Of Leopards and Their Spots

Chapter 4
Of Wet Pants and Worries

“Skye.” I whined helplessly, at my breaking point. My legs trembled and my bladder spasmed. “No. No. NOOOOOO.” I squeezed my crotch, thighs shaking with the herculean effort of pushing my urine back.

“Shh. Gavi-poo. It’s okay. There’s a potty nearby; I saw it when we first came in. Come on, baby.” Skye cooed encouragingly to me. She squeezed my fingers, tugging. “We can make it if we hurry.” We? Like I couldn’t go to the potty on my own. Toilet. Well, she knew where the potty-toilet was. She was just showing me the way.

My bladder spasmed painfully again. Did my underwear feel a little damp? No, no, I’m just freaking out . Who cares? I needed to PEE! I gasped, sucking in a deep breath and tensing my bladder and groin muscles. I can do this. Just hold it, Gavin. Almost there.

“H-Hurry!” I whispered urgently, squeezing Skye’s hand back. She took off with a small smile. I was so focused on holding back the impending yellow flood I couldn’t even be annoyed at her for being amused at my predicament.

I followed along behind as we hurried out of the Rainforest Room. We squinted at the bright, warm sunlight but still Skye hurried on, tugging on my hand as if trying to hurry me up. Each little tug on my arm was like a tug on my bladder. The muscle twitched, threatening to burst. Holding on by a thread.

Skye suddenly slammed to a halt; I stumbled into her with a surprised whimper. Did a little spurt just escape? No; if it had, the dam of trembling muscle would burst in a yellow waterfall. “WHAT?” I shrieked, voice shrill and cracking with my urgency.

“We took a wrong turn-” Skye began, so calm and collected, as if this wasn’t much of an emergency.

“NO!” I roared suddenly, not caring about any onlookers or what Skye thought. Potty filled my entire being; all that mattered was rushing to a toilet. I broke free from her grip with a sharp jerk of my arm, and took off running.

Artificial landscaping, animals, and people all whizzed by me in a blur as I made one last, desperate, mad dash to find a bathroom. None of them mattered right now but my overwhelming need to relieve myself. The pain in my bladder was nearly forgotten. I was beyond pain at the moment.

I couldn’t fail. I couldn’t fail. I couldn’t fail. I was a grown-ass man. Grown men didn’t piss themselves in public without good reason. I was a big boy. Big boys used the potty. “Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta, go,” became my own personal “I think I can I think I can I think I can.” Then “Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go,” turned into “Oh no oh no oh no!”

Just as I began to feel complete panic overwhelm me, my bladder ready to burst and my public humiliation all but assured, I felt this new sensation bubble up from inside me. I can’t say it bubbled up in my brain, or my heart; more like my soul. I was feeling this incredible, but subtle warm tingly feeling begin to blossom inside my soul.

It wasn’t overwhelming, either, to be clear. It’s not like I lost my mind or felt particularly compelled to feel this way. I’ve never done drugs or alcohol, but I’ve had pain killers from the trip to the emergency room the summer I broke my leg. I know what it’s like to feel foreign sensations and feelings whelm up inside of you and wash your rational mind away. This wasn’t like that.

It was more like an itch that you can’t quite reach. You don’t notice it at first, but as soon as you do, you pay attention. You can’t help but make your mind focus on this small, almost insignificant tingling sensation. Pretty soon, you just have to stop and scratch that itch or you are going to go crazy.

So I noticed this little itch; this little itch of warm and tingly happiness inside of myself, sticking out like a sore thumb in the midst of a sea of panic and anxiety, and I did the only thing I could think. I stopped.

The world stopped shaking as my feet stopped moving, the pounding in my head lessened as my sandals ceased pounding against the ground. I found myself taking a deep breath and the stitch in my side groaned in relief as I inhaled through my nostrils and exhaled through my mouth.

I closed my eyes, and felt a warm smile of contentment come to my lips. There was no reason to panic. All would be well. This was so zen.

My zen was suddenly and rudely interrupted by an ear splitting piercing scream that measured somewhere between dog whistle and nails on chalkboard on the uncomfortably annoying scale. My eyes shot open and my head whipped around towards the source of the sound.

