Lickies

Chapter 2
The Neuronaut Journeys Again

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Chapter Description: Wherein we encounter the strangest reality possible: that all might indeed be exactly as it seems.

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The dreams were such a relief. Visiting ways of thinking long lost to time and adulthood, as his unbound subconscious brought up images and sounds with an innocent tone. His first thought, on waking to the enfolding soft mattress and sheets, was that it must have been an after-effect of the lickies. It left him refreshed, renewed, in a mindset that was back in the magic of childhood.

Then a nagging thought that something felt out of place came to the fore, and he opened his eyes.

The blue walls. The toys scattered on the carpet, the monster truck and its remote. Lachlan rubbed sleep from his eyes and in doing so, noticed his hands, his little fingers.

He bolted upright.

The covers, the PJs, his ten-year-old body making a small lump under the Star Trek blankets – all the same as last night! Of course. Part of him knew it had to be.

Lachlan cradled his forehead. The clock read 9:30a.m. and it was no trip, it never had been. The reality / not-reality seesaw stopped here, because there was no way the drug could have lasted this long.

Which left only one possibility. He really was, physically, ten years old. And Nadia had made him this way.

He climbed out of bed, and opened the door slightly to peak out. The corridor was empty, but where it branched off into the kitchen, he could hear voices. Stepping out, he closed the door stealthily and walked to Nadia’s room, taking light steps. At least with his new size, it was easier not to make noise.

Nadia wasn’t in her room, so he slipped in. Maybe she’d left an antidote lying around... he could surprise her by walking into the kitchen full-grown...

Lachlan stretched as he scoured the room. Despite not knowing what the hell she was up to, he felt loose and at ease after a long night’s sleep. He yawned. He didn’t feel in danger... if anything, it would be cool to take one of the lickies again, if he found it, the hit was really special.

Wait, what? Lachlan shook his head. He must still be waking up, he wasn’t thinking straight.

Nadia’s drawers and closet revealed nothing but clothes. He took the chance to rifle through her bra and underwear, after all the cure might be hidden underneath. But it lacked the thrill he’d been expecting. He closed the draws. The room was immaculate and there were few other places to search. He was about to give up when he heard a scratching beneath the bed.

“Huh?” He dropped on all fours to see under. It came again, a scrambling noise, and he could make out what looked like a clear container. Lachlan reach in. Sure enough, it was a big plastic box, and as he touched it a scent hit his nose, animal and not particularly pleasant. He dragged it out, and stood up to see.

It was hamsters. Four very small hamsters, scurrying back and forth in their enclosed habitat, paws in the sawdust and drops of excrement lying about. They weren’t babies, but they weren’t far off it either. Two drippers led into the container, one with milk and the other with a pale blue substance, and there were small holes in the lid for air.

Lachlan frowned. He slid the container back under and as he did, noticed another shape in the dark beneath the bed. A cage, with other critters running around... mice! Again, little mice but not quite babies. Lachlan crawled out. Were these rodents being fed the same stuff he was? Nadia had some obsession with childhood and he didn’t appreciate being one of her test subjects.

There was only one thing to it. He’d have to confront her.

He strode down the hallway, but stopped short of the kitchen when he heard conversation again. Bec and Jodie, Nadia’s flatmates! He leaned against the wall, not wanting to be seen. It’d just be the perfect morning if they mistook him for a little kid, right now he couldn’t imagine anything more humiliating.

Careful not to be caught, he crept to the edge of the corridor and listened in.

“I just want to know,” Bec was drawling, “what the big secret is.”

“I know you do,” Nadia said. “It gives me a kick that you’re suffering in suspense.”

“We won’t steal your idea, Nadia,” Bec said. She had a distinctive voice, deep and booming, Lachlan would have recognised it from a mile away, literally. “There’s two weeks left and you know we can’t hope to compete anyway. I mean there isn’t anyone else in the course crazy enough to volunteer to do their major thesis assignment without a partner.”

