Happy Christmas My Love

Chapter 1
Christmas Eve

She hesitates to open the car door, preferring to remain comfortable in the leather seat with the heater delivering a continuous flow of warm air against her face. It’s not that she doesn’t want to go inside the house. It’s where she’s been wishing she was ever since she began her twelve hour shift this morning when it was just as dark as it is now. It’s where her open fireplace is probably lit by now, where her Christmas tree lights are illuminating the living room, and most likely where Gavin is cooking dinner in the kitchen. Waiting for her.

It’s everything a woman could want to return home to after work. She just wishes she could click her fingers to get herself from the car to the house in an instant, without having to face the walk up the drive, through the blizzard, just to get to the front door. Lazy, maybe. But after the day Sophie has had, she allows herself the selfish thought that maybe she can be lazy. Just for tonight.

For Christmas. Please.

Best to get it over with. Like ripping off a plaster. Quick and painless; at least that’s what you tell people. Usually children. Sometimes it ends up stinging as badly as removing it slowly. The point is just to stop dilly-dallying and get it done. Like she tells her residents at the care home every morning when they’re reluctant to get in the bath. The sooner they get it over with the sooner they can go see their friends in the recreation room. Often that isn’t enough and they wish to remain curled up in bed with the temptation of company not enough to lure them out.

Sophie doesn’t blame them. If people knew how she often desired such a thing, more than, they would probably laugh. It’s not just being able to stay curled up in bed she desires. It’s having to wake up without a care in the world. It’s being able to get away with wearing fluffy pajamas with characters from her childhood printed on the front. It’s lying in bed snuggled up with the cuddliest blanket and having someone else lift her up without having to get up herself. Someone else feeding her. Someone else carrying her. Someone...bigger. Bigger so she can be small.

Little.

But let’s not get lost in contemplation yet. Sophie takes a breath and pulls her scarf up over her mouth before she opens the door. The ice cold wind and falling flakes hit her hard. She battles against it, crunching her boots in the snow, in order to reach her front door. She fumbles for her keys with her mitten hands and push the door open, getting herself in and closing it quick to not let the draft out. She nags at Gavin enough for such a thing.

Speaking of which, the man himself pops his head around the door before Sophie has finished taking off her coat. He gives her a smile that makes her want to melt more so than the central heating.

"Free at last!" He congratulates.

She laughs back; "For three days, at least."

"You earned it. Kick your boots off, dinner’s almost ready. Got something extra special tonight." He winks at her before disappearing back behind the kitchen door.

Sophie raises an eyebrow at his vanished spot. Something special? She hadn’t asked for anything that exciting for Christmas. Boring stuff; a new coat, perfume, fluffy slippers. Gavin wasn’t the spontaneous type. He was creative when it came to dinner but his romantic gestures were rather cliche - though no less appreciated. Few other girls at work had flowers delivered to them while on shift on their birthday. Or sometimes if Sophie was just feeling down. She was lucky to have a gentleman - her sister had told her so enough times.

A holiday then, maybe? She knows they can’t afford it. They’ve only just finished settling into the new house. A puppy would be lovely but, when all is said and done, who would be there to take it for walks and keep it company? Her tummy buzzes a bit with slight excitement for what it could be.

She walks too steps up the stairs before Gavin’s voice calls to stop her.

"You don’t need to worry about getting changed."

"I’m in my work uniform." She frowns, looking at herself. A typical care workers attire, similar to that of an old fashioned nurse with no scrubs.

"Trust me, it’s fine."

Sophie shrugs, wondering what the rush is. Will the food run away if she doesn’t join him at the table now? The thought makes her want to giggle. It makes her want to give into her child-like desires right there. To put away the adult and sit on her bottom. To wait for Gavin to arrive and pick her up to take her to the kitchen for num-nums.

He doesn’t know. Obviously. She thinks he’d run a mile if he had any idea. He’s the most accepting and caring and patient guy she’s ever met but he’s so...normal. Ordinary. Not boring, really. More like safe. It’s what Sophie loved about him. She always knew where she was with him. Just like he probably thought she was nothing more than a mature, rational care-worker. Even after a year of marriage it wasn’t enough for her to be completely honest with him.

"Darling, sometimes I wish I was a baby."

"Right. See ya later, toots."