A little boy, who couldn’t have been older than two was standing off in the distance; maybe fifty yards away. He was hunched over with his hands covering his crotch, his head turned skyward as tears slid from his eyes. It was a sound loud enough to spook the animals, it was so bad. Nearby, clydesdale horses and their foals scurried away to the far side of their holding pen, away from the little boy’s crying.

Even as far away as I was, I could tell what was wrong. The tell tale pose, the crying, the dark spot in the kid’s khaki’s and the puddle at his feet. Poor little guy had just peed his pants. Next to him, a dark haired woman, his mother no doubt, did her best to gently shush him and pat him on the shoulder. She was smiling, too, I saw. Was she enjoying this? Nah, couldn’t be. She was just smiling to try and make him calm down. It wasn’t working.

“That’s weird,” I whispered to myself, the warm tingling sensation having now abated. I squinted my eyes, examining the little boy’s mom. The lady didn’t have a diaper bag on her, or a backpack, or any sort of kid kit. The only thing she had was one of those gift bags that the park employees were handing out.

Kid didn’t look old enough to be out of diapers, yet. He should have at least been in Pull-Ups. If he was potty trained, it had to have been recently, a skill not yet completely mastered. A more experienced mother, I thought, would have come prepared. She should have made the kid wear a pull-up just in case, or something; at least have a spare change of clothes. And now the kid had had an accident and was freaking out in public, and all this woman did was try to impotently calm him with words when clearly some kind of action was in order.

Not that I thought about those kind of things mind you; babies and mommies. Not often, anyways. Maybe she was just the kid’s sitter, though then why didn’t the little tyke’s parents pack him something. The point was, anyways, that this lady should have been taking charge and dragging that kid to the nearest bathroom. Poor kid’s day was probably ruined. With wet pants and no change of clothes, best case scenario, he’d have a towel wrapped around his waist and then have to leave the zoo early and under the worst circumstances. The bathroom!

That’s when I realized that the worst case scenario for me had happened: I looked down at my jeans. To my horror they were soaking wet, my urine pooling in the crotch briefly and then running down my legs to the ground. You could see my pee’s journey from bladder to pants to ground like reading a map. Just trace the lines and follow the river from its source to destination.

I felt a hotness in my groin as more piss spurted into my already oversaturated jeans, before dripping down from my taint and freefalling through the air to the rapidly expanding puddle at my feet. Holy crap, not only had I peed my pants in public, but I was still peeing!

My breath became short, rapid, and shallow as I gazed down in horror at myself. My throat clenched up and my eyes widened. My tongue felt heavy, and my eyes felt blurry. Why the heck had I stopped! Zen? How stupid could I be? If I hadn’t stopped, I would have made it to the bathroom in time, and now I was looking and feeling just as stupefied and overwhelmed as that one little ki-

“There you are, Gavin!” Skye called out to me, interrupting my impending panic attack. She approached me from behind, sounding a little bit out of breath. “Why did you…?” she looked me in the eyes, seeing the obvious look of terror on my face. “...What’s wrong ba-” her eyes darted down towards my crotch. I wasn’t even aware enough to attempt to hide my humiliation with my bare hands.

“Oh...oooooooh!” Skye gasped a little bit in recognition in what I’d done to myself. I was ready to start bawling at that. I was even less of a man now in her eyes than the night I had emoted all over her about our relationship.

“Come on,” Skye calmly but firmly said to me, urgency in her tone as she took me by my forearm. “Let’s go, honey.” Then without another word, without even looking back at me, Skye started walking towards the bathroom. Numbly, stupidly, like a little child or a chimp, I followed her; her hand firmly latched onto my forearm.

She made a bee-line for the restrooms. I’d say “we” made a bee-line, but to be honest, I didn’t have much agency at the time. Skye was leading. I was just blindly following with my head on a swivel, my panicked eyes scanning the crowd for laughing onlookers, pointing at my shame. As Skye flung open the door to the restroom marked “Family”, I found none. Either no one noticed my accident, as unlikely as that was, no one cared, or they were all pointing and laughing at me behind my back.

