D.E.A.L.

Chapter 2
untitled

“?????,” a voice spoke softly to me. I tried to turn to face it, but I couldn’t move. Dozens of spider webs held me fast, anchoring me down. I started to resist, pull away, when the dream ended, leaving me in darkness.

“Hayden?” a voice spoke softly to me, bringing me to wakefulness. I squinted though the pale curtain that filmed my eyes, and realized Dani was standing over me. I turned my head to the window by the bed. The light was lower, darker. I must have slept for quite a bit. Then I remembered...

“Hi...” I said slowly, trying to sit up. I didn’t have to try very hard, once she saw what I was trying to do, she got her arm underneath me and helped me up.

“G’eve, handsome. Did sleep bring anything up?” She sat down on the bed next to me. “Your memories, I mean?”

I shook my head, trying to remain upright. “No, nothing. Same gray haze in place of a past. Thanks for asking, though.”

She raised her eyebrows, but didn’t say anything. “Saul right. Dr. Pierce called in, if you’d like to know. Your mother and him shared a few words.”

I felt a stab of dread for some reason. I decided that amnesiatic or not, I didn’t much like doctors. I think. “What did he say?”

She tapped her chin. “Something about a temporary psychotic break due to your condition. It was no surprise to anyone that you were worsening with each day...I guess...excuse me...something snapped.”

I looked at her. She had pulled her hair off to the side with a thin barrette, keeping it out of her eyes. “What do you mean, worsening?”

“Well...I...you...I don’t want to talk about it. Don’t even think about it. You’ve got this...clean slate going for you, just enjoy it, huh?”

I was about to protest, but something in her eyes told me not to. She continued.

“So, how are you feeling?”

“Tired still...tired and...heavy, I guess.”

She laughed. “I’ve news for you, skinny. With the illness, you’ve dropped about sixty or so pounds. You’re the furthest thing from ?heavy’ as you could get.” She poked at her stomach, which wasn’t all that big, but she wasn’t a skeleton. “I could only wish for your figure.”

I chuckled with her, and she sighed. “Hayden, you have no idea how good it is to hear you laugh again. It’s been quite a while.”

Despite her earlier warning, I thought I could understand that. Without my memories, I could only imagine what it must have been like...trapped flat on your back, unable to move anything but your eyes...I shuddered. That was horrible.

“What did you have to do?”

“Do?”

“Earlier, when you left. You said you had a few things to take care of.”

She thought for a moment, then got it. “Oh, I just had to run to the store, pick up a few groceries here and there. The vacuum needs a new belt...y’know, things we need around the house.”

“Do you live here?” I asked, surprised. “I mean, couldn’t Mar...er...my mom have done all that?”

“Well, no, I don’t live here, but let’s just say that your mom shopping for things we need at the store is the equivalent of one rather long oxy-moron. After a few trips with her, I basically volunteered to take over that particular duty.”

“Oh.” I mulled it over for a moment. “Well...why? I mean, I appreciate the fact that you’ve been here for me, I guess, since the start of this, but don’t you have your own life? Friends?”

She flushed. Or at least I think she did; these eyes of mine couldn’t distinguish between facial shades so well in the low light. “I hate to sound materialistic, but your mom pays me pretty well to do it. Sometimes I do spend the night...there’s a guest room down the hall, so if it’s too late to drive home after we’re done, I usually just crash here. It beats working at McDonald’s. And, outside of school, I’ve never really been that much of a socialite, so...”

“I thought you were a cheerleader,” I said, teasing lightly. Talking to Dani was like a meditation exercise, calming and securing all at once. I didn’t know what it was, but I enjoyed her company. She poked me on the nose.

“Don’t give into stereotypes, you. A body will think you ignorant. Not all cheerleaders are the next Paris Hiltons.”

I inwardly frowned, annoyed that I could understand her reference and not remember anything else. What was my last name? Welk?

“I see. So, when you’re not here, seeing after my every need, do you live at home, with your parents?”

She didn’t answer me, and I think she didn’t hear me. “Soo...are you hungry?” She said quickly, “I image you probably are...you didn’t eat much of anything yesterday.”

I mentally checked the contents of my stomach. Sure enough, the moment I thought about it, my hunger made itself painfully known, eliciting a growl from my mid-section.

“I guess so,” I said, with a rueful grin.

“Good, good!” she said happily, as if glad for a way out. “I’ll go make up...well...darn, this is odd.”

“What?”

“Well, before, we could only feed you...well...liquefied food. Pureed and all that.”

I made a face. “Doesn’t sound too appetizing...”

She looked at me. “Do you think you could eat normal food without drowning?”

I smiled. “Depends on how good a cook you are, right?”

She punched me lightly in the arm. “Easy. I can throw a can of spam into the blender as easily as I can make an omelet...”

I winced. “Point taken.”

She smiled and turned to leave. “Actually, do you want to join me out here? Your mom had to run off to her job. Some horrible disaster upstate demanded her attention, or something. Honestly...”

“Um...Miracle aside, I don’t think I’m walking anywhere,” I said, glancing at my legs. Though the blankets covered them, I knew what they had looked like. Memory loss or no, I wasn’t stupid. Six months of non-use probably rendered them next to useless for the time being.

