Super Mario Bros. - The Old Story

Chapter 2
Super Mario Bros. - The Old Story: The Next Epasode

Chapter Description: A Novel

TRANSMISSION (1989)

Lets go! said Mario. But Luigi was still a baby. But after he said that Luigi broke the dipers and went into Super Luigi. And Mario was still small so Luigi piked up the dipers and put them back on Mario. No underware! he said. But dipers don’t fit him. Sorry! But you have to stay with your tinker! No! said Mario. I will be embarrassed! Well you have to! said Luigi. Stop!!!!! Stop! Now I am embarrassed! said Mario. Shoot! Now what will I do? I know! This is the secret: We are going to see Luigi’s tinker and put stuff on me! Sorry Luigi! But I will see your tinker! No way! It was something for you Mario! Doof! So fast he did it! Shoot! said Luigi. My life is ruined! But he was glad. Thee was no one in the Mushroom Kingdom. Darn! said Mario. Now no one will be embarrassed. Now they are bros. and friends. They put ther pants back on and left. Now the Mushroom Kingdom is saved.

THE END

TRANSLATION (2012)

1. Well, if it’s as easy as “breaking” your diapers and becoming Super, what are all these mushrooms doing hiding in blocks?

2. OK, I have to explain this. “Tinker” was my childhood euphemism for cock. Which, to think about it, makes the rest of this story a lot more disturbing than it seems on the surface.

3. At age five, I couldn’t spell “diaper,” “picked,” or “underwear.” But I could spell “embarrassed.” Whatever.

4. The latter half of this story is obviously my first foray into humiliation. Too bad the Mushroom Kingdom was empty at the time. Everybody’d gone off karting, I guess.

5. At last, with the underware-diper-tinker dispute resolved, the Mushroom Kingdom is saved.