I stumbled into the single toilet restroom, my legs feeling as unsteady as my bladder, as Skye turned around and locked the door.

“Skye,” I started to stutter out an embarrassed apology, “I...I...I’m sor-”

“Shhhh,” she put a finger to my lips, cutting me off. “Not right now, baby. Just move with me,” she grabbed a hold of me by the shoulders and positioned me backwards. I moved with her, searching her cool blue eyes for some sign of disgust or mockery. I found none.

“Just hold still,” Skye whispered before she bent down and unbuttoned my pants and yanking down the zipper in one fluid motion. I stood there paralyzed as she grunted and shimmied my pants and soaking boxers down my legs.

“Shouldn’t have let you wear jeans today,” Skye muttered to herself, her voice echoing off of the tiled walls. “Now sit back, baby,” she spoke up, gently pushing me back onto the waiting toilet.

My butt cheeks touched the seat, and I instinctively readied a shiver that never came. The seat was still warm. Looked like we just got in here on the heels of someone else. Thank God for small mercies.

Skye continued to work quickly and efficiently while I sat there, numb to the world. She unbuckled my sandals and tossed them haphazardly across the room with an empty flop that bounced off the bathroom walls. As soon as my shoes were off, she Skye went back for my pants and underwear.

“Skye, what are you…?” I managed to spit out as she freed one of my legs from my pee soaked clothes.

“I’m...hrrrn,” she grunted, “helping. Now help me help you and wiggle your leg a little big sweetie. Help me slide it out. These things don’t slide off easy when they’re wet.” I felt my face flush from embarrassment, knowing that I had made my pants wet; but I obeyed and helped her get the pants the rest of the way off.

“There we go,” Skye smiled genuinely as the bottom half of my clothes came free with a wet plop. Then she just regarded me, looking me down from head to toe. She smiled again, almost stupidly. Was she... glowing? She was glowing. She was glowing like a girl in the middle of her first kiss. Why? Skye had seen me naked before, and under much less embarrassing circumstances.

The door to the bathroom jiggled as someone from the outside tried to open the door. The lock stopped them cold.

“Occupied!” Skye called out. “Be out in just a minute.”

“What do we do now?” I asked, dumbly.

“Do you have to go potty anymore?” she replied, almost ignoring my question.

“What?”

“Do you have anymore pee-pee in your bladder?”

“What?!”

“Before we do anything, Gavi, let’s take care of that.” I folded my arms in protest. I know I had literally just had an accident in my pants like a toddler, but I deserved more dignity than that. Skye must have seen the look in my face.

Still on her knees on the floor, she pleaded, “Pleeeeeease, Gavi-poo. Just try. For me?” I rolled my eyes a little bit and flexed my bladder. Much to my chagrin, a little bit more did tinkle out of me into the waiting toilet. Skye practically beamed, I’d never seen her look so relieved.

“Now what?” I asked. “Where do we go from here? I’m half naked, and my pants are on the floor, covered in...well..you know.”

“It’s okay, Gavin,” Skye placed her hand comfortingly on my knee. “You can say it. You had an accident. That’s okay. It happens to everyone every now and then.” On what planet?! Still, she was trying to give me comfort, and it would have been wrong of me to snap at her. Also, I was in no position to be snide.

“Okay,” I mumbled. “Ihadanaccident.”

“What was that?” she leaned in a little closer.

“I...had...anaccident” I slurred the last two words together.

“Alright,” Skye nodded in approval. “Now let’s talk about where we go from here.” Finally!

“Let’s go home,” I sighed in defeat.

“What? Gavi...no.” Skye whined a little bit. “Then our day will be ruined, honey.”

“What choice do we have?” I asked. “Only rational option is for me to put those pants back on, we do the walk of shame out of here, and then go back to your...our place.”

“Ewww…” Skye wrinkled her nose a little. “You’d want to put those nasty, icky old wet pants back on after all the trouble we just went through getting them off of you so you could sit on the potty?” More blood rushed to my face. Why did she keep referring to it as a potty? It was damn near infuriating. Damn near, but not quite. God it was a good thing she was hot, sometimes.

