D.E.A.L.

Chapter 1
untitled

D.E.A.L.

By: Reva Ostrega

First Morning

“Ohhhh...”

I came to wakefulness slowly, murmuring a bit as I struggled to remain asleep. My inner clock wouldn’t be denied, however, and despite my best intentions, I could feel myself slowly opening my eyes to greet the day. I tried to lift my arms to rub the morning out of them, but as I did so, a painful tingle raced up from my wrists up to my shoulders. Mentally putting my money on having slept improperly, I let them drop and willed my eyes to open themselves, ready or not.

I opened my eyes to a panorama of gray and black. I blinked furiously, but this didn’t dispel the gloom. Surprised, but not really worried (I wasn’t exactly what you’d call a morning person) I struggled to sit up, or at least roll over.

It’s hard to put it in words, even now, but the nearest I can figure it, it was like being encased in molasses. Now, I’ve never been encased in molasses, and don’t expect that anyone has, but I’ve seen and tasted it before, and this was what I imagined being trapped in a jar of it would feel. Starting to panic a bit, I ignored the little jolts of pain and put more effort into getting up. After what felt like an eternity, I finally sat up, still blink-blinking my eyes in a daze. I shook my head, trying to clear it, but that only brought on a slight headache behind my eyes, and I quickly got the hint and stopped. One last blink for good measure, then I turned and looked out into my room.

I wasn’t in my room. I...looked from wall to wall, still viewing things in that gray hue, and I realized with a certain, serious dread that nothing looked familiar. There were gray pictures of indistinct sports heroes on the walls, gray trophies on the unfamiliar desk, and a window next to me streaming in gray light through curtains I felt certain that didn’t belong. I...wait...did it? That dull headache returned, but as I searched my mind for what my room was supposed to look like, I realized that there was nothing there. Nothing. No template for what ?normal’ should have been. Feeling a chill that had nothing to do with the temperature (it was actually quite warm in here) I was just about to get out of bed when all of a sudden, I felt the energy that fear had given me wash away, leaving me drained, exhausted, like I had just run a marathon, from start to finish, on my hands. Suddenly, it was a life and death struggle just to stay upright, and it was a battle I lost. As I fell back onto the bed, my arms spread out at my sides, my right hand landing on something furry, like a cat.

I didn’t own a cat.

I dug my fingers into the object, and twitched, feeling an odd sensation in a part of my body I couldn’t identify. I tried to turn my head to see, an odd sense of curiosity overwhelming everything else at the moment, but I couldn’t. It didn’t matter, my hand and the thing were under the covers, and with the way I felt now, I didn’t think I could lift them to see. Not giving up, I used the thing like a lifeline, my hand crawling along the length of it. I kept feeling the odd tingling, but I dismissed it. My hand followed the thing underneath me, and as I tried to worm my way towards it, my hand brushed my hip. Well, my hip and something that felt more then a little like plastic. I tried sitting up again, to no avail. Abandoning my quest for answers, I started panicking. Breathing hard, I strained furiously against the invisible threads that held me tight. A slight growl of frustration escaped my lips and that checked me. What the hell was that?

I was just about to try and make that noise again when the door across the room began to open. Out of reflex, I relaxed, letting my body sink back down on the bed. It wasn’t a long drop. Lying flat, I narrowed my eyes to slits, peeking out. Sure, I was scared and wanted answers, but for some reason, well, you know. You fear the unknown.

The door opened and shut, and a high voice entered. “Hey, handsome, I thought I heard you as I was walking by.” The voice unmistakable belonged to a girl, but with the gray curtain, I couldn’t make out her features. It had a slight accent buried in it, an English or Scottish one. I held still. “Is everything alright?”

She stepped closer. I thought I could make out short, bobby-cut hair, but I wasn’t about to open my eyes to make sure. The girl sighed deeply.

“I know you’re awake, I can see your ears twitching. If you’re going to keep up this silent treatment, that’s fine with me.” She turned as if go leave, and I held my breath, unsure what to do. And when did my ears twitch?