“Just a moment,” she said, leaving. She came back after a bit with an old wheel chair. It had a high back, and what looked like straps near where my head would go. It actually looked quite frightening, like a dentist’s chair on wheels. I looked at it with a curious and no doubt apprehensive look on my face. This didn’t go unnoticed. Dani looked from me to the chair and back again a few times, then understood. She held up her ?hold on’ gesture, and left with the monstrosity. I inwardly let myself breath. She returned a short time later with a far more...welcoming wheelchair, I guess the type the stereotype was built up on. It was simple, unornate, and strangely, inviting. I looked up at her.

“Do we just have these things lying around?”

She just shook her head, grinning, and rolled it up next to the bed. I wondered how we were going to do this for a moment, when she pulled the covers back, exposing my bare legs. Out of reflex, I tried to cover up. In a swift movement, she reached under my legs, and quickly and swiftly picked me up. She worked quick, twisting to deposit me in the chair. I felt more then a little dizzy from the rough treatment, but I didn’t complain. She huffed and smiled at me.

“Ok, so you’re a little heavy,” she said, gasping.

“Ah, hush...ow?”

She leaned closer. “What? What’s wrong?”

I couldn’t explain. “Something...underneath me...hurts.”

She looked at something quick. “Oh, here, let me get that for you...” I felt a yanking sensation around my lower back, and then relief. I turned my head back at her to ask.

“Your tail was caught under you.”

There was something very odd about that statement, but I let it go. I said my thanks, but then, looking down, saw that all I was wearing was my t-shirt and...well...a diaper. I could feel my fur rising again, and I was about to ask if I couldn’t grab a towel or something to cover up with, but by the time I had opened my mouth, we had already proceeded out the door.

The house was big. There was enough things to look around at to keep my mind off my juvenile garments. I mean, I thought I had at least some idea of what a house was supposed to look like, and I realized that my family, whoever we were, were privileged. As we walked into the hall, I noticed several other rooms down the hall from mine. I wondered as to the occupants, but Dani told me that they were mostly empty, used as store rooms for my mother’s ever growing collection of Stuff. There were family pictures down the hall, but all of them were either of me, I guess, doing school and sports activities, or of Mary in some exotic locale, making wonder, just what did my mother do for a living?

The kitchen was an extravagant affair, large enough to serve a small army of patrons. Beautiful marble top counters, stainless steel oven...I was a little put off by it. I mean, wow. Danielle wheeled me a safe distance from anything flammable, then set about rummaging in the pantry.

“Anything particular on your palate, Hayd? We’ve got just about anything under the sun...”

I thought about it for a moment. “I don’t know. I trust you, make something for the both of us.” She turned. “What do you like?”

“Um...well...me? Well, I like a little bit of everything...but I have a special fondness for spiced potatoes...”

“Alright,” I said. “Spiced potatoes it is.”

She gaped at me. “Are you serious?” She walked over to me. “You may have forgotten who you are, but are you telling me you’ve forgotten what you are too?”

“Pardon?”

“You’re a fox! Phenomenal capacity for meat eating, very little tolerance for anything that wasn’t at one point, running around.”

I considered for a moment. “Will it make me sick?”

She took a moment to ponder the question. “No, I don’t think so...”

I slowly brought my hand up in a ?come on’ gesture. “Well, then I’ll try them. If it won’t kill me, what’s the harm? I just might like them...”

She gave me that odd look again, really clearly taken back by something, but she turned, laughing a bit. “Alright. The Trent family secret recipe for spiced potatoes it is.” She dug a few things out of the refrigerator and pulled a pot off from a rack over the sink. I leaned back, trying not to fall forward, and looked around, admiring the furnishings.

Dinner went great. Dani pulled me around to the low table, where I ate from the wheel chair. She sat next to me, delicately picking at her food, watching me for a moment. The first couple of bites, I could do myself. I was surprised...the food was good, really good, and I told her so, though she had no reply. However, as the meal went on, I could feel my arm starting to ache and grow heavy. Soon, it became a serious chore just to get my fork to my mouth. I let my hand drop after a brief struggle, and leaned back, slightly annoyed.

I looked up as I noticed a fork hovering near my peripheral vision. I turned my head, and saw Dani holding up a bit of potato for me. I didn’t say anything, and she inched it towards me.

“C’mon, I don’t mind.” I still didn’t open my mouth though. She frowned. “Were they really that bad?”

“No!” I protested quickly, shaking my head. “But I don’t want to put you through the troub-!”

“Before you say another word,” she said, looking solemn as she shoved the potato in my mouth as I opened it to speak, “realize that you have done me a great compliment by eating my cooking. I am enjoying the moment, with you not griping about how I should add more meat to my diet, and you not being physically able to feed yourself will ruin it. I’ve said it once, and I’ll probably say it again. I’ve done this before, Hayd. Don’t worry about it, just enjoy.”

I had to chew carefully, almost choking, but I nodded, a slight grin on my face. We continued the meal in silence, her taking a bite for herself, and then helping me with mine.

It looked pretty dark outside, and I asked her the time, and was surprised to hear it was almost eight at night. I didn’t think I had slept that long, but apparently, I had slept the day away. Too much excitement, Dani said about it. I told her that she might have had a point.

After dinner, Danielle helped me back into my bed in the room. Though my mind was racing, wanting to ask her a thousand different questions, my body was weary, wasted. From almost next to no effort, even. It was more then a little frustrating, but Dani only smiled and said she’d be there in the morning if I needed anything. Because my mom hadn’t made it back by now, Dani said that she was going to sleep over. I was a little calmed by that...after seeing how big the house was, I really didn’t want to be here alone.