“And,” she added, “the movers are probably still unloading your stuff over at our place. Do you want to show up in front of a bunch of big, strong, tough, and rugged men wearing pee-pee pants?” I did not. I shook my head.

“But what else are we supposed to do?” I wondered out loud, praying for some kind of solution to this predicament.

“Well….” Skye licked her lips thoughtfully. She had come up with something. Worse, she had thought of something and liked the idea. There would be a fight, likely, in the works. But Skye was gonna do what Skye was gonna do.

“What?” I sighed, ready for anything. Skye didn’t say anything. She just reached into the her gift bag and pulled out an adult diaper. Only it wasn’t just an adult diaper. It was an adult baby diaper.

It was a Rearz Safari diaper, with a plastic backed design, big strong tapes and soft inner lining, along with cartoon zoo animals; lions, parrots, hippos, zebras, and giraffes all decorating the diaper’s cover. I’m not an adult baby...I just...I just know things.

Skye held up the safari diaper and didn’t say a word. She just pointed to it and let me connect the dots.

“No.” I said, plainly and with certainty. “No way.”

“Oh come on, Gavi-poo!” Skye caressed my face with her free hand. “It won’t be so bad. It’s dry right now, at least. And if you have another accident, there’s always mor-”

“I am not going out in a diaper,” I said emphatically. This is a line I would not cross. I wasn’t some overgrown baby.

“Honey, you don’t need to be embarrassed,” Skye reassured me in hushed tones. “Just calm down and think about it.” I calmed down. I thought about it.

“I got nothin’....so no.”

“Look,” Skye sighed. “They’re giving these things away as some kind of promotional gag gift, right?” she said. I nodded, mutely.

“And,” she continued, “we’ve already seen some zoo workers wearing diapers today already, haven’t we?” Once again, I nodded.

“But they didn’t pee their pants,” I whined.

“How are they gonna know that you peed your pants, Gavin?” Skye retorted. “They’re not. As far as anyone will know, you’re just getting in on the act. No one will look twice, I promise. Between all the babies and all of the other people sure to be getting in on the joke, you’ll be far from the only person in a diaper. So let me help you get dressed up in your little costume, and then we can go about enjoying the rest of our zoo day, as planned.”

“That...actually makes a lot of sense,” I admitted.

“Of course it does, Gavi,” Skye pinched my cheek again. “I thought of it.” She winked at me, conspiratorially.

I winked back as she reached into the gift bag and took out a large beach towel, decorated with more cartoon safari animals on it. She unfolded it and draped it on the ground. Invitingly, she patted on the towel, motioning me over “Now, come lay down, baby.”

I rose up from the toilet seat, not even bothering to flush as I obediently walked the few steps over to her and laid down as I was told. My hands twitched in my feelings of vulnerability. It took everything I had not to cover my crotch with them.

Skye, meanwhile, seemed oblivious to my bashfulness as she rooted around the gift bag and pulled out a packet of baby wipes. “Huh,” she said turning the pack over in her hands. “They thought of everything when they made this promotion, didn’t they Gavi-poo?” I chose not to respond as she opened the pack and turned to me.

“What are you doing?” I asked, looking up at her.

“Cleaning you up first, of course, silly,” Skye cooed at me. “Your legs and diaper area still smell like pee-pee. So I gotta clean you up,” she pronounced in a sing-song rhythm. “These will be a little cold, honey, so just be ready.”

Gently, she pulled the first wipe free. I shivered slightly as she caressed it up and down my right leg. Then she took another wipe and quickly bathed my left one. A third wipe came out and began to wipe my pubic area. Briefly, too briefly, she took my trembling manhood in her hand and gently wiped it down as tenderly as if she were caring for a real baby.

“Legs up,” she instructed, and my legs obeyed without me even really thinking about it. I shuddered again, as she brought a fourth wipe to mop up my balls and taint. I felt her use her forearm to shield herself and prop my legs in an upright position as she got closer to wipe my backside. A final wipe probed the folds of my behind, just in case

Expertly, with one hand, she grabbed the safari diaper and flapped it open. Then, with almost practiced efficiency she pushed my legs back farther, almost into my chest, forcing the bulk of my weight onto the back of my shoulders and sending my ass up into the air.