“Oh, well, you know me. Lesser minds just hold me back.”

They weren’t talking about him. Good. Maybe they didn’t know. Actually, they definitely didn’t know. Nadia wasn’t likely to tell them she’d turned one of their college-age colleagues into a child. Bec continued: “Well, whatever it is doll, you know we look forward to it.”

At this point, a third figure stepped out of the kitchen heading for the front door, and stopped on seeing Lachlan in the hallway. A thin and tall – very tall now from Lachlan’s angle – blond-haired woman with a long face and a small mouth now drawn in surprise: Jodie. And he was spotted.

“Hello,” she said.

Lachlan looked up at her, body stiff. “Uh. Hi.”

Jodie’s perplexity changed to a bright smile as she leant down to his height. “What’s your name?” she asked.

And before he could think of something to say, Nadia appeared next to her, grinning, wickedly.

“I thought I heard Lachie’s voice. Bright and late for the day, huh champ?”

He couldn’t think what else to say. “Yes.”

“What are you hiding over here for? I hope you’re not being shy. Come on, come meet Bec and Jodie, they won’t bite, I promise.”

Well Bec might, if she was hungry enough. The heavily overweight red-head was glancing him over as he reluctantly allowed Nadia to lead him to the dining bench in the kitchen. She was huge enough even at his normal height. Hopefully he didn’t look too appetising.

“This is Lachie,” Nadia introduced him.

“Hi,” Lachlan mumbled, now a young boy the focus of the three girls’ attention and wishing he could disappear.

“Good to meet you, Lachie,” Bec said with a rumbling chuckle, apparently charmed by what seemed like his childish timidness.

“Did you sleep all right?” asked Jodie, whose already warm tone had become even more maternal. “I hope we weren’t too noisy. Nadia didn’t mention she had a little guest over.”

“Lachie’s parents had to run out of town so they left me to sit for the night,” Nadia explained. She flashed him a conspiratorial smile, which he did not return.

If he needed more conclusive proof that he wasn’t imagining he was a child, here it was. Neither Bec nor Jodie recognised this obviously pre-adolescent kid, and both thought it wholly reasonable Nadia should be minding him.

Bec, though, squinted through folds of fat at him. “I know where I recognise you!” she said.

Lachlan’s mouth almost dropped open.

“You look just like someone in our course at uni! Only he’s much older, of course. Arthur, someone Arthur, who am I thinking of? Jodie?”

Jodie peered at him. Any more of this attention and they might as well decide on a price tag and put him in an art exhibit: The Amazing Shrinking Boy. “I know who you’re thinking of. ‘L’ something.”

“Lenny,” Nadia offered.

“Something like that. Oh yes, he was the one I told you about, Nadia, who talked all through lunch break about how he wished he could be Captain Kirk. Odd guy. Kind of a dork.” She chuckled. “Isn’t that funny, you look like you could be his little brother. And, your names start with the same letter!”

“Yeah,” Lachlan said, “wow.” No one ever understood the action hero thing. But hearing Jodie bring it up, supposedly behind his back, that was the final straw. He looked straight at Nadia. “There’s something we need to talk about.”

“Is there? Well it’ll have to wait, sweet. We girls were having some grown-up time so why don’t you go play in your room for a bit?”

Lachlan flushed in anger. Oh right, he was a child now, and adults got to dismiss children whenever they wanted. Well not this time, not if he could help it. He poised himself, and as she turned back to her friends, said, “Mum called.”

This caught her attention. “She did, huh?”

“Yeah. She’s upset and she wants you to call her straight away.”

Nadia raised an eyebrow and folded her arms. “Really? And what’s got Mummy so uptight?”