“Well, you’re still dry, so no need to change you. Be prepared though, we’ll probably have a time of it tomorrow.”

I groaned. “I can’t believe you can do that so nonchalantly. I mean, changing my...er...well, helping me clean up...I must have been quite the boyfriend, to have a girlfriend as loving as you,” I said easily, trying to smooth down the fur on my arms as I laid back.

“Oh...yeah, you were,” she said in an odd voice, causing me to look up. But all I saw was her smile, and she leaned over and kissed me on top of the nose. “Sleep tight, Hayd. I’ll see you in the morning...”

“Good night, Dani...thanks again.”

“Uh huh...” and then she was gone.

“Hey, sleepy...”

“Noo...too early...” I muttered, resisting the voice that had broken into my slumber. On a side note, I had no idea what time it was, but that sounded like a good enough excuse to make the intruder go away.

“That’s not a good enough excuse,” she voice said sternly. “Tis a beautiful day out, Hayd. Up and at them!”

“Grrr...” After a moment’s hesitation, I surrendered to the prospect of waking. I opened my eyes slowly, wincing as the first light stabbed at them painfully. As if encouraged by my discomfort, I heard the sound of curtains being pulled back, and even more light flooded in. Dazed, I blinked and turned my head away from the window, which was framed right next to my head. As my vision cleared, I could make out a person, standing over me, next to the bed. For a scary moment, I didn’t recognize her, and I tensed up, frightened. Then, slowly, out of the gray, the events of yesterday came swimming up to me.

I relaxed slightly, not realizing that I had been holding myself rigid, trying to place her name.

Dani...

“There you are, lazy.” Her accent was more pronounced today, something that I noticed, with a bit of satisfaction. It was a start. “How’d you do, today?”

It took a while to find my tongue. Speaking just felt off, for some reason, but I managed. “Alright, I guess. Good morning...ah, Danielle.”

The girl frowned, sweeping aside some of her hair out of her eyes. “Close, but my name is Cindy. Who’s Danielle?”

“What? I thought...” My brief moment of shock was interrupted by her laughter, high and merry.

“Sorry, Hayden, I couldn’t resist! It’s me, Dani, I swear.”

I stared at her. “Not funny...”

“To me it was.”

I snorted and started to roll over, trying to get up. The effort it took me to get even half way up brought everything else back. From yesterday, that is. Dani watched me, but didn’t say anything for a moment. When I gave up, lying flat on the bed again, she asked, “So, nothing?”

“Nothing. I still feel like I’m made of lead.”

“No...your memory. Has anything come back?”

I sighed. “Clean slate,” I said quietly, starting to worry, despite my earlier confidence.

“Well,” she said slowly, “there’s no time to mope, Hayd. We’ve got a big day planned.”

“Oh?”

“Ayuh. Today’s Wednesday. You know what that means.”

I was still trying to clear the fog of sleep from my brain. I reached up and scratched idly at my ears, inwardly surprised at how easy I was able to do that. It was still a chore, but it seemed like some of the spider webs holding me in place had come loose. That gave me a glimmer of hope.

“I don’t,” I said lightly, grinning a bit. “What is Wednesday?”

She leveled a grin back at me. “Well, it’s the one day of the week where I get to forcibly, despite whatever protests you have, bathe you.”

That took me back. “Excuse me?”

She gestured over my body. “You’re bedridden! You get little air, and even less airing out. I can only do so much with you lying there.”

“Uh...huh.”

“Are you going to start protesting?”

“I was thinking about it.”

“Why?”

“Um...” I realized I didn’t have an excuse. She apparently wasn’t waiting for one as she slipped the blankets off of me. I tried grabbing at them, in a measure to save my dignity, but scratching my ears was the extent of my hand’s abilities this morning.

“Phew,” she said, waving her hand in front of her face. “Wednesday couldn’t have come sooner.”

“Hey!”

She laughed. “Don’t worry. You’re only a little wet. It’s the smell of fox that’s starting to get to me.”

Wet? I inhaled, and then I caught it, bringing another memory from yesterday up, this one, not so pleasant. The slightly sour smell of urine mixed with the stale air in the room was a little strong. I sighed. “I don’t stink.”

“You do, but soon enough, all worries aside. Here,” she said, motioning towards the wheel chair I had failed to notice, “Get up...”

She helped me up into the chair without ceremony, making a note to watch my tail this time as I dropped onto the seat. I realized that it was a little easier to remain upright, a fact that didn’t go unnoticed.

“Hayd...someone upstairs must like you. Look at you...” she stopped. Undoing the brakes with her foot, she turned and wheeled me out of the room. Again, my pleas for something to wear over my lap went unheeded.

The bathroom, surprisingly enough, was a simple affair compared to the rest of the house. At least the parts that I had seen, that is. Nothing special, just a sink, a toilet, a plain, oval bathtub complete with a shower curtain with little fish on it. The lights clicked on automatically as we walked in. Or rather, when Dani walked in. My wheel chair wouldn’t fit through the door.

“Normally, this is a bit of a hassle,” she explained, pausing to think a moment. “Your mom usually helps me just carry you over to the bath tub. She’s not here,” she said, answering my unspoken question. “Business, as always. She sends her love, and mentioned that Dr. Pierce might stop by later this afternoon.” Before I could protest or comment, she continued, “yet another excuse for this bath to happen. Yeah, it’s a hassle, but this time...I don’t think it’ll be that bad.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Let’s just say, Hayden, that you never liked baths. Never. Apparently, hated them with all your soul, if you could be believed.” I frowned.