She stopped. “Well, like it or not, I’d at least better check and make sure you’re dry.” Huh? Without giving me a moment to try to comprehend what she was saying, she had turned and crossed the distance between the door and the bed. She stood very close to me. Leaning over, it sounded like she said something directly in my ear.

“And before you say anything snappy to me, we’ve been through this, ok? Even if you can’t feel it, a rash is a rash and it isn’t going to do any of us any good.” I felt her draw back the covers, and I tensed up. She tsked. “Just as I thought.” She bent over my waist, her hands moving towards my...“Let me get that off you-“

“Hey!” I shouted suddenly, sitting up in a rush. I don’t know where the energy came from, I guess the fear of being molested...? “Hands off!”

My eyes wide open, I saw the girl clearly, albeit greyly. She had very light skin, with pale hair that hung around her ears and over her left eye. She was wearing a simple black t-shirt with the words “CANTO SANCTUS’ written down the middle. She looked about eighteen or nineteen, but I couldn’t tell. I could tell that she had a very neat bracelet on, because she raised the hand to which it was fastened to her mouth in a look of stark horror.

“God...” she whispered, staring at me for a moment. I returned the stare, but felt my strength fading fast. I opened my mouth to say something when she turned and bolted from the room, yelling for someone called ?Mary’. Startled, scared, and more then a little freaked out, I tried using my last reserves to pull my legs out of bed. I felt my body shift a bit, and with a sickening lurch, I got my feet on the ground underneath me. The moment I tried to put any weight on them, however, they buckled, and I sank down to my knees, next to the bed. It was about that time the door crashed open again, and someone rushed up to me, kneeling beside me. I tried to flinch away, but all I succeeded in doing was start a head first dive to the carpet. Strong hands gripped my shoulders, though, and I didn’t fall. I slowly turned my head from the ground to look at who had saved me. And blinked.

It wasn’t a human. It was a...well...the best way to describe it was if you crossed an animal with a human, you’d get what I was looking at. She had a human body, human hands, but her head was that of an animals; a fox. I didn’t know how I knew she was female from my first glance, but somehow, I could tell. We stared at each other for a long moment, then glistening tears ran from her eyes, and she embraced me tightly. I squirmed and struggled against her, but it didn’t make any difference. I had nothing left in me.

“Hayden, oh, my baby, Hayden, you’re ok! You’re really ok,” she said, sobbing into my shoulder. I managed to bring up my hands between us and tried to push her away. As I did so, I noticed something. My hands were furry. My arms down to my fingers the same. I stopped, shocked, then looked up at the fox-woman.

“Who...what are you? Who...are...who am I? What is going on here!?”

She took my hands in hers and watched me, open-mouthed. “Wha...Hayden, I don’t...I don’t understand...how could you not know...”

“Hey, what’s wrong, Hayd?” The girl from before asked as she stepped slowly into the room, into my peripheral vision. “It’s a miracle, right?”

I tried to face her, all I could do was swivel my head. “Who are you? Please, someone...tell...me...” I sank against the woman, and her arms embraced me around the head, holding me tightly.

The girl was quiet for a moment, then put her hand on the woman’s shoulder. “Mary, here. Help me get back onto the bed.” I felt Mary’s hands relax a bit and another set grab me around the waist from behind. With some effort, I was stood up, and allowed to sit on the bed. I couldn’t hold myself up very well, and sagged against the wall. When I looked up, the girl was whispering something to the obviously distraught fox. She gave me a ?hold on’ gesture with one finger, then turned and led the taller woman out of the room. She looked up at me one more time, and then she closed the door behind them.

“What’s going on?” Mary wailed, gripping Danielle by the shoulders. “My baby...he doesn’t recognize me! What’s wrong with him, Dan?”

