Ben There

Chapter 4
Mid March; Anxiously Changing

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Chapter Description: Ben's worries continue, but then some fun happens.

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Mid March; Anxiously Changing

Ben expected the next week to be horrible, and it was.

Midterm exams were at the end of the week. Not having tests in Spanish or History helped, but he still had to study, and he had to worry a lot too, a whole lot.

Worse than that though was that he was still shrinking, and he knew it was more than just losing weight now. Vicky was catching up. But his dad had asked him not to worry about that, and he tried not to - he did - he didn’t want to make waves and upset his mom and dad. But trying to not think about it, only made it scarier when he did.

Maggie, the new maid, added to his problems too. She was annoying in the extreme: telling him to wash his hands before he got a snack; making him change his clothes before he went outside to practice his basketball skills. And she kept moving Higgins, the stuffed dog Danielle and the girls gave him, to his bed because, she said, he looked uncomfortable on a shelf. After three days he just quit moving it back and decided to blame Kathy if anyone ever saw it there.

On top of all of that, this Friday was the Spring Dance, and he couldn’t find a date, and he felt very anxious about going alone this time. He had a lot of friends now, most were in his new Phys Ed class, but most of them were upperclassmen too (something that made him impressed with himself), but he knew they were all going to have dates and, after witnessing Danielle and Adam greet each other, he didn’t want to be there when it happened again.

Just after his fight with Vicky last Friday, he had gotten up the nerve to ask Amber to go with him, but she had said, "I’d love to, Benji, but my parents have some big thing that night, and I have to babysit. I’m really sorry."

Girls always say something like that when they turn down someone, don’t they? But Ben decided that Amber didn’t really hate him because she kept being so friendly during lunch and PE.

The whole thing went from bad to dreadful when he found out that Vicky was having her birthday slumber party that Friday night. He really needed to be out of that house for as long as possible.

In the middle of the week, Amber asked if he’d found anyone to go with, and he told her of his problems.

"Nine girls? I hope your room is sound proof, Benji. We can be noisy. Even when you get back from the dance, they’ll still be going strong too. I really wish I could go. Really."

"There will be eleven, if you count my sisters. Could you tell your parents that you want to, and find someone else to babysit?"

"Ohhhh, here’s the thing, Danny’s nearly twelve and, of course, he thinks he doesn’t need a babysitter anymore. If I stay home, he can pretend that I’m just there but, if someone else came, he’d have to admit the truth. So I’m stuck with him."

"Yeah, my sister used to throw a fit, but it was worse when I was in charge."

"A fit would be better! Danny would get all sad and mopey for days. It’s terrible to watch. -- Hey! I’ve got an idea! Unless you really want to go to the dance, why don’t you spend the night with me?"

Ben’s jaw dropped and his eyes sprung open. He knew she didn’t mean "spend the night" as in ’spend the night’, but he couldn’t stop the reaction.

Amber reacted to his face and put on an indignant one of her own. She said, "I’m not that kind of girl, Mr. Benjamin Collins! I meant you can help me with Danny and then sleep in the guestroom or the den or somewhere."

"I know; it’s just..."

"Oh, you’re so cute! I knew you knew, Benji. So would you like to come to my house for the night?"

"That would be great and ... and can I tell people ... not that I’m spending the night with you, but that you’re my girlfriend?"

Amber smiled and said, "Ohh, Benj. Can I tell everyone you’re my boyfriend too?"

"Well, yeah." "The more the better," Ben thought.

That evening Ben tried to study, but his mind kept going back to Amber, and to having a girlfriend. She was the first girlfriend he’d had in over two and a half years, and he wasn’t sure the one at thirteen really counted -- though they had made out once, but only to first base, and only because they were supposed to. "How far would Amber go?" he wondered.

The thought made him as excited and anxious as it had three years ago, and soon he started looking at his porn sites on his computer. They still interested him, and quickly they pushed him onto his bed (after he grabbed a sock from the hamper). He moved his hand harder and harder and faster, but it took a long time for him to get hard - he used to be stiff after a few glances at those websites. Then he sighed, and he was still hard, but tired, and he turned the sock inside out, and it was still dry. That had happened every time for a week. But, at least, it still felt good to touch it, that part wasn’t numb, but still something wasn’t right. He hugged Higgins and gritted is teeth.