“I doubt I could have put up much of a fight, I mean, in the state I was in.”

“No,” she said thoughtfully, “but your voice worked just fine.”

“What do you mea-“

“Wait here, I’ll draw the water,” she said, cutting me off. Dani left me in the hallway while she turned towards the bathtub again. It was then I noticed the mirror hanging in the hallway across from me.

My first impression was that I was watching a cartoon. That, or a really good fantasy movie. The face I saw in the mirror didn’t so much as hint to me that it was mine. Staring at myself, I saw no recognition in those dark gray eyes. The mirror did confirm a few things, however. Like Mary, I was a fox, though my ears were a little longer then hers. Dark hair, not fur, grew between them and ended just above my eyes. I couldn’t tell how long it was in the back, but it didn’t feel long. I had a long, narrow muzzle, with contrasting hues of gray and white on the top and bottom. My ears were also tipped in the lighter of the grays. I’d have to ask Danielle what color my fur was in reality. Wait...why would I know about color...huh. I shook myself. Something else to worry about. The mirror only allowed me to see from the chest up, so I took the time to complete the inspection. Looking down, I saw two rather large feet resting snug in the holsters of the wheel chair. They were paws, unlike my hands, which seemed like Dani’s. They were so dark they were probably black, and each ?toe’ ended with a sharp little nail. My gaze traveled upwards until it settled on my underwear. I ignored it for now, and lifted up my shirt as far as I could, overcome with odd curiosity. A circle of the light fur was my belly, and with a moment of horror, I could see that the accident had left me in a bad way. My ribs were clearly visible through my skin, making me look sunken, emaciated. I sighed, about to succumb to a ?woe is me’ attitude, when I noticed my underwear again. It was a simple affair, I guess as diapers go. Two tapes on each side, what felt like, (after an examination) an elastic waistband, thin dark line down the middle that dissolved into nothingness the further it went down. Snorting, I looked up again, and jumped when I realized that Dani was standing behind me.

“See, this is why you can’t be such a picky eater,” she said softly, though her smile was infectious. I didn’t understand what she meant until I realized I was still holding my shirt up. I hastily let it drop.

“Sorry you had to see that,” I said sheepishly.

She grinned and squeezed between the wheel chair and the wall to stand before me. “Always the vain one. Never did a mirror go by without you flexing at least ?one’ of your pectorals at it...”

“Tell me you’re kidding,” I groaned. “There’s no way...”

She poked me in my underdeveloped chest. “You, my dear fox, were quite the stud. And you let the whole world know it, whenever you could.”

“Sheesh. I sound like I was quite the charmer,” I said ruefully. I couldn’t imagine myself like that, but I guess if you’ve got it, you flaunt it... “I suppose I could show up to school in nothing but my incredibly trendy diaper...jocks always start trends, y’know...”

She looked at me oddly, but didn’t say anything. Instead, she leaned over me to look back into the bathroom. “Your waters almost done, miracle boy. How do you want to do this?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, before, your mom would get your legs, and I’d get your arms...” she made a few gestures; I got the picture. “Water, everywhere.” She looked me over. “Do you think you can walk?”

I tried to imagine what it would be to walk. I put a little mental effort into wiggling my toes, and thought I felt something down there respond. I looked up at Danielle, who wore an anxious expression. “I...think I might be able to manage...no harm in trying, huh?”

“Nope...here,” she said, setting the brakes on my chair. “I’m going to grab you around the waist and pull you up, ok? If you feel wobbly, just sit back down. I won’t let you fall.”

It sounded dubious. “Promise?”

“Cross my heart.”

“Alright...” I didn’t say anything as she bent close, putting her arms around me. I ended up almost getting smothered by her soft hair, but the experience wasn’t entirely unpleasant. I’d never told her, but her scent was very calming, peaceful. My brain sent me pictures of cherries and vanilla as she leaned in, and I sighed, slightly intoxicated, if such a thing were possible. I guess for a fox, it was.

She took my sigh as a sign of readiness, and suddenly, I was jerked up, out of my seat, to stand precariously on my own two feet. However, as I was rising, my tail, (a very bushy affair, I had noticed in my earlier examinations) got stuck in the space between the chair and the seat back. It tugged at me with a very painful jerk, and knocked us both off balance. Contrary to my earlier predictions, I had no strength in my legs at all, and the moment I put any weight on them, they buckled at the knees. Instead of sitting back down though, Dani tried to bend down, to steady me, but she ended up getting caught up in the falling mess that was Hayden Welk. Me. After a very quick and very awkward dance, we both ended up on the bathroom floor, her on her back, and me sprawled on top of her.

Quickly, I tried to push myself off of her, worried that she had hurt herself. She was making little snorting noises that in my panic I took for a collapsed airway. I managed to prop myself up on my elbows when I got a look at her face. She was very close to me, and when she caught me looking at her, she stopped giggling, adopting a very serious, and to me, apprehensive look. She looked worried, scared for a brief moment. I kept trying to get off her, but wasn’t having any luck with that.

“Are you alright?!? Oh my god, I’m so sorry!”