Danielle took a deep breath and tried to calm Mary down. She was a little taken back herself, but she knew that she had to get a handle on things. She shushed the older woman and pulled her close. “Look, I don’t know what happened, but I need to go back in there and make sure Hayden’s ok. He looked about as surprised as we feel right now. He doesn’t need to be freaked out any more then he is now. I’m going to go and talk to him; go call Dr. Pierce and tell him to hurry up and get down here. I think a miracle is as good an excuse as any for a house call.”

“But...”

Danny smiled, gently urging her down the hall. “He’s fine, Mary, just shook up. I’ll take care of him, you know that.”

Mary lingered for a moment longer, then turned and dashed down the hall, looking frantically for a phone that never was where it should be.

Danielle watched her go and faced the door. She took another deep breath of air, then pushed her way through it.

When they left, all I for company was the sound of my own ticking heart, beating a mile a

second. I managed to lift my arms up in front of my face, inspecting them closer. They were covered in soft, dark colored fur. My hands were the same; a darker color though, almost black. As I was digesting this, I became aware of something in my lower peripheral vision. I put my hands on it, and I realized I was touching my face. Or muzzle. Or whatever. I was an animal person too.

...

That wasn’t right! But...I...I couldn’t see why not. I tried to remember something, anything, about what I should look like, what my room should look like, why there shouldn’t be 5-foot tall fox people standing next to human girls, but there was nothing there. Just a disquieting sense of wrongness.

I was really close to shouting in pure frustration when the door opened once more, quietly this time, gently. I looked up, nervous, and tried to make myself as threatening as possible. I had in mind sitting up tall, glaring a bit, demanding answers, but my movement, however so slight, caused me to slide down the wall and end up laying on my side on the bed. I struggled for a moment, but I gave up, sighing. The girl didn’t say anything, just advanced into the room. She sat down on the bed, close to where my head lay, but she got her hands underneath my shoulders and hauled me straight, laying my head on her lap. I didn’t protest, surprised. I looked up at her. She didn’t look down at me for a while, and an odd moment of silence passed. Then she spoke.

“So...what’s up, Hayden?”

That name again...it wasn’t mine...was it?

“I...don’t remember...who are you? Where am I,” I asked weakly, failing to convey any anger in my words. She looked down.

“You really don’t remember? Seriously, no fooling?”

“I’m really scared. Please. What is going on?”

My words seemed to surprise her, and she took a deep breath. “Well, to sum it up, your name is Hayden Welk. You’re eighteen, senior at Canyon Oro high school.” She paused, thinking. “Star hitter on the baseball team, decent linebacker for the football team, all-around sports hero.” She grinned, looking up and away from me. “That was your mom, Mary. She’s usually not around...her job keeps her busy, whatever she does.”

I took that in. “I...don’t remember any of that at all.”

“Do you know the year? The date? What state and city we live in?”

“Nothing.”

“What’s two plus two?”

“Four.”

“Length in a mile?”

“5,000 ft or so...?”

“Capital of Nebraska?”

“I don’t think I ever knew that.”

She laughed, looking down again. She was very pretty, I saw. Her hair fell down over her eyes as she looked down at me, reminding me of...well...something. I stared hard, hoping this would jog something, anything! However, as I was struggling, something more important to ask presented itself.

“What’s wrong with me?! Why can’t I move right? I feel...I feel like my body weighs a thousand pounds.”

"You...well...that’s...” She paused. “Wow...I never thought I’d be saying this to you again...”

I started to ask her why this was the second time I’d heard it, but she cut me off with a few simply, horrifying words.

“You were in a car crash, Hayden. You...you collided with a drunk driver. It wrapped your mustang around a tree. You barely survived. The other guy did not. You’ve...well...you’ve been paralyzed from the neck down for the last six months.” She stopped, waiting for my reaction. I was shocked speechless. Paralyzed? No! That...that...

“Wait! From the neck down?” I groaned, trying to rise. Danielle put her hand on my chest and gently held me down.

“Don’t hurt yourself, Hayd, relax.”