Lachlan shrugged, gazing around the room to appear even more like an unassuming kid. “I dunno. I told her about the pills you gave me last night to help me sleep and she didn’t like it. She said you should’ve called her first. You know,” he continued, keeping the spite in his voice barely detectable, “the weird ones that made me feel –”

“Better see what she wants, then,” Nadia cut him off, yanking the phone off the receiver as she headed out of the kitchen. Jodie and Bec watched her go. Lachlan spun on his heel and started down the corridor so they wouldn’t see him smirk. He might be little, but he could still wrest back some power, dangling blackmail at her flatmates’ noses – would they believe she’d given her young charge drugs? If they knew her half as well as he did now, yeah, they might just...

He strode into the guest room, shoulders straight and quite proud of his quick wit.

Nadia followed behind and dropped the prop phone on the bed. Not giving her a chance to start, Lachlan turned quickly and said, “No bullshit. I wanna know what’s going on.”

Nadia looked at him. “You shouldn’t swear, you know. It doesn’t sound nice coming from a little boy.”

“Yeah, well, maybe you should’ve thought of that before you turned me into one.” He dropped onto the Star Trek blankets, and focused on sounding as mature as possible. “I’m waiting.” And when she opened her mouth he cut in: “And if you call me Lachie one more time, I’ll tell your friends you gave me a fucking cocktail of acid, methamphetamines and salvia divinorum.”

Nadia tilted her head sardonically. “Come on. I only said that was your name because they were less likely to recognise you that way. If they knew you were Lachlan, and they made the connection with twenty-two-year-old Science-student Lachlan, who looks just like you, it might actually click that you’re the same person.”

“Right.” Lachlan crossed his arms. “Because they know you make a habit of turning your friends into fifth-graders, do they?”

At this, Nadia gazed off with a wistful smile. “They have some idea,” she said. “But you’re the only one who knows that little secret for sure.”

“I’m honoured,” Lachlan said. “Now change me back.”

She turned her eyes back to him. And sighed. “All right. Just let me see Bec and Jodie out, and we’ll get you back to normal. Wait here.” She took the phone and ducked out the door and into her own room.

“I want you to change me back now!” he called after her, but she didn’t answer.

Lachlan swung his legs impatiently, toes brushing the carpet because the bed was so high up. Well, at least things were finally going back to normal, and once he returned to his adult body he’d find out just what the hell she’d given him that could more than halve his biological age. It was bizarre, the sort of thing he thought belonged strictly in science fiction and not in the drug scene, though at any rate, he’d be steering clear of that once this was over. Steering clear of her too, for that matter. Why she thought it would be fun to pull such a humiliating prank was beyond him, but he wasn’t amused, and she’d have to apologise and learn to grow up if she ever wanted to speak to him again.

Lachlan smiled, thinking back on the clever way he’d handled things. He’d actually wrangled with an adult and won, and with one so sharp as Nadia, no less. That was something to be proud of. Soon he’d be back in charge of his life, not being towed around to show flatmates how cute he looked as a ten-year-old. He breathed out, feeling better about the whole thing, just glad it was all about to be through.

Nadia returned with three plastic wrappers holding white pills, these ones bigger than the lickies. She tossed them onto the covers beside him, but as he went to open them, she swatted his hand. “Don’t touch.”

“But –”

“You need me with you when you use them. And like I said, I have to get Jodie and Bec out of the flat first.”

Lachlan shook his head. “No. I’m changing back now and that’s final.”

Nadia rolled her eyes. “Use your head. If you step into the kitchen, back to normal size, what are they gonna think? That you just happened to be at my apartment the same time as a little kid who looks exactly like you and who spontaneously vanished? And besides,” she added before he could protest that he could just stay in the room until they left, “you don’t know how these pills work. I do. I need to watch you. Unless you’re trying to collect your pension real early.”

Lachlan closed his mouth. Not a settling thought. “But,” he said. “But they’re not gonna think I really got made little, that’s stupid, they’d have to be nuts to assume –”

“Lachlan. They know about retrocaine. And they know I’m a particularly avid connoisseur. And your quip about the pills didn’t help. So unless you want them to remember you as the guy who stayed the night at my place being babysat,” she fixed him in the eye, “you’ll do as you’re told.”

He glared. “This is your fault anyway.”