And it hurt. Not the stuffed animal, but his teeth. His teeth bit into his gums. He rubbed them with his finger and two at the very back were loose.

He found his mom and dad in the den watching TV with their arms around each other.

He thought, "Gah, get a room!" But he wasn’t in the mood to make the joke out loud, and it somehow made him feel better to just know that they still liked each other.

"Something’s wrong with my teeth now," he said aloud.

His dad quickly sat up straight and said, "Huh? Do you think you’re important enough to interrupt a TV show? But you’re in luck because we have TiVo."

"Come over here, honey. Let me see."

Ben sat down on the coffee table facing them, and his mom looked into his mouth. "Yep, one is almost out already. Do you want your Daddy to pull it? He is the pro, remember?"

"Mom, I’m not supposed to still be losing teeth! I’m almost sixteen!"

"Honey, some back teeth come in when you are older. Some people get them in their twenties, and they’re called wisdom teeth because twenty year olds are so wise."

"Or," his dad said, "they could be some coming out late. We didn’t keep that close track. Let’s go into the kitchen and see what’s up."

It was reassuring that his mom and dad weren’t worried, they hadn’t even mentioned dental hygiene yet, but no one he knew had lost a tooth since seventh grade -- but maybe no one but him thought it worth mentioning.

In the kitchen his dad said, "Both of those lower back guys are ready to come out. Want me to do them both, or wait on one until tomorrow."

"Tomorrow!"

"OK, but it will feel better quicker if you get it over with and, if you save the tooth fairy a trip, she might be more generous."

He knew he was sounding squeamish, so Ben agreed, and his father quickly had both teeth out. And his mom handed him a glass of water and two pieces of gauze.

His dad examined the teeth and said, "See, healthy teeth, no cavities even. I think they have just finished their job."

Ben’s mom said, "But it is time for all three of you to see a dentist. I’ll try to get appointments during your spring break."

"NO!" Ben said, sounding even more squeamish than before.

"Benji, you have to see dentist every once and a while. You know that."

"Yeah, but not on vacation days, Mom."

His dad said, "Ahh, that’s my boy."

"I’ll see what the dentist can do, Benji. How does your mouth feel, honey?"

"OK. It’s already stopped bleeding too."

"That’s a good sign, isn’t it, son?"

"Can I ask ’bout something else?"

His dad said, "Well, we were just getting to the exciting part of this TV show, but I guess we can wait a couple of minutes."

His mom led him to the couch. Then she steered him into a space right between her and his dad so he was almost in the lap of both. He wasn’t comfortable, he felt weird, and he had done nothing like this for a long time, but with both his mom’s and dad’s arms on his shoulders, it felt comfortable in a different way.

He said, "I think I need to see a doctor besides the dentist - it’sn’t just the teeth. I know for sure I’m shrinking! Vicky’s the same as me now!"

"I’m starting to think you might be right, buddy," his dad said, "but I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about. Teenage bodies go through lots of changes. Your bones and muscles might be shifting around, getting ready for a big growth spurt or something like that."

"Honey," his mom said, "yes. This might happen to lots of boys, and your medicine and losing weight are just making it more noticeable, but I’ll call your doctor tomorrow too and ask him about it for you, OK?"

"But there’s something else besides that." Ben pulled up his pants leg, and said, "There’s hardly any hair left there, and none in my pits at all, and my arms." He didn’t want to mention that his pubic region had gotten thinner and softer too.

"Maybe you’re getting ready for spring. Laddie is sure shedding a lot right now. Maggie has to vacuum constantly."

"Mom!"

"I’m sorry, baby. I know you’re worried, and it’s no time for jokes, is it?"

"And I know the hair thing never happens, mom, or someone would have claimed it when getting teased in the locker room."

"Benji, that’s probably just another side effect from your shots, sweetie, but I’ll talk to the doctor about it too."

"And, son," his dad said, "I don’t think we should stop these shots. They don’t make you feel sick, do they? You’re energetic and outgoing, and you’re doing much better at school, right?"

Ben nodded and looked at his feet. He was still worried, and the main reason he was working harder in school, he thought, wasn’t because of the shots. It was because he’d reached threshold levels in all his online games at the same time. They’d all become harder all of the sudden, and he just didn’t feel like playing them now. He was sure that was the only reason, and even his mom and dad checking up on his work didn’t matter.