“But...I sat up! I can move my arms...barely, but I move them! Doesn’t paralyzed from the neck down mean I can’t do anything?”

“That’s why we were so surprised, Hayden. It’s a miracle...up until today, all you’ve been about to do is move your eyes and barely talk to us. When I saw you sit up so suddenly, well, I was a little more then surprised, if you can understand.”

“I guess.” I tensed my body, mentally checking a few things. Sure enough, my toes twitched, but ever so slightly. Any more effort was painful. I relaxed, trying to let all this sink in. It made no sense. Something so traumatic...I should be able to remember something, right?

"Do you remember me, Hayd?”

Her words snapped me out of my reverie. I looked back up to her and slowly shook my head. “I’m sorry, I can’t. Please...who are you?”

“My name’s Danny. Danielle Trent. We...we’re friends. From school. I am...well, I was a cheerleader at our high school. Now that it’s the winter break, I come over and help your mom with you.”

That surprised me. “Why?”

She looked serious. “Hayden, are you sure this isn’t some prank? I mean, April Fool’s was months ago...”

“Yesterday I couldn’t have sat up, could I?” I said, trying to make a point. I wasn’t joking.

“I guess not.”

We sat in silence for a while, making small talk whenever the quiet got disturbing. Nothing big and important, just little things, like where we were, who I knew, and what awards I had won ?back in the good old days’. I found out that I was quite the athlete...I had probably another dozen or so trophies in addition to the ones I could see buried in the garage. I learned that we were homed in Juneau, a suburb in downtown Santa Monica, on the coast of California. Danielle said that she wasn’t terribly sure what my mother did for a living; the only answer she ever got was that she was a ?consultant’ for ?some firm’. It never really bothered her to inquire further.

The more we talked, the more relaxed I grew. Sure, a part of me was scared, terribly so, at the mental block that hung in my psyche. It was worse then having something at the tip of the tongue, this was having nothing to balance at the aforementioned tip. I tried to file these facts about my life under my own, personal file, but as she continued, it never felt like anything more then I was listening to the story of someone else’s life. I tried my best to shove the feeling aside, however. If I didn’t, I’d panic. Danielle had to stop her stories several times simply to tell me to breath deep. Apparently, I had begun to hyperventilate. Breath deep, and seek peace, she said.

I did my best.

Mary came in at about that time. The fox-woman was dressed in a light colored blouse that flared out at her elbows and a flowing dress that was held up by a large-buckled belt. She came in warily, eyeing me for a long while.

“Hayden?” She asked softly, from about halfway across the room.

“Mary, right?” I asked, looking over at her. I tried to sit up, and Danielle helped me this time, letting me lean against her. “Um...Sorry about earlier. I...”

Danielle leaned close to me and whispered in my ear. “She’s your mother,” she said quietly. I had started to come to my own conclusions about that, but I was still surprised. That made sense, I guess. She was a fox, so...I guess I was too? “Sorry...um...Mom.”

She smiled wide at that, tears coming quickly to her almond eyes. She reached up as if to brush her long hair aside, but instead wiped at her face. She opened her mouth to say something, but Danielle beat her to it.

“What did Dr. Pierce say?” she asked, shifting me off her shoulder for a moment.

She started, as if just noticing Danielle for the first time. “Oh! His secretary said he was out of town until tomorrow...she agreed that this was a pretty big thing, though, and assured me that he’d get the message as soon as he got in. I’m sure we can expect him tomorrow sometime.”

“Good, good.”

Yet another uncomfortable silence. I was getting used to them, but that fact didn’t make them any easier to get through. A cell phone brought an end to this most recent one. Mary clapped her hands over one of the pockets of her dress, and quickly brought the offending item out. She looked down at the caller’s number for a moment, then with a quick look up and a smile at me, stepped out of the room. Danielle got up as well. I watched her stand, but didn’t move, for fear of falling.