“You know what’d help, though? If you played along. Here.” She reached down, and picked up the remote-control monster truck. “If they see you playing on the floor like any kid, that’s normal and nothing to think twice about. But if you’re sitting there stiff and determined to prove you’re twenty-two years old not ten, they may just believe you. Try it.” She held the controller out to him. “You might even have fun.”

Lachlan wrinkled his nose at it. Have fun, right. Not likely.

Well, actually. The red flames along the truck’s sides did look kind of cool. And driving its big wheels over obstacles and swerving under the bed and through doorways like the house was some giant racecourse sounded exciting, when he thought about it. Almost like getting to live the comics he read. That secret, ‘dorky’ desire to act the hero? Maybe playing it out, the one time he’d ever be allowed to, would be okay to try...

But he wasn’t about to admit that to Nadia. “Fine,” he said, snatching the controller.

Nadia smiled and stood. “Clever choice. You enjoy yourself. I’ll be back before you know it.”

Lachlan watched her leave, until she rounded the hallway into the kitchen. Then, nervously, as though someone might walk in and see (which, he reminded himself, was the point), he sat cross-legged on the floor and picked the toy truck up in one small hand and set it down facing sideways.

To experiment, he sent it to the other side of the room. The motor gave a familiar high whir.

He reversed it, in an arc around the bed leg, then drove it forward so it hit him in the thigh.

This wasn’t so bad, he thought, as he sent the remote car back and forth across the carpet. Kind of simple and nostalgic, and fun, like the adrenaline he’d felt as a teenager only, more playful. Boyish, and it had a unique, long-forgotten tone, absorbing and unburdened. This was all he had to think about really, sitting on the floor and playing with his truck, and it was an awesome truck, the kind he’d have peered at enviously through the toy store window every time his parents dragged him by on their way to more important shopping. Having it to himself was really cool.

And all at Nadia’s expense of course, which was only right. He didn’t actually want to be a little boy, he was only pretending. But no harm in enjoying himself while he had the chance, right? This was what she wanted, so she should have to pay for it.

The more he played with it, the more adventurous he became, and soon he stood up, to drive it between his ankles and up over his feet. Lachlan giggled at the coarse feel of the tires on skin. He found a box full of blocks in the cupboard and set them up like a ramp and drove it over so it crashed into the window. He aimed it towards himself and ran at it and jumped at the last instant, landing on the bed and letting the mattress bounce him up high. What had he been worried about before? This was fun!

As the game went on, he became less and less conscious of what he was doing. Playing again for the first time in years began to feel comfortable, natural, which of course it was. Despite a decade of growing up, it was as though only weeks had passed, and he was at last back to something he’d missed more than he realised.

Something, like what?

Like a frame of mind. So much tension just wasn’t there anymore, tension he’d gotten so used to that he no longer felt it. Behind this game was a... self-assurance, a lightness, nothing was wrong really, it was actually comfortable to not overthink everything.

But after a while, like any kid, Lachlan started getting bored.

He wheeled the toy out to the corridor for new grounds to explore. But something was missing. There was something about this rediscovered innocence that spoke to him, except he couldn’t make out what it was saying. Such a teasing feeling! Playing with the monster truck wasn’t enough, he needed more, much more, but much more of what, he didn’t know.

Not fully aware of he was doing, Lachlan ended up driving his toy into the kitchen, where Bec, Jodie and Nadia’s conversation went on as an irrelevant background. He didn’t notice their eyes tracing the young boy as he skirted it across the tiles, punctuating their dialogue with the motor’s high drone, spinning it around in noisy circles, following it over the top of the controls. Finally a botched stunt through the bench stools rammed it into Jodie’s foot.

Jodie leant to pick it up, and Lachlan looked up at her apprehensively.

“Lachie,” Nadia said. “The adults are trying to have a conversation. Take it back to your room, please.”

“Oh, it’s okay,” Jodie said, setting the truck where it had room on the tiles and smiling fondly at Lachlan. “He’s just having fun, I don’t mind.”