The closest she’d come was when they were shopping in Asda last February. Sophie had lingered in the night-ware section and found herself gazing at a fluffy adult-sized onesie with cat ears. No tail thankfully. Gavin had found her, poking her in the sides and making her jump out of her day-dream where she’s dressed in the fluffy kitty pajamas and drinking a bottle of warm milk. She’d blushed but he’d only smiled. He said nothing.

Two weeks later on her birthday she had unwrapped the present to reveal the onesie she had been gawping at. The very same. However, as luck would have it, the weather turned too warm after that to really get much use out of it.

Maybe tonight...unless if Gavin is in the mood. An adult-sized cat onesie is hardly arousing, even for her. Sophie isn’t exactly in the mood, dead tired from her shift, but Gavin still had a way of wooing her. She can already smell the mulled wine from the kitchen. That’s sure to go to her head quickly. What the hell, it is Christmas after all.

She enters the kitchen, clicking her tongue at the sight before her. Tall red candles on the table between their two plates of dinner. She wishes she’d got changed. Her uniform is crumbled and stained with spills. Gavin looks immaculate in his shirt and chinos. He’s been home from work long enough to make himself extra handsome for her. She can’t complain because she knows if she does he’ll just say she could wear a bin bag and still be gorgeous.

Smooth git.

He kisses her sweetly on the cheek; "Happy Christmas, honey."

"Still four hours to go." She replies rather cheekily.

"We’ll be asleep by then though." Gavin replies and Sophie wants to sigh with relief that he doesn’t plan to keep her up all night; "Besides, you need a treat from how hard you’ve worked this year."

A treat? Sophie’s eyes widen. With how often Gavin had told her, with exasperation, throughout the past year that she was working too hard, you’d think a reward would be the last thing he’d be giving her for doing so regardless. They needed the money. And she loves her job, to a point. Perhaps because if she can’t be looked after herself she can do so to someone else and try to make it more enjoyable and less humiliating? It’s not the same, of course. Being an elderly person needing to be dependent on someone else and being a child wanting that care and affection.

She would work with the latter if she had the qualifications. But that’s stacked with a load of other potential plans for their future.

Gavin pulls out her chair and she sits before he takes his place opposite.

They dig in. And to start everything is as normal as ever. Gavin asks about her day, about how the residents were. Sophie fills him in as much as her confidentiality agreement allows. She tells him about Mrs. G refusing to take her pills and throwing the bottle at Sophie’s head. She tells him about Mr. H trying to pinch her bum again. Gavin chuckles about having competition and Sophie wants to chuck one of her sprouts at him.

Slowly they get through the wine. It’s delicious and Sophie regrets not being here to make it with Gavin. It makes her feel like there’s an invisible blanket around her. As if she were already wearing her fluffy kitty cat onesie.

Dessert is a chocolate torte. This one just for Sophie - Gavin isn’t a bit chocolate lover. He instead has a plate of cheese and crackers. Smelly cheese that makes Sophie wants to gag. ’The smellier the better’ he says and Sophie thinks she will never be able to understand the logic in that.

"Now this is lovely." She smiles, taking some of the torte onto her fork and putting it between her lips; "Wow."

Gavin smiles. His eyes seem to twinkle more than usual against the candle-light tonight.

The Christmas lights on the tree seem brighter as well.

And it’s then that the bombshell is dropped.

"Sweetheart. I need to tell you something." He says, slowly, after she’s had about three mouthfulls of chocolate.

Sophie pauses, swallowing. That is never the start of something good about to be said in relationship. Is he going to break up with her? On Christmas eve? The thought makes her want to suddenly cry.

But then Gavin smiles again; "Don’t worry. It’s nothing bad. You just...forgot to log out of your account on the laptop last night."

Sophie’s jaw drops a tad.

The laptop. The one laptop they share because Gavin’s crashed last month and they’re saving up for a new one. Even then though, Sophie had been careful. She was always careful. She password protected her account and often deleted her browsing history. How could she have slipped up? Had she been so over-stressed at work she hadn’t noticed?

"I...I..." Why is it so hard to think of what to say? To come up with an excuse?

She stares at the chocolate torte. There’s still so much left to finish. Gavin worked hard on it. She spears another piece and puts it into her mouth, keeping her head down, hiding behind the fringe that isn’t supposed to be there.

So how did it get there? And why is her sleeve dangling over her wrist? All important questions to ask so why is it all she wants is to eat more chocolate?