I didn’t feel as much as sense it as she slid the infantile adult undergarment under me, but I definitely felt the soft cushioning and heard the loud crinkle of the diaper as she backed up and my rump lowered onto the plastic backed padding.

The door jiggled again, more impatiently this time. Someone wanted in, badly.

“We’ll be out in a minute,” Skye called out at the rattling door. “Just be patient, please.” She turned her gaze back to me. “Almost done, Gavi-kins,” she reassured me. “Now just spread your legs a little.”

I spread my legs and Skye reached down for the front of the diaper and pulled it up snugly between my legs. Then, one by one, she secured the four tapes to the landing strip, securing me in my new plastic underwear.

She got up, while signaling for me to stay where I was. She threw the baby wipes she’d used onto the pile of my piss soaked pants and underwear, and balled the whole thing up before tossing it into the garbage. Then she gathered up my sandals and sashayed over to me.

“Figured it’d be easier this way,” she said to me as she slid my sandals back on my feet and buckled them for me.. I frowned a little bit. Yeah, I knew it was easier to get a diaper on with help- if you tried to do it yourself you could get leaks. Not that I was going to have another accident...but if you’re going to do something you should do it right. My point being, I could have put my shoes back on by myself.

Kindly and confidently, she stood back up and held out her hand. I took it and let her help me up. Just the act of standing made the sound of the diaper crinkling thunder in my ears. Experimentally I took a step.

Left foot. Crinkle. Right foot. Crinkle. Shift weight. Crinkle Crinkle. There was absolutely no way to move about quietly in this thing!

“Come on, honey,” Skye nudged me. “We’ve got lots of things to do and see. Now let’s not let this ruin our day any more than it already has, okay?”

“Okay,” I agreed, taking a deep breath.

Skye turned the lock on the bathroom door and opened it out into the world. I squinted as fresh sunlight poured in, blinding me. I stood there, blinking, expecting the blurs to metamorph into throngs of mocking people, all pointing and laughing; knowing what I had done in my pants. Nothing. Just an animal park with people coming and going. No one looked twice at me, just like Skye promised. Well, almost no one.

Right outside the family bathroom was the little boy who’d wet his pants just before I had. His mother, or the woman who had been comforting him. The boy’s snotty nose and tear streaked red face showed that while he was no longer crying, this was a very recent development.

The little guy’s mother, was now holding a diaper and baby wipes in her crossed arms, politely but impatiently. I couldn’t help myself, and caught a glimpse of the diaper. That was odd. It was plastic back, and had decorations that clearly matched the ones on the diaper I was wearing; I refused to think of it as my diaper.

The thing is, I could tell, this was a regular sized toddler diaper. It looked exactly to me like what I was wearing, but was sized to fit the kid in the squishy trousers pouting in front of me.

Maybe I wasn’t wearing a Rearz, but some kind of off-brand that the zoo had manufactured for today. Weird promotion, but it appeared to be coming in handy for at least two customers this morning.

The boy regarded me. He glanced at me, then my diaper, and then at the diaper his mother was holding; and his lip began to tremble.

“Wait…” he squeaked, as Skye and I scooted past, letting the real family have the room, “I’m not a…”

“Oh it’s fine, Roger,” I heard his mother say. “Look at it this way,” she explained calmly, “at least you won’t be the only…” her voice trailed off, but I didn’t really need to hear the rest of the sentence. I bit my tongue, trying to tease away some of the agony I felt at being this little kid’s potty training lesson or whatever.

“Hey,” Skye got my attention away from my own inner thoughts, yet again. “Don’t worry about it. You just did a good deed.”

“How?” I asked, flabbergasted at Skye’s declaration.

“That little boy won’t be so embarrassed by his accident, now that he knows a big boy like you had an accident, too.”

I smiled a little at that for some reason. Even though I was walking around in public in a diaper, it felt good to me right then that Skye still thought of me as a big boy.