“Is that yours, Lachie?” Bec asked. “It looks exciting, how does it work?”

“Um.” He angled the remote control to show her. “You push this one to go forwards or back. And this one makes it turn, see?” He demonstrated, sending it across the kitchen again.

“Ooh, you’re really good!” Jodie said. “You must have lots of practice.”

“Nope. This is my first time.” He followed this up by skimming it along the cupboards without crashing.

“Well done. Lucky boy,” Jodie said. “That’s super cool.”

Lachlan smiled, proud at their admiration. It was real cool, even more so because the adults could appreciate it. “I can make it drive over stuff too,” he added.

“Spectacular,” Nadia drawled. “You should work at a crash derby when you’re older. Anyway.” She turned to her flatmates. “You two better get to the library before all the computers are taken. End-of-term rush, remember.”

Lachlan suddenly remembered the pills lying on his bed.

“True enough,” Bec said. She took a cookie from the bench and slid off the stool with a grunt. “I suppose you’re on top of everything though.”

“More or less,” Nadia commented, with a glance to Lachlan.

Jodie looked at him too, but more warmly. “Uni work. You’ll know what it’s like in a few years.”

“Yeah,” Lachlan said. A gap opened in his stomach as he realised he had the thesis assignment due soon as well, and that in a short while, he’d be returning to it, back to normal.

Bec waved at him from the door, dripping crumbs on the carpet. “Bye bye Lachie!” she said through a mouthful of biscuit. “Tell your mum and dad to call if they ever need a babysitter again.”

“Okay.”

“Seeya, Lachie,” Jodie said, and leant to kiss him on the cheek. He let her, but only because it meant she’d leave quicker. Jodie was weird with children.

Nadia saw her friends out and closed the door. Then it was just them again.

“Right,” she said. “Still in a rush to get back to responsibility, stress and financial pressure? Let’s go.”

Lachlan followed her mutely back to the guest room. He realised he still had the controller in his hand, but didn’t put it down. Nadia was holding the pills up, explaining how they worked and what to do, and he nodded like he was listening, but he wasn’t. His eyes kept wandering back to the remote control.

If he ended this now, he was going to miss something. And could he really abandon that something when he was closer to it than ever?

It meant returning to adult life, which by comparison seemed unbearably tedious. Worse than tedious. Meaningless. Not that there could be much meaning in playing with blocks and toy cars all day either. But one felt nonetheless wholesome, somehow, where the other was... dry. Childhood held secrets. Special secrets adulthood had left behind. Secrets he could find again. He knew it.

“Hey.” Nadia clicked her fingers. “You paying attention? This part’s important.”

“Y-yeah,” Lachlan said. But, now, he knew there was only one thing that would take him deeper into the security being ten years old gave a taste of. Only one thing offered the greatest high that most people experience but once in their lifetimes, and even thinking of it brought back that sensation, the awareness, the ecstasy, the way his mind united to say YES – “Nadia!” he said. “I... I can’t.”

“Can’t what?”

“I...” He took a deep breath. “I need another lickie.”

Her eyes widened. “You do, huh?”

“Just one,” he clarified. His heart fluttered. Would one be enough? Any more seemed way too dangerous.

Nadia dropped the antidotes on the covers, and paused. “Well, despite what you implied before, I’m not usually up for dealing drugs to minors,” she said. “But, all right.”

She stood and walked to her room.

Lachlan watched her go. He gulped, hard, but followed. A surge of anticipation made this casual speed of things feel far too slow. Nadia was on a chair, pulling a box off the top of her closet. She plucked one red pill and put the rest back out of reach and sight. “Cherry,” she said, and tossed it to him.

He caught it, and opened out his palms. The innocuous red pill waited in its wrapper. And he definitely needed it.

He sat against the bed frame and opened it, and held it up to see. Everything focused on the red tablet, and the little fingers bracing it. This was going to make him smaller, he realised in the back of his mind, but he brushed the thought off. A glance to Nadia who looked on, expression neutral, as he wavered.