His mom said, "And, honey, you’re having more fun and when you’re not thinking about these things, you are happier too. It makes me feel good to see you outside playing with your basketball."

His dad said, "You even talk at the dinner table sometimes, and without arguing very much, Puddin’."

"But if people at school - or Vicky! - notices I don’t have any hair on my legs, they will be all over me."

"Sweetie, you don’t have to change for gym now and can’t wear shorts in the upper school, so no one at school will notice. And while you were at Danielle’s the other day, Vicky and I had a very, very long talk, and I explained things to her. I think you are going to see a big change in her. Hasn’t she been nicer this week?"

Ben hadn’t noticed but now he realized it had been four days since she had called him stupid or any other name, and he nodded.

"But, Benji, you need to be nicer to her too. She is growing up; she will be a real teenager in just five more days; remember? You need to show her some respect, and you can even let her help you sometimes; she would really like to do that."

Ben couldn’t think of a single thing that Vicky could ever help him with, but he kept his mouth shut.

"Is there anything else, son?" his dad asked, and Ben shook his head.

Ben knew that his mom and dad wouldn’t say it would make him go blind or be surprised he masturbated, but he couldn’t bring himself to talk to them about that; he wasn’t even sure he could with the doctor.

"So, buddy, I can see how these things can worry you, and we will check with the doctors. Right now we want you to relax. It is only temporary. OK? And you have an overnight with Danny in two days. Wouldn’t it be more fun to think about that?"

"You mean at Amber’s."

His mom said, "They will both be there. It’s nearly bedtime; have you finished studying?"

"Yeah."

"Then go and take a shower and get into bed, honey. I’ll come check on you in a few minutes."

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A redheaded boy in Amber’s driveway yelled, "Hi! You Benji?" before Ben had gotten out of the car.

"It’s Ben. Yeah," Ben said.

"I’m Danny. Com’on. I’m driving my remote control cars."

"Let me go talk to Amber, and then I will Danny."

"She’s up in her room and said we should play out here for awhile."

Ben had promised Amber that he would help entertain Danny if he came over, so he went to race the cars with the boy.

As he walked across the drive he said, "I’m going to learn to drive a real car this summer. It’ll be great, huh?"

"Yeah? Cool. You gonna get your own car?"

"My dad keeps saying ’maybe’. So maybe he really is thinking about it."

"Yeah, I know about maybes. -- You want to drive the Charger or the Mustang. The Charger’s faster, but doesn’t steer as good."

When Mr. and Mrs. Stewart, Danny’s mom and dad, were leaving, Mr. Stewart said, "You need to go off road, boys, while I back the car out."

Mrs. Stewart said, "Hi, Benji. It’s nice to see you. Amber talks about you a lot. Are you having fun?"

"Yes, Ma’am. I told Amber I’d help keep Danny entertained tonight."

Mr. Stewart said, "And you two don’t give Amber a hard time, alright?"

"Sure," Danny said.

"I don’t, sir," Ben said, and his politeness got him a louder than expected chuckle.

While the garage door was open, Ben spotted a basketball and hoop, and he and Danny were having a one on one match when Amber came out.

"Danny, are you letting my boyfriend win? He’s the visitor. You should be nice."

"Yeah, I am."

"Letting me win, ha! If I make the next two baskets, he’s skunked. Watch this shot, Amber." Ben threw up a jump shot that went over the backboard.

Amber just smiled at him and said, "I’m about ready to make dinner. That means I’m going to call the Pizza place. I know what Danny wants; what do you want, Benji?"

"Oh, I like everything. So, whatever." He wanted to make it easy for her.

"OK. I’ll get an anchovies, pineapple, and jalapeño one just for you."

"Hey! I like everything except real weird stuff. OK?"

"Oh, OK. Come in when you see the delivery guy. And Danny being nice to my boyfriend, doesn’t mean you have to let him skunk you. Stop missing on purpose."

"I just play hellacious defense!" Ben said.

Danny said, "Do you have a crush on my sister too? Almost all my friends do; it’s a real pain."

Ben asked (only a bit worried), "She doesn’t call them her boyfriend though, right? And I’m a lot older than your friends, you know?"

"Yeah, I guess so. That brick you threw up showing off, counts. It’s my in."

