The Bagman

Chapter 4
Secret Ingredients

Chapter Description: In which the Bagman meets with a demon some of you might remember.

The Bagman Chapter 4- Secret Ingredients.

He was home again, back in his oddly pristine house. It wasn’t clean because he was a clean person himself; far from it. It was a safety thing. Messes left evidence. Evidence could get you caught. The things he messed around with needed cleaning up too. One sooty footprint, or spilled reagent might set up a chain of events that could not be undone once started.

As for why he himself was so often such a mess, that was harder to say: Maybe it was a small form of penance. Maybe it was because on some mystical level the contradiction of a filthy man living in a clean house had some sort of power. Maybe he just didn’t give a damn about himself anymore. No one, save the Bagman himself, knew.

He went to the basement. Down the creaky rotting staircase and the stairwell that smelled of rotten eggs. His feet crunched on whatever was left on the floor and tiny feet scittered away into the darkest corners of the poorly lit room. He hated the basement. But sometimes he had to go to it to collect supplies or ask for favors.

He reached into his pocket and took out a red piece of chalk, chalk soaked in virgin blood. On the nearest wall, he drew a large rectangle, big enough to walk through. Then he drew a drew a circle to make a door knob. He pocketed the chalk, and took out a small razor. He took his glove off his left hand cut the palm of hand. He reached a bloody hand out to the drawn on door knob.

“In nomine Primum Ceciderunt, et Filius Hominis, et Venturus Tantibus,” he bellowed, “Aprire hoc ostium!” He grabbed the chalk outline of the door and flung it open. What lay behind the door was not quite what he had expected.

Normally when you opened a door to hell, there was a wave of heat and a burst of flame before being greeted with an illusion of a swank boardroom, fancy office, or ritzy party. Instead, cool hair rushed into the basement, the sweet scent of baby powder filled his nostrils. The Bagman could see pinkish red indoor/outdoor carpeting and could see a crib in the far corner of the room, as well a changing table, baby swing, and a toy box. It looked like a nursery. Instead of the usual demon in the green three piece suit, a woman was waiting for him.

She was beautiful, though not sexy: Kind of like how you could look at a statue and think “Hey that’s a beautiful statue”, but you wouldn’t take that statue home to bed. Her hair was blonde- the kind of blonde you can only get out of a bottle- and it was pulled back in a tight ponytail. What was more odd, was that she was wearing scrubs with pictures of a safety pins and rattles on them, like she was a baby’s nurse or a daycare worker of some sort.

The Bagman heard the sound of a baby crying in the background as she crossed the threshold into his basement. Her eyes glowed red for a second before returning back to normal. “Bagman,” she said in greeting.

“Where’s Levi?”, he asked the demon, all business. Best to not show surprise or fear in front of these types.

“Levi’s busy putting the finishing touches on a project that has nothing to do with you,” the demon in the nursery scrubs answered flatly. “I’m here now, sweetie, you deal with me.” The Bagman nodded as he reached into his bag and started to bandage his hand up to stop the bleeding.

“You got what I need?” he rasped in his gravely voice, not taking his eyes off her for a second. The demon reached behind her back and produced a vial of clear liquid. She held it out to him.

“The tears of an innocent in Hell.” she proclaimed, showing him the vial. “There’s a lot of power in that contradiction. Do you have the payment?” The Bagman flipped open a pouch on the side and produced a vial of his own. It was milky white, and cold somehow.

“Chilled priest sperm,” he told her holding out the vial. “This do anything for ya?” The demon in the nursery scrubs licked her lips like she was hungry. She reached for the vial, but the Bagman yanked it away. “Mine first,” he told her.

She handed him her vial, and he hers. He slipped the vial of tears into his satchel, while she hid the vial of priest semen behind her back where it vanished for later use. “So,” the Bagman asked, his voice grating off the walls, “you my new supplier?”

“I can be, if that’s what you want, sweetie.” the blonde demon lady answered. “I certainly have enough supply.”

“How do innocents end up in Hell, anyways?” the Bagman wondered aloud.

“It’s tricky and a long story, but they have to be REALLY stupid.” she answered. The sound of the baby’s crying in the background grew louder. “Can I get you anything else, honey?” she asked politely, if condescendingly.

“A name,” he said flatly. “I need the name of my target.” The demon’s laughter bubbled to the surface as though he had just told an amusing- though not funny- joke.

“Awwww, poor baby!” she mocked. “You’re planning on casting a spell of THAT level and you don’t even know who you need to cast it on. That’s soooo sad!” the demon woman put on a pouty face. “Tell-ya-what. I’ll give you the name, so you can find him, IF you give him to me when you’re done.”

The Bagman rolled the offer around in his head for a minute. “No dice. I haven’t decided what I’m gonna do to him yet. I like keeping my options open. What else you got?”

“For a name?” she asked. “That’s it. But I’ll make you a side deal. Levi and I have a bet going on. If you somehow manage to kill an unbaptized adult who was born on February 29th, I’ll give you a year’s supply of innocent’s tears.”

“What’s the bet?” the Bagman asked as he wiped a piece of his stringy hair out of his eyes.

“To see where he goes when he dies.” she smiled coyly, clearly not going to speak anymore on the subject.

“You got yourself a deal, angel eyes.” he agreed. He eyes flashed red and she was in his face a split second later.

“Do NOT call me that!” her voice echoed unnaturally. He could feel the blistering heat coming up off of her. He didn’t blink. He didn’t smile either. Best not to show any emotion.

A demon who would let something as simple as that get under their skin was likely inexperienced. The Bagman was pretty sure he could take a new demon, but he had work to do and if she was Levi’s replacement for his business, it wouldn’t do to make an enemy of her, but it also wouldn’t do to let her think he could be pushed around so easily. Neutrality was best in this situation.

She turned around in a huff to walk back into whatever portion of Hell she came out of. “Hey,” he called after her. “Then what DO I call you?” She looked back over her shoulder, a wry smile on her lips.

“My name’s Lucy….now.” she told him.

The Bagman nodded, “Alright. Nice to meet you Nurse Lu-”

“Please,” Lucy interrupted, “all my little friends call me ‘Mama’.” She walked back into her nursery and the door slammed behind her, leaving only a wall in a dirty, disgusting basement.