“I’ve got some things to take care of, but I’ll be back, ok? Please, don’t worry, Hayden. Your mom called the doctor that’s been handling your case. He’s kind of weird, but he’s an alright sort. We’ll figure out what’s going on, a ?right?”

I nodded. “Thanks a lot, Danielle. I’m still a little shaken up, but I suppose I can understand things a little better,” I said. “I appreciate you...ah...bringing me up to speed.”

She smiled, but I thought a ghost of a frown behind it. “Call me Dani, a ?right? You always did before.” She started to leave, then smacked her forehead. “Bloody brilliant, after all that, I almost forgot to change you.”

Huh? “Excuse me?”

She cleared her throat. “Well...Hayden...you’ve been paralyzed for six months.” She reddened a bit. “It’s kind of hard for someone who can’t walk to make it to the bathroom, and before, you said absolutely no to a catheter or colostomy bag. So...”

She didn’t say anything else, but she did flip my shirt up, bringing my attention down to my waist. I hadn’t realized in the midst of everything that I wasn’t wearing pants of any kind, and the shirt I had on was dark, probably black, unadorned. The dark color brought something into better focus, namely, the plastic diaper that encircled my midsection.

I tried to blush, but apparently, fox-people don’t do that. Instead, with a sensation like static electricity, I could feel the fur on my arms, face and chest stand on end, bristling. I brought my hands over it, trying to cover myself up.

Dani laughed a bit. “Oh, now you’re modest.” She put her hand on my shoulder, then turned, rummaging through one of the drawers near the bed. She pulled a few things out, but I didn’t want to look at them. “Nothing to worry about, handsome. You were sick, and you needed them. Now, you’re very wet, and if I don’t change you, you’ll have a rather nasty rash by nightfall. Now hush, nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“You’re not the one in the diaper, are you?”

She thought about that. “No, but I have been the one to change yours for the past few months.” The comment caused all my hair to stand up again, just as I had gotten it to lie flat. She giggled. “Easy. Just breath deep, seek peace.” She ran her fingers through my hair, mussing it. It felt good, and I could feel myself relax, though I was still terribly embarrassed.

She laid her hand gently on my chest and pushed, easing me to the bed. She pulled my feet up and moved the covers so that I was lying on the sheets. With her other hand, she lightly stroked the side of my face, a calm smile on her own. I did my best to smile back, but when I felt her at my waist, tearing the tapes off the diaper, I shut my eyes and said nothing.

My feeling in that area was still pretty shot. I could feel her fingers like spider webs move themselves along my body, but I could barely make out the sensation of her pulling the wet garment out from underneath me. I did feel her put the dry one beneath me, and felt the damp feeling of being wiped with a wet cloth. I know I was fluffing horribly, but a few thoughts were running through my head while she worked. She was used to this. She had no problem seeing me naked from the waist down, and she genuinely seemed like a very nice girl. But why would she do this for me? I kept my mouth shut, though. Finally, after forever, she was done.

She made a show of dusting her hands off, and kneeled by the bed, bring her face level to mine. “Wasn’t so bad, eh?”

“No...thank you, Dani.”

She started. “That’s new.”

“What?” I asked, puzzled by her expression.

“Nevermind,” she said, shaking her head. “Well, good. I’d have hoped for a pleasant experience for our ?first’ memory together.” She stood up. “I’ll be back in a little bit, Hayden. Sit tight and don’t worry. I’ll be here if you need me.” She started to go.

“Dani,” I called, causing her to pause. “We...we were...are more then friends, weren’t we?”

She turned. “I don’t wear your class ring around my neck for nothing, Hayd. Rest, you’ve had a busy morning. We’ll talk about it when I finish.” Saying that, she left.

Too...much...

Too much to digest. I turned a bit, trying to get comfortable, and let my weariness take me. I hoped, at least, that when I woke, things might be a bit clearer.

As if mocking me, my last vision before I succumbed to sleep was a blurry landscape of the world I had woken to.

 

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