Lachlan opened his mouth, and popped it in.

Then he was lost at once, in cherry tasted over for the first time. The texture on his tongue, twenty times stronger than a mouthful of real fruit, and far more lucid. Everything about this flavour was a revelation, closer this time, unlocking a mind without words, without thoughts, with only experiences. It permeated his mouth, spreading along his cheeks, up to his nose and down to his neck, where he felt more than ever, by the smooth structure of it all, just how young he was already. The loose muscles, the unworn ease of his whole body, was lighting up in his consciousness. He closed his eyes, leant against the bed, and let out a deep breath.

In his mind, he could see his form sitting there, archetypal, like an interweaving web of energy forming this preteen boy and everything about him. His thoughts, his character, his perceptions. It was all there, clear and visible, the way the chemical flow interacted with his brain to give him a lighter heart – and his physical heart beat on steady, soothed by the drug’s effect. He understood, too, how he was going to grow up to be unbalanced, scattered everywhere. Because the image of his adult self overlayed his child self. And it was far more erratic. This body he had now was a small one with poise in equilibrium, and that... that brought him nearer to something. Something he would need to transform for again, if he wanted to understand it.

And he did want to. Of course he did.

The form he was taking on now was less self-conscious, more absorbed in the moment. And like a sad song played backwards, he returned to it. Years stripped away with the weight he was losing.

It was a small alteration compared to what had come before. But these changes were so pivotal for such a short space of time. Limbs and torso shrunk and shifted proportion. Bone structure realigned. Face youthened, an ever more unknowing disposition, and his hair grew finer. Vestiges of baby fat reappeared along his arms where muscle definition used to be as an adult. Everything went further back to the way it was.

When he opened his eyes, the room had not altered drastically from his new height, and the euphoria was fading to leave him with an air of naivety. Nadia was watching pensively. “You look like you drifted off there.”

Lachlan climbed unsteadily to his feet. Again, several inches shorter. Just when he was getting used to being ten. “How... how young did I...” His voice, slightly higher again, and chirpier.

“See for yourself.” Nadia nodded to the closet mirror.

His pyjama pants slid lower as he walked in sight of it, and he had to hold them up again. At least this time he knew it was real. Real, too, was the very young boy reflected back at him.

Lachlan looked not quite eight years old. His mouth, slightly ajar, revealed he still had milk teeth, and one upper front tooth was missing. The cuddliness of this new look made ten seem grounded and mature. Was this really what he wanted? Now the rush was over, he didn’t feel closer to... anything, just sheepish, alike this seven-year-old’s childish expression. His need to have another pill instead of the antidote didn’t make sense anymore.

“Smile!” Nadia said, and a flash went off.

The sudden light dulling from his vision brought him back. There was that camera again. What, did she want the photos to tease him with later? Wasn’t it enough she’d fooled him into shrinking? He’d asked for a trip and he was supposed to be able to trust her. Instead she was snapping shots of him at increasingly immature and embarrassing ages, while she led him deeper into childhood. Because it was obvious, now his head was clear. It was all a game to her, and she’d played him damn well.

Lachlan’s cheeks boiled with anger as he turned to her. “You tricked me.”

Lowering the camera, she stared at him incredulously. “Say again?”

“Those pills are addictive. You made me think I wanted to keep getting smaller!”

“Uh, no, that was your call, mister. I was about to give you the cure.” She paused. “Though, if you’re not happy with it, I can understand you not being mature enough to take responsibility. After all, you’re back to about Year Three now. Blaming other people for their own mistakes is what children do.”

That was so unfair he wanted to scream! “You knew I was gonna get confused if I played with that god damn truck! That’s why you gave it to me!”

“Yeah, enough with the potty mouth, Lachie. I don’t wanna hear it from now on.”