"I know I should have just logged off. I should never have invaded your privacy but...I was curious." He sighs; "Looking for something as a clue to what to get you for Christmas. Something different than what you asked for. I found it though. And I gotta say...I’m not as surprised as you probably thought I’d be."

She looks up at him shyly. He’s not surprised? Is that good or bad?

Gavin rests his elbows on the table; "You’ve always been so adorable. And you’ve worked so hard this year I’m surprised there’s any energy left in you. Not to worry. You’re going to have an early night tonight. And tomorrow we’re going to have the best time ever. You won’t have to worry about a thing."

What is Gavin talking about? What does he mean she’s ’adorable’? It’s not a word he’s used to describe her before.

"You...you’re getting taller..." She suddenly notices.

Then she looks down as she feels her feet turn cold. Her socks have fallen off and onto the floor. She gasps, how did they do that? Silly socks running away! Sophie giggles and clasps her palms against her mouth that is smeared with chocolate. There’s just a couple of pieces left.

She tries to lift up the fork but her fingers are so small and clumsy. They struggle just to get out of the large sleeve bunched up on her arm. Sophie huffs and drops it, instead using both hands to grab the torte and bring it to her mouth. She doesn’t care for the crumbs that fall onto her uniform or the food that covers 75% of her face.

It’s so yummy! It feels so naughty to eat it like this but so good too! And Gavin is across the table smiling at her so she can’t be in trouble.

"What a good girl, eating all your cake." He praises her, getting a napkin and coming around to wipe the worst of it off; "Let’s get you out of these clothes. Time for a bath, me thinks. Get you all clean and pretty-smelling before beddy-byes. I bet you’re a tired teddy!"

Sophie nods. She is very tired. Why is that again? She must have had such a busy day at school...Is she big enough to go to school? Or was it nursery? There were nappies involved at one point, she is sure of that. Is she a helper somewhere? Thinking about it all is giving her a headache. She wishes she had more of her cake to eat so it would make her feel better.

But Gavin gives her something better. He lifts her out of her boring, too-big clothes and into his arms. A cuddle! Much better than cake! He’s so tall and warm. She wraps her arms around his neck and kisses his cheek, sharing the chocolate on his skin.

He chuckles; "Thanks! C’mon, baby girl. Up we go. You know, all you had to do was tell me the truth long ago. Though, to be fair, I guess you wouldn’t have expected this either. I guess your head is too muddled right now to even remember having those big girl thoughts about being a little girl?"

"Am a bih gi’l!" She protests, waving her chubby naked arms in the air.

Gavin makes an ’O’ shape with his mouth; "Sorry! Of course, my mistake. My big caring wonderful Sophie. You’ve earned this special Christmas treat. I’m gonna make you feel like the precious little girl you’ve wished you could be. Hopefully you’ll have regained a little bit of your big thoughts tomorrow to appreciate it...and you won’t want to throttle me!"

The little girl in his arms grins in response, not quite understanding. But Gavin is talking so brightly and funny. She’s happy that she’s getting a special treat as well! Is it the cake or the cuddle? Or both? Or is there more? There has to be more, Santa hasn’t even bought the presents yet!

She points to the table as Gavin begins to carry her upstairs.

"Minth pies for Woo-dolph!" She wants to tell her tongue off for being so lazy.

Gavin gives her a squeeze; "Don’t worry, I won’t forget. And it’s carrots for Rudolph and mince pies for Santa. Let’s get you all clean and in your jammies first. Then we can worry about making sure the home is ready for the reindeer. Deal?"

Sophie nods her head rather clumsily. It feels so big all of a sudden.

"Okay Da...Daddy-...Gavin...?" She cringes, both names feeling right and yet so wrong.

If Gavin isn’t her daddy then where is he? It’s important that he’s here with her on Christmas. Sometimes the thought that Santa might think she’s naughty makes her nervous and she only feels safe if Daddy is here. The anxiety threatens to bring tears again.

She sticks out her bottom lip; "I want Daddy."

Gavin kisses her lips gently. A wave of sparkles and fuzzy cuddles surrounds Sophie as it had when she was devouring the chocolate torte just moments ago.

"Tell you what. I’ll be Daddy until you’re all grown up again. Sound good, baby girl?" He whispers, gazing at her with pure adoration.

Sophie smiles and melts. Yes. That sounds perfect.

 

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