When only the pizza crusts were left on the table, Danny said, "Rematch. You can’t beat me twice," and Ben jumped up to follow him out.

Amber said, "Wait, guys. It’s dark. You won’t even be able to see."

"What about the lights on the garage!"

"But if you get all sweaty, you’ll have to take baths tonight, and if you don’t you won’t, and what about those two new games you got for your Wii? And what about I’m in charge and say, stay in, Danny?"

"OK, Amber the Boss. Ben, you want to do the games? I got a chase one and a soccer one."

Halfway to the den, Ben said, "I should talk to Amber more, and we should help clean up the kitchen."

Danny said, "Huh? Knock it off." And Ben followed him to the den.

That was the last Ben saw of Amber for almost two hours. The next time was when he was trying to wrestle the Nurf soccer ball from Danny to show what the guy in the video game should do, and Danny wanted to demonstrate headers instead, and they were laughing so hard they didn’t hear her until she said, "Didn’t you hear me?!" and then they both sat up so fast they knocked over the coffee table.

Amber said, "What did you break?"

"Nothing!" Danny said as he piled things back onto the table.

"Well, don’t do it again. -- Gee, really, calm down you two."

Ben had an attack of conscience and followed Amber up the hall. "I’m sorry, Amber. I should have stopped that."

Amber gave Ben one of her best smiles. "It’s no biggie, Benji. That room is pretty much destruction proof. And I know neither one of you are going to go too overboard."

Ben felt a bit better but said, "Yeah, and I kinda been ignoring you and spending all the time with your kid brother."

"Benj, you’re doing fine, silly. I’m glad you are having fun. Maybe we can talk after Dan conks out. If he ever does. OK?"

"Yeah, ’K." That made sense; they couldn’t really make out until the little kid was asleep, right?

"Benji, you don’t have to feel bad or embarrassed about having fun with Danny either. OK?"

Ben remembered that Danielle had said something similar about Adam watching a basketball game with him last week, so he guessed lots of girls thought that way.

Then Amber said, "But there is one favor you could do for me. It’s almost ten o’clock. If I tell Danny to get ready for bed, I’ll have to say it a dozen times. But if you do it first, then it won’t be a problem."

"But, Amber, I thought I’d sleep in the guest room, and I just brought, you know, some boxers and a t-shirt. That’s all I ever use."

"That’s OK, Benji. That’s what Danny sleeps in too. He won’t care."

"Yeah, but I can’t come downstairs in that. I mean..."

"Danny does all the time. You won’t shock me. I’m used to it. They look just like regular shorts, you know? Please? I left your things in Danny’s room."

Well, they looked like regular shorts but lots shorter, Ben thought. And it wasn’t modesty so much as he didn’t want Amber to see his legs, his now hairless legs, but he had said he would help her and had knocked over a table instead, so he agreed. He just hoped he could get his legs under something before she saw them.

His backpack was unpacked with things laid out on Danny’s bed. As he changed he saw a poster above Danny’s desk of that twelve pointed star, the one that was supposed to be Venus and represented the club Amber and Danielle belonged too.

When he got downstairs, Amber and Danny had spread two sleeping bags out on top of each other on the floor, and Ben was able to get his legs hidden quickly.

Amber said, "Thank you, Benj, but you really don’t need to be so modest." And she kissed him! It was on his forehead, but she kissed him. That proved he was her boyfriend, and it wasn’t just a crush, right? But Danny was looking at the TV screen already and hadn’t seen it.

When his turn was over Danny tossed the controller to Ben and sprinted upstairs. In three minutes he was back wearing only boxers and a t-shirt, like Ben.

In another ten minutes, Amber was back wearing a nightgown, one that came below her knees, and she said, "OK, hit the pause button for a minute, because I know where the plug for that player is, and I’m not afraid to use it, guys."

Danny paused in the middle of a fight in the game.

Amber said, "OK, I’m not going to tell you when to go to bed tonight" - Ben thought she was talking only to Danny - "But you know you had better be asleep when Mom and Dad walk in. That will be just after midnight, OK?"

Danny nodded, but Ben just waited to get back to the game.

"Did anything like bristles touch anything like either of yours teeth tonight?"

No one said anything. "Then go do that. The pause will hold, boys."

Danny pulled on Ben’s arm, and he went along to set a good example, and because Amber would want him to.