“Stop treating me like a little kid!” Lachlan’s high voice was already forced on the verge of tears. He clenched his fists to keep it under control. “I know you’re only doing it so – so I’ll act like one! I’m not in Year Three, I can swear whenever I fucking want!”

That word felt good. It made him feel less like the upset child he was. But a pang shot through him at Nadia’s sharp look. “I mean it, Lachie. Do you want me to wash your mouth out with soap?”

He took a step back. Her quip from last night came again, except this time she wasn’t joking. “You... you can’t do that!”

“Right now, you’re around seven years old. And swearing is not appropriate for seven-year-olds. Hence: yeah I can.”

Tears threatened the corners of his eyes. “But I’m not really seven!”

“Yes you are. I’ve tested the drug, Lachie. It makes you younger physically and mentally. You wouldn’t have noticed, but you’re behaving exactly like any seven-year-old.”

“I – I am not!”

“You are, so that’s how I’m going to treat you. And all seven-year-olds need minding, so consider it my duty as a babysitter.”

Lachlan’s nails dug into his palm. She couldn’t just reprimand him like a child! It was because of her that he was this young to start with! A surge of spite swirled in his chest and he spat, “You’re s’posed to be my tripsitter, not my babysitter, you psycho bitch!”

Nadia’s eyes locked on his and he faltered.

She dropped the camera by the psychedelic clock, and marched over. Lachlan only had time to take one small step back before she grabbed his wrist. He whimpered and tugged, but she was incredibly strong. Suddenly he was all too aware of how much bigger she was. “L-let go!” he cried.

“I warned you,” she said, and dragged him into the hallway.

“Nooo!” Lachlan twisted and pulled, but his childish strength was no match for her. He sobbed and even pried at her hand, but it was a vice, and he had to hurry to keep up because it felt like she might slide him along the carpet if he didn’t. “Nadia! Don’t!”

Nadia slid the bathroom door open and towed the crying boy in with her. Feet touched the cold tiles and he caught his tear-stricken face in the mirror, where the sink obscured him from the shoulder down. Nadia’s grip was starting to hurt.

She pulled him in front of the sink and wrapped an arm around his chest as a pylon securing him against her legs, and reached for a toothbrush. “No, no-ho, I’m sorry, please, I didn’t mean it!” Eyes fixated on the toothbrush and as she soaked it in soap, he writhed against her grip. “Don’t, Nadia, I said I was sorry! Don’ – mmmrgh –”

She shoved it in his mouth and started scrubbing. Lachlan recoiled but the only place for his head to go was against her stomach. Soap filled his mouth and he tried to twist his head away, but Nadia followed him calmly and methodically. The pungent flavour soaked his taste buds. He was mortified. This couldn’t be happening! He couldn’t be a seven-year-old boy, getting his mouth washed out with soap!

“Mmmmhnnn!” He was crying in earnest now. Nadia scrubbed the underside of his tongue and started on his gums. Bubbles foamed out of his mouth and he gagged. It was the worst thing he’d ever tasted. The humiliation was unbearable.

“We’re gonna wash,” Nadia said, “every bit of foul language,” she ran the brush over the gap in his top teeth, “outta your mouth. And then you’re gonna smarten up. I haven’t heard one ‘thank you’, not one single ‘please’, for getting you the drugs, for sitting you, or anything. You didn’t even apologise to Jodie for hitting her with the toy truck and now, you swear at me. And I’m absolutely not interested in putting up with a naughty... little... boy.”

Lachlan had given up fighting. She was much too big and strong. The taste of soap made him feel sick, and gagging just brought up more. Nadia went on meticulously. For her casual air, she sure was thorough as a disciplinarian. Lachlan held on to her forearm for support, the reality setting in with each brush. Children didn’t have the same rights as grown-ups, they could have their space completely invaded by an adult if they misbehaved, as he had, and he couldn’t have felt more imposed upon.

He moaned as she scrubbed the top of his mouth. But he understood now. He’d earned this. For being bad, for swearing. He was more than just a child – he was a child being well disciplined. And now with the soap and the humiliation came shame, deep shame that made him give in. He submitted to the punishment he deserved.