She blink-blinked at me, staring at me. A moment passed, and then the room was filled with the sound of sloshing water. The tub was overflowing.

“Ah shit!” she cursed, wriggling free, leaving me to fall rather unceremoniously onto the ground. She stood and turned the water off, letting some of the water drain out. She sighed in relief, smiling until she turned back towards me and noticed my predicament. Just in time, too...the strength in my elbows gave out, and right before my face made good friends with the bathroom rug, she caught me by the shoulders, hauling me around. I was now on my back, looking up at her. I smiled.

“Cross your heart, huh?”

“Oh hush, you. It’s all your fault for needing the bath in the first place.”

“I didn’t ask for one.”

“Believe me, I do us all a favor.”

“Says you.”

“I do.”

Silence.

“Well, anyway, bath’s done...let me get your clothes...”

I hesitated. “Can’t we take our little free fall as a sign that this was just not to be?”

“Nope...” she said, shaking her head. She looked from the bath tub to me, to the tub again. “I can manage that far.”

I sighed. “Alright. Just as I was getting comfortable.” I smiled wanly. “Are you ok? It looked like you hit the ground pretty hard.”

Again, that odd look! “I’m...fine, Hayd. My head’s pretty hard...you’ve always said so.”

“Ok...how do you want to do this?”

“Like this,” she said, tugging on my shirt. On their own volition, my arms shot up, allowing her to pull the garment off. She tossed it into the corner, stepping around me. As she did, something bright and shiny pulled up from around my neck and hit me near the eye. I yipped, startled, and she looked at me.

“Huh...Hayden, when did you get this?” she asked, touching something on my chest. I tried to look down, but I couldn’t see it until she brought it up. It was a key, an ornate one, suspended around my neck by a simple white chain. Seeing it caused something to flash before my eyes, but it was probably the light reflecting off of it. I shrugged, not knowing, and she dismissed it, thinking my mom had probably bought it for me on one of her outings. She bent down to untape my underwear, and I fluffed. She rolled her eyes and said something, but I didn’t catch it. When I had leaned my head back to avert my eyes, my focus caught on the bathtub. Something about it...

A horrible, twisting feeling began in my stomach, freezing my insides before I had time to think on why. Dread, numbing dread crept through me, settling around my wrists. The tingling almost me dizzy, if that’s the way to describe it. It’s hard...the sensation gripped me fast, and didn’t let me go. I didn’t even realize that I had become airborne, lifted up like a baby by Danielle. She didn’t do it easily, but she held me steady. I finally tore my gaze away from the water to look back at her. An apprehensive expression met mine.

“Hey, Hayden, are you alright? You’re shaking...it’s not that bad, I swear.”

I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t. She lowered me down gently, and I stopped breathing, the air caught in my throat. The water surrounded me, encompassed me, and suddenly, the feeling was gone. Completely gone, leaving me to wonder if it had ever been there at all. Then I heard Danielle’s voice, murmuring unintelligible comforts, and focused on that.

“Honestly, you’d think there was some truth in that whole ?hating bath’ crap you gave us every Wednesday, Hayd. I just thought you were being a prick.”

“Oh...well...I’m fine. I don’t know, rush of blood to the head, I guess.”

She didn’t say anything, just smiled and grabbed at a bar of soap across from me. She paused, and withdrew to pull her sleeves up. As I watched her, I noticed that her shirt had the words “The land promised in our younger days” written in small writing down the front. Trying to clear my head, I made a note to ask her about that.

The bath went as you can probably imagine it; nothing particularly exciting past the whole ?getting to it’ stage. Danielle took her time, keeping an eye on me as she ran a rather rough loofah over my fur and chest. It felt good, but I was still a bit shaken, and more then a little embarrassed to make anything but non-committal responses to her small talk. She washed me all over, (believe me), and let me soak for a moment while she stood and gazed at herself in the mirror. From my vantage point, I could see her bracelet again, dangling on her left hand. It was a simple black band that had a charm on it, like...well, if you crossed a fleur de lis with a heart. I snorted again, turning my attention back to the water. I could remember obscure French iconography, but...sigh.

After about half an hour, (I couldn’t tell) she drained the water out, letting it disappear with a few gurgling noises down the drain. A chill set in, but unlike before, this one was natural, expected. Before I said anything though, she had pulled a portable hair dryer out from under the sink and proceeded to dry me off thusly. The air was hot, even scalding at times, but I didn’t mind. It felt good. I sighed happily and leaned back, closing my eyes and enjoying the sensation. Oddly, I could hear Dani grin, if that makes sense, but she kept silent.

I hadn’t noticed before, but when she had finished and I opened my eyes, I saw that she had a full set of clothes waiting on the sink. She made sure I was completely dry, tail included, before she slipped a striped t-shirt over my head. I tried to fit my arms through, but they’d had enough for the day. Dani had to reach through the arm holes and pull each one through. I felt like I was three again, but didn’t mention it. Then came the diaper. She might have said something, but I didn’t catch it. I knew, with some inner resignation, that I’d have to get used to this sooner or later, and that by all indications, it was a temporary condition in light of my miracle, but still. You know what I’m talking about.

So I didn’t say anything as she slid the thing underneath me, connecting the tape at the back over my tail. Before she pulled up the front cover, she sprayed something over the area that smelled a lot like liquid baby powder. Huh. Then, with a few snaps of tape, she was finished. I looked expectantly for pants, but there were none forthcoming.

