offered him the ba-ba, he took it in his hand and began nursing on the nipple.

He quieted down, and heard the clerk ask in a sweet voice, “Is it all better now?”

He opened his eyes when Mommy told him, “Be nice and answer the nice lady, she just filled your ba-ba, Sweety,” as she handed the lady some money.

Mmmm Hmmm,” he replied, looking at the woman through tearful eyes.

“I’m glad, Baby,” she said with a smile.

Mommy took the change, and headed out of the store. Eddy looked once again at the trashcan where his underpants went as they passed by. When they got near the car, he saw the brown puddle on the ground outside his door. The smell made him want to gag as Mommy put him in the car and buckled him up, and he didn’t miss his underpants anymore. Katie was going to make him go in either a dipey or his pants, and if he couldn’t go in the potty, he would rather do it in his dipey.

**************

Laura wasn’t happy when Eddy wet, but when he messed his pants, she was shocked. Especially after having just reminding him he needed to let her know when he had to go potty. It wasn’t a difficult decision to diaper him again, after all, he either didn’t know he had to go, or he didn’t want to use the potty. Either way, the only answer she could think of was a diaper.

She had felt anxious when they went into the store. She remembered praying that no one Eddy knew would be there. It had to happen sooner or later, so she had just carried him on her hip like she had done years ago.

The relief Laura felt when no one asked difficult questions, or made fun of him was incredible. The lady that stood behind her was so nice. The clerk was wonderful too. She decided she would have to write a letter to the store, praising the clerk for really great service.

The conversation with Gary this morning helped keep her anxiety under control. He wanted Eddy seen by his pediatrician before their appointment. Eddy’s pediatrician was in the same building, so Gary had personally gone down to talk with his doctor, making sure they understood what was going on. The appointment with Dr. Stevens was three hours before the one with Gary, so she thought things should work out fine.

**********

When they entered the doctor’s office, Mommy sat Eddy in Katie’s lap and went to the window to sign him in.

“Good morning Mrs. Deitz,” the receptionist told her.

“Good morning. Eddy has an appointment this morning,” said as she signed the sheet on the clipboard.

“You’re in luck, we had a cancellation this morning, so we should be able to take him back in just a minute. Any changes in insurance or allergies?”

“No, but his situation has changed since he was here last.”

“I’ve been made aware of that, thank you for letting me know though. We’ll be gentle, I promise,” the woman offered with a smile.

“Thank you,” Mommy replied, and headed back to Eddy and Katie.

She had just pulled Eddy into her lap, facing her, when he cramped for a second and then made another wet mess in his dipey. He closed his eyes and nuzzled Mister Bear, ignoring everything around him. The paci helped as he nursed, gaining comfort. Fifteen seconds later, he went again, and the smell hit him. Mommy picked him up, grabbed the backpack, and went to the window.

“I need to go change him,” she said softly to the receptionist.

“No, please don’t do that, they’re going to want a sample. I’ll get someone to take you back now.”

“Thank you,” Mommy sighed. Eddy worked hard, and was able to keep from crying. He just snuggled with her, concentrating on his paci. She shifted his bear slightly, and he got scared. When he fussed, she said, “It’s okay, I’m not taking Mister Bear, I just needed to move him, that’s all,” with a kiss to his cheek.

He felt better then. There was no way he was going to let anyone take Mister Bear.

The door to the back opened, and a nurse called Mommy’s name. “Here we are,” she answered, as she headed toward the door. Eddy didn’t like that. They had always called his name before, but now they called his mommy instead like he was a little boy.

The nurse led her down a hall and into an examination room. She motioned to the examination table, and asked, “Can you lay him down for me? I need to get his vitals and his temperature.”

“He’s messy,” Mommy explained.

“It’s alright. Is he diapered?”

“Yes.”

“Well, that’s better then, because we would have to change him anyway. Besides, it’s easier under the circumstances, to get a stool sample. The doctor wants both stool and urine samples, and we’ll need a blood sample as well.”

Mommy laid him down on the table, and took his socks and shoes off. When she removed his shirt, he was anxious, but after his shorts were take off, and he lay in just a messy dipey, Eddy started to fuss.

“It’s okay Sweety,” the nurse told him as she reached for Mister Bear.

Eddy began crying hard and held on tight to his bear. It scared the daylights out of him. He was worried that Katie would find out if he let it go, and then bad things would happen.

“All right, Sweetheart, I’ll leave the bear alone,” the nurse told him.

Mommy began running her hand through his hair like she used to do when he was little, and he felt better.

“What’s your bear’s name?” the nurse asked.

Still fearful, Eddy answered, “Mithter Beaw,” around his paci.

“Well that’s a nice name for a bear,” she replied with a kind smile. Turning to Mommy she said, “Can you change his diaper? But don’t tape up the clean one until I put something on him to catch his urine.” She reached over and picked up a blue pad and handed it to Mommy saying, “Put this under him just in case.”

Eddy definitely didn’t like the idea of having his poopy dipey changed at the doctor’s office, and was even more unhappy when Mommy started doing it while the nurse stood right there. It seemed to take forever before his bottom was clean, and Mommy laid him down on the dry dipey. He started to fuss when the nurse opened what looked like a plastic baggy and put it over his pee pee, sticking it to his skin.

“It’s alright, Baby. It’s just to catch your pee pee, that’s all. When you go pee pee, they’ll take it off, I promise,” Mommy told him. A second later, she took his paci, and said, “Here drink your ba-ba Sweety.”

Eddy didn’t know if he could be more embarrassed than he felt right now. He laid on this table on a dipey, his pee pee clearly visible through the plastic, drinking from a ba-ba. The nurse put something in his ear for just a second, and took it away when it beeped. A second later, she listened to his chest, and then held his wrist for a moment before writing something down on a clipboard.

When a man opened the door and carried a tray into the room, Eddy closed his eyes. He didn’t want anyone else to see him this way. Mommy kissed his forehead and told him, “Sweety, they need to take some blood.”

Eddy wasn’t sure what she was talking about until he saw the needle that the man laid on the bed. “No Mommy!” he cried loudly, not even trying to hold his pee pee when fear made him want to go. He felt the warm liquid fill the little bag halfway, and then stop.

“Shhh...it’s okay...it’ll only take a second, I promise,” Mommy said as the nurse took the little baggy off his pee pee and taped his dipey closed. “Close your eyes and hug Mister Bear tight. Nurse your paci, and it’ll be over quick I promise.”

Eddy did as she told him, whimpering as he hugged Mister Bear tighter than he ever remembered before. When he felt the elastic band stretched tight onto his arm, he cried louder. The second he felt the stick of the needle, he screamed, and felt Mommy hold him down. He laid there sobbing when Mommy said, “I’m sorry Sweety, we have to take blood to find out why your going potty in your pants.”

He cried his eyes out then. He wanted so bad to tell Mommy why, but after this morning, he was certain that Katie would hurt her if he did. When the needle was removed, and Mommy bent down to kiss him, he hugged her tight as he cried. She picked him up and cuddled him close, patting his dipey as she comforted him. “It’s okay...it’s all done Baby, I promise. No more...All done.”

Eddy laid his head down and sobbed. He had had enough. “Pathiii,” he cried. If he was going to have to be a baby, then he was going to enjoy the comforts that came with it. He was tired of worrying about people seeing him in a dipey, or drinking his ba-ba, or any of it. When Mommy gave him his paci, he snuggle closer, and nursed hard, enjoying how it felt to be close to her. His decision was final when Mommy started rocking him back a forth, kissed his cheek and said, “That’s a good boy. You just snuggle with Mommy.”