Finally, Nadia stopped. The awful toothbrush left his mouth. “You can spit now,” she said, letting him go.

Lachlan lunged for the sink and spat violently, trying to expel the taste. Tears dripped off his cheek. Nothing worked. He ran the water and rinsed his mouth, desperately scourging every bitter trace of the stuff, but even then its fragrance remained all through his mouth. He was breathing it.

“Are you ready to stay sorry and mean it?”

Lachlan nodded, sniffling. In the mirror was a red-faced little boy with streams running down to his chin. He took a struggling breath to control his crying, and did his best. “I’m s-sorry f-for swearing a-at you.”

“So no more calling me a bitch? No more F-words?”

“No,” Lachlan whimpered, gazing at the tiles.

“That’s better. From now on...” she turned him by the shoulders and tilted his chin up with a finger. Looking into her eyes was scary. “I want you to remember your manners and do as you’re told. Because you’re seven now. Got it?”

“Yes.” He didn’t even want to do the wrong thing anymore. The thought that he’d sworn at Nadia filled him with guilt, of course she had to punish him for that, and he’d better behave from now on or she might even spank him.

But a puzzled expression came over his face. This wasn’t right. He wasn’t really seven, how could she be pushing him around like this? He’d been upset with her because she’d tricked him into getting even younger. Yet none of the outrage resurfaced, only a meek childish instinct that she must be right, because she was the adult... Lachlan furrowed his brow.

“Can I have... can I please have the antidote now?” Though part of him was tempted to ask for another lickie instead. It would make sense of everything, and make him feel much better, much better, the memory alone ignited craving for a comfort he could really use right now.

Nadia softened at his question. “Not just yet. Maybe in a bit. I bet you’re hungry, though? You haven’t had breakfast yet.”

Lachlan nodded. He was, a little, but no harm playing it up if it might earn some much needed sympathy. “Yeah. I’m varnished.” He blinked. Was that the right word?

Obviously not, because Nadia burst out laughing. “’Famished’, sweetie. Poor Lachie. Now what kind of a babysitter am I if I’m letting you starve, hm?”

Lachlan grinned, and sniffed, feeling more under control. “A really bad one,” he said. That was cheeky, right after having his mouth washed out, but she was being playful, so he could get away with it.

“Oh? Well. Let’s see how you feel after pancakes.”

Pancakes! Lachlan brightened up. She couldn’t be too angry anymore if she was offering him a special treat like that. “Can we get it from McDonalds?”

And without warning, she leant down and scooped him up. His eyes opened wide as Nadia’s strong adult arms hoisted him high in the air, up to her height, and she cradled one hand on his bottom and the other on his overlarge pyjama top. “You haven’t tried my homemade stuff yet,” she said. “Otherwise you wouldn’t ask for that garbage. Anyway, I have my assignment to work on here, so can I count on you to be a good boy?”

“I’ll be good,” he promised. Now the shock of being picked up like he was weightless had faded, he was finding it easier to relax into Nadia’s arms, the warmth and comfort of it wiped away any embarrassment that might have come up. Being carried, the way he was now as she took him out of the bathroom, put him at ease. He could rely on her to take care of everything. Settling into this frame of mind started to feel natural, and he rested his head on her shoulder, breathing out and hugging her back in surrender. To his surprise, Nadia ran a hand through his golden hair, lifting strands of it between her fingers, and that felt... good. Something like being back home after a long time away. The relief he needed after being disciplined.

And as ever, there was more to that relief. He’d never thought something he’d taken for granted as a child could feel so intoxicating. The release in his mind begged for more, and this time there was no fumbling in the dark for what might provide it. He knew. They were on top of Nadia’s dresser, in a variety of mind-blowing flavours, and it wouldn’t be long now before he’d get to have more. And how sweet that would be...

How he’d feel perfectly safe again, just like he did now. Only this time, it would be for good.

 

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