“If you really want them, I can get them, but to be honest, Hayd, they’re a hassle,” Dani said, reading my mind. “Now here, can you put your arm around me? I’m going to lift you out of there.”

“Wow,” I said admiring. “A boy could get used to this treatment. What are you, Wonder Woman?”

“Heh,” she grinned, lifting me up quickly, trying to keep her balance. “It does take a bit of strength to launch fellow cheerleaders into the air.” That’s a thought. I weighed as much as a cheerleader now. She huffed a stray bit of hair as it wandered into her eyes. “You always said it was a turn-on.”

I blushed, or fluffed, or whatever, as she carried me back to the wheel chair. Upon returning to my room, and after a mild incident getting from chair to bed, Dani left. She had some chores to take care of, she told me, and breakfast-lunch to cook. I glanced at a Michael Jordan clock hanging from the wall and realized that my ?morning’ was more like mid day. It was almost two. I let her go, feeling tired, and snuggled into my blankets, enjoying the warmth.

I guess a part of me was still nervous and scared, but otherwise, I was pretty accepting of my situation. I mean, sure, it was frustrating experience not being able to move as much as I wanted to, but I suppose the alternate was far worse. At least I could sit up (with difficulty) and look around. Gazing around my room, I felt secure, comforted in this strange, foreign land. We were well off, apparently, and judging by a few of the pictures hanging, I had more then a good share of friends. Animal people and humans stood side by side in them, grinning wide, happy, teenage smiles at the camera. A couple of them made me laugh...one looked like I had tried to handstand on some sort of steel barrel, and was in the process of falling on my face when the picture was taken. I sighed, wishing I could remember it.

My physician, Dr. Pierce, made an appearance later on that second day. He was a very tall human with a quirky expression, as if speaking tickled him in some way. My mother had apparently been meeting with him over coffee before they both made an appearance around five o’clock. . After a rather quick examination, he left the room to talk with Mary for quite a while, which to be honest was fine by me. I had dreaded his arrival when Dani had reminded me of it, but really, all he did was look me over, comment about my eyes, and that was about it. He listened to my heart, felt around my ears, and checked my teeth. I tried asking him questions, but he seemed oblivious to my queries, making verbal notes aloud to himself. He talked rather fast, lumping together several words that I couldn’t, on a good day, have been able to pronounce. If you care to imagine it this way, think about this...Dr. Pierce talked the way most doctors wrote. When he had ushered Dani and my mom out of the room to converse, I tried to make the most of my form and strained my rather large ears to hear. I could make out Dr. Pierce’s smug voice saying something to the effect of ?told you so...all in...head...” and “post-traumatic stress”. There was also something in there about “good riddance...”

“There is one thing, Mrs. Welk, that I feel I should mention,” Dr. Pierce said, walking down the hall. “Whatever is going on in Hayden’s mind right now is temporary at best. The amnesia is simply a coping measure to deal with the extremities of his situation. Now that it has apparently been removed, it’s only a matter of time when the need for such a defense is non-existent.”

Danielle winced, and it did not go unnoticed by the doctor. “It’s not real, Ms. Trent. That’s not Hayden. Whatever you thought about doing before the accident, you should probably act upon it. Your debts are paid, non-existent things that they were in the first place.”

“I know...”

“Doctor, what about me? I mean, I can understand the memory lapse, but he looked at me like I was a monster! Species-dysphoria as a coping mechanism? Surely something else is going on?”

The doctor shot a pointed glance at Mary, who frowned and looked away. “I wouldn’t worry about it, Mrs. Welk. Focus on your career, it’s what you know. This is uncharted territory for the both of you, and frankly, your agitation might make it worse.”

“You mean, keep him this way longer?” Danielle asked, before she could stop herself.

“Snap him out of it faster,” the doctor said, shaking his head and glancing at his watch. “Let nature run it’s course. We can all pray that young ?master Welk’ will take something from this ordeal...

Once their voices faded out, I struggled to stay awake, to process what I had just heard. True, I hadn’t caught anything past ?good riddance,’ but still. There were a few questions stirring in my head, but the prospect of asking them turned my insides. No...I resigned myself, I’d wait. Wait and hope that that stray thought was wrong. Sleep claimed me quite suddenly, and with no prior warning, I was an easy victim.

Amazingly, the next few days fairly flew by. There was a definite pattern to them, a simple one, involving waking, eating, sleeping, and waking again. By the fourth day, I felt like I could make it through the day without passing out midway through. The strength in my arms grew each day, until I could feed myself relatively easily. I still couldn’t walk, though, and Dani had to change my...well, underwear several more times. The experience didn’t get any less embarrassing, but at least now I could find my tongue long enough to at least converse through it. Well, mostly. I got to experience the ?joys’ of a...well...let’s just say that following that, I swore off food for life. That didn’t last very long, of course...but still. Danielle hadn’t said anything through out the...procedure, but I was starting to worry. Since the second day, and my bath, she had, well, closed herself off to me. I mean, well, it’s hard to explain, but I guess I could notice the little details. Her smiles seemed forced, her laughter holding a hollow ring to it. I saw her less and less, relying more on the TV in my room to keep me informed. For a while, that kept me occupied...watching CNN was like God had came down from the sky and said, “HERE, HAVE SOME HISTORY.” I remembered nothing of it. So each day was more or less a catch up session with my new friend the Mr. Cable. I kept trying to work up the courage to ask Dani if there was anything the matter, but I never quite got the chance. She’d come, check my diaper, make some food, and leave. The small talk trickled away bit by bit, until the sixth day, when we were left with nothing but silence. Today. I’d have to ask her today.