All three of them went upstairs and at the top Amber said, "I’m going to go ahead and go to bed. Promise me no more wrestling and you will be in bed when Mom and Dad come in?"

Danny said, "We won’t, and we will. But I’m not telling in which order."

Amber scowled, smiled and hugged Danny and kissed his cheek and said, "Good night, baby brother."

"Good night, evil big sister."

Then she grabbed Ben and shocked him by kissing him again and saying, "Good night, favorite boyfriend."

Ben’s head spun as he searched for something to say, but he could find nothing.

When they were in Danny’s room, Ben pointed at the poster of Venus and asked Danny if it was for a club he belonged to. Danny said, "Yeah. My whole family is members, and Mom says I’ve been since before I was three, but I didn’t even know about it until last week. But it’s real secret, and I can’t say much about it."

Almost two hours after that Danny grabbed Ben’s arm and said, "OH, gees!" Then he turned off the game machine right in the middle of an avatar’s sword swing, and jumped between the two sleeping bags pulling Ben under with him.

The front door opened noisily, and Mr. Stewart said, "Well, it seems to be in one piece."

At the door to the den, Mrs. Stewart said, "And Danny and Ben are sound asleep, like they should be too."

Ben could hear Danny trying to stifle giggles before he realized he was too.

"Of course they are. They know better than to stay up this late, and so do I. I’m going to bed right now."

Mrs. Stewart said, "OK, I have something to do in the kitchen. I’ll be up in about five minutes, Jack."

Ben and Danny were still laughing, but didn’t dare talk. Danny yawned.

Ben looked at the ceiling and thought about wanting to play with Danny some more. Then he thought about the kisses Amber had given him, and then he thought about how he hadn’t really talked to her all night, and then he thought about how she had really told him to go brush his teeth. But then he thought about how it had been OK at the time, and then he thought about how much fun he and Danny had had again. And then he smiled and feel asleep.

The next thing Ben heard was Amber’s voice from the kitchen. "Morning, Mom. Were they asleep when you got home?"

"No, but that’s fine, Love. They can stay up once and a while at that age. We made sure to warn them we were home, and they pretended to be asleep. I let them know I’d be in the kitchen. After five minutes of being quite, they were out like puppies on the far side of the meadow. You have a very cute little boyfriend, by the way?"

"Uh-huh. Danielle says he had curls as a baby. Will he remember me?"

"Of course. Do you mean years from now? That depends on how long you stay in his life. What do you remember from before your third birthday?"

"Danny never remembers anything, does he? Will he ever know what happened."

"If he asks, in a few years, I’ll tell him, but it won’t matter by then. He’s having a good childhood this time, I think. And, no, I don’t think he remembers anything at all from before. A lot less than you do, I’m sure.

"But he is still the same person, Amber. He’s all there. Just happier.

"The Collinses blame themselves for asking too much from Ben, and I thought I was to blame too sometimes, but I think some kids just need to be kids twice to get all they can out of it. It’s the same Danny - he didn’t even lose all the skills he learned last time - they just slept until he needed them again. But it’s a Danny that’s happier, and just fuller. Fuller, is the best word I can find."

"Do you ever wish you had had a second childhood, Mom."

"Sure, but I was too old when the process was discovered. Monique was just over twenty and that’s pretty close to the oldest that works, you know? The really hard part is until they become children again. Do you ever wish you could do that, Li’amber? Or do you ever think you might be one?"

"Yeah. But I think I had a great childhood, and Danny helped me have one. He’s so neat! Whether I am one? -- I think I’m not, but don’t want to know for sure. It wouldn’t make any difference."

"That’s true. And wise. You are good at seeing these things, honey. That’s why the RAS gave you so much to do with Benji. But enough deep talk. Take care of these sausages while I start the waffles."

Ben was still sleepy, but he tried to decipher what he’d just heard. His mom and dad felt guilty about something but could be wrong. Something had happened to Danny a long time ago, but Danny didn’t remember it. Something like what was happening to him. Danny must have shrunk, but he shouldn’t tell Danny that, because he must have been a little kid when it happened. And Amber really did like him, and was afraid he would forget her. She was his first real girl friend! Ever!! That would never happen in a million years!

Then Mr. Stewart came in and said, "We’d better wake those hellions up soon, or they won’t go to bed again tonight."

"