My mom was rarely about...despite the miracle that had befallen her son, her job, as a rule, had to come first. I don’t think she knew quite what to do with me, to be honest. After the shock of seeing me the way I was had worn off, it was nothing but those pesky uncomfortable silences when she tried to talk to me. She seemed nervous, scared around me, like I was a vicious dog snapping at her from a tight leash. Weird...but I was even more nervous to ask her anything about it. One thing at a time, I guess, and I didn’t see her as often as I saw Dani. But there was something else that I didn’t want to admit to myself at first. It was a little unnerving talking to an animal person. But that’s what I was, right? Try as I might though, I couldn’t shake the feeling, and without a mirror to constantly remind me, I felt more...normal around Dani. I didn’t have time to dwell on it, though...Mary’s job kept her busy, and barring the occasion check up to see how I was doing, like I said, I didn’t see her too often.

It was all good, though, because it gave me a chance to muster up my courage and figure out what was going on with Danielle. After mulling a few things over in my head, and really paying attention to it, I started getting a hunch what it could be. I didn’t like the explanation that I came up with. Though I had a million and one questions about myself, important questions, I decided to try a different tactic. She entered the room at about four o’clock on Tuesday, prepared to ask me what I cared for lunch. When I saw her enter, I gave her my best smile, and asked for the Trent family potato recipe. She grinned, a ghost of a smile, but didn’t say anything, her eyes shadowed. She nodded and turned, ready to leave, when I called out,

“Canto...San tuss? What is that?” I asked, sipping at a cup of tea she had brought in earlier. I didn’t trust myself holding it, so I employed a rather long straw. She whirled as if pricked and gave me that funny look that I was so used to. She glanced down, as if noticing her clothing for the first time.

“This?” she said, gesturing at it. I was surprised I had caught and remembered it; she was wearing a zipper sweater that covered most of the letters. Still, it had been what she was wearing when I had awoken to this, so it had stuck. “It’s...well...um...you don’t care, don’t worry about it,” she said with a nervous grin. I frowned.

“No, I’m serious. You were wearing that shirt when all this started, and I’m darn curious. Is it really something that bad?”

“It means...it means ?Peaceful Song’. Kan-toe saun-toos. It’s the name of the girl’s choir I sing for.”

That set me back. “A choir,” I asked, impressed. “Wow...you must have a talent.”

“Yeah, well...”

“I’d really love to hear you sing, some day. When does the choir meet? Is there a performance coming up?”

She stared at me as if I had just grown a...wait...I did have a tail... “Hayd, you don’t have to say things like that. It’s not a big deal...I just do it for fun during the summer.”

“Okay, that’s it, I want to know,” I said quietly, firmly. She put her hand on the door knob, but didn’t turn away from me. “Danielle, every time I say ?please’ or ?thank you’, or anything else remotely polite, or nice to you, you look at me like I just cussed in church.” I watched her eyes fall to the ground, and thought I had the answer I had settled upon in my head. “I really do want to know about your choir. About you. Anything you care to tell me. I mean, look at all you do for me. We’re supposed to be...lov...friends, right? I care...that’s just who I am.”

She looked up at that, but I continued.

“I don’t have any memories of before, Dani. Nothing. How we met, why we started dating, what your parents are like...nothing. I don’t even know my own birthday, y’know? But the thing is, I’d like to know. Don’t close me out...because...well...because of what I might have been like before. I...” this was the hard part, the part that I had spent most of last night convincing myself couldn’t be the reason for the cold shoulder. I had studied the pictures hard, at least the ones I could see from my bed. From them, taken at parties, or baseball games, or at the beach, I was starting to get a picture of the man I once was. Though I was the centerpiece, always enjoying myself, Dani was in several of them, muted, in the background. “I didn’t treat you very well...before, did I?”

She didn’t say anything for a long moment, staring into my eyes, unfaltering. Finally, she took a deep breath, and sighed it out. “Hayden...you...well...you were a typical guy, alright? Too much swagger, underage drinking, all the usual male-centric traits. I could never fault you for that, heck, it was one of the reasons I was so attracted to you in the first place. You know, when you’re young, you’re after a certain...” she caught herself, blushing, but she went on. I was glad she did. I needed to hear what had been pressing against her internal dam these last four days. “After the champ...er...after the accident, though...you got...worse.” She paused, as if not knowing what else to say.

“Verbally abusive?”

“Well, it was understandable, considering your condition...”

I stopped her. “It’s no excuse. How bad was it?”

She hesitated, looking cornered. Finally, she said, “Pretty bad, Hayd. You...just lashed out at everything. Your mom, your friends...me...” she said as an afterthought. “So full of anger...”

I sighed. I had been right. Well, mostly. To be honest, I didn’t think it would have been quite that bad. Things were tugging my mind left and right...for some reason I had the image of the stereotypical teenage athlete in my head, and I was disgusted. That couldn’t be me, right? But apparently, it had been.

“I’m sorry, Dani.”

“What?”

I held up my hands. I could feel my ears drooping, an odd sensation. “I can only imagine what going through that felt like...I don’t have any memories of the experience. But...I do want to say, right now...I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I treated you badly. I barely know you, but I can tell that you’ve done so much for me. I guess, I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for everything. For the last few days, and for everything else you’ve done that I can’t remember. I’m sure it’s been quite a bit. However I’ve treated you in the past, I’m sure as hell you didn’t deserve it.” I turned away, embarrassed at my little outburst. I had meant it, though. I almost felt embarrassed for myself, treating such a fine person like a jerk.

“You’re...you’re very different now, Hayden. It’s only been a few days, but since this...memory thing happened, you’re a completely different person,” she said softly, coming to stand by me. Looking a moment of askance, she sat down near my knees. “I mean, it’s weird...it’s almost like it’s not just amnesia...like the Hayden I knew is gone and you’re what’s...” She shook herself. “Every time you look at me, I can feel your...well...your gentleness. You never had that before. I guess it’s really cruel of me to say, but...I like you this way.” She bit her lip. “The reason I’ve been so distant...I guess...is because I didn’t want it to end. I’m sorry...but...” she stopped. She wasn’t crying, but she looked close to it. If I could have, I would have wrapped my arm around her and held her close. I couldn’t though, and I’d never felt this helpless in my life. I knew that instinctively. I just knew it.

Silence passed between us, our pretty speeches and confessions giving way to nothing. Crickets chirped loudly outside, saying ?FINALLY’ in their own way. Dani kept her hands in her lap, glancing at them from time to time. Anything to avoid my eyes. I did the same, making a detailed account of the number of cracks in the ceiling. Finally, I asked, “Sooo...I’m a jerk, I got that. Do you want to watch a movie?”

She looked up, surprised. “What, now?”

“Yeah, now. I have a tv right there,” I motioned towards the foot of my bed. “My mom seems well off; we live in a huge house, I mean, seriously, have you seen our kitchen? And hell, I even had a mustang, y’know? I’m sure we have more then a few DVDs lying around somewhere, right?”

“Right...” she was giving me that ?oh boy, he’s snapped’ look, but I deflected it with a shy grin.

“Well, go get one you like, and we’ll watch it together.” I strained, putting everything I had into this one gesture. I sat up, about half way, and reached out my hand to brush hers. She stood up suddenly, holding that spot on her hand as if I’d burned her. “I’d really like it if you laid up here with me. This bed seems big enough for three.”

“Hayden...I...” She didn’t say anything for a long moment, then leaned forward suddenly and embraced me tightly. She kissed me on the top of the muzzle, smiling, and left quickly. I smiled, dazed and happy. There. It was done. That part of the puzzle was complete, and I swore inwardly that I’d be a different person. It didn’t matter if I had no memory of it. That didn’t make me any less guilty, right?

She returned a short time later, a few DVDs in hand. At first, we were still a little shy around each other, in light of what had happened, but it cleared up very quickly. While she was setting the DVD player, we talked at length about Canto Santus, and the Christmas performance they were giving at the park next week. I learned it was an all girl’s choir, though it did merge with a men’s choir for certain concerts throughout the year. I found out that her teacher used to be in a famous acapella band, and that he was ?secretly’ dating one of the students. We shared a few laughs, and I don’t think I’d ever been so at peace. I had done something right, a voice inside told me.

The movie, “Save The Last Dance,” started before we could hedge onto the subject of her and I. It didn’t matter, though. The past was out of the way, I thought, and so I had all the time in the world to find out. She turned the lights out and after a moments hesitation, crawled into bed with me, trying to get comfortable. Despite what I had said, it was a bit of a tight fit, until she sat me up, and laid back, pulling me on top of her so that my head was resting on her chest. She assured me that she could still see, so I said nothing and got comfortable.

About a half an hour went by when she began to squirm beneath me, trying to stretch her legs out. I tried shifting around, but after a few trys, she paused the movie via remote and had to ease me off of her.

“Heh, you’re not as young as you used to be, Hayd. You’re heavier then you look. My legs are comatose.”

“Hmmph,” I snorted, feigning disdain. “better that I’m a grown man, instead of a little kid. I doubt I would have found this movie all that exciting, and probably would have chattered over all those mushy parts.”

“Now that’s a sight. You at six...I’ve seen pictures. You were cute. “

“I wish I could see myself that young,,” I said ruefully, referring to my absent memories of my childhood and what I might have looked like.

“Chubby,” she said with a laugh. “Better for you, though. If you were little, I’d probably use you for a pillow. All that fur...probably very comfortable.”

“Marketable?”

She giggled. “I’d love to see that. Can you imagine it? Vulpine children sold off as head rests? I could just see it now, you, at six, with a price tag and a bow on your head in Wal-Mart...”

“I bet I was quite the charmer, would have fetched a good price.”

“Your mom and I have actually talked at length about the subject,” Dani said, smiling a bit. “You were...well...you were the most glaring reason you are an only child.”

“Ouch.”

She laughed. “Oh yeah.” And saying that, Dani rolled over and put her arm around me, resting her head on my shoulder. Raising the remote, she resumed the movie. It was a decent movie, don’t get me wrong, and I made several mental notes regarding my tastes in music. Techno, good, ?gangsta’ rap, bad.

I sighed, content. For the first time in nearly a week, I felt...alright. There was no nagging feelings of uncertainty, no doubts. There was nothing to doubt. Nothing to doubt...this was the last thought on my mind as sleep, my ever present antagonist, suddenly claimed me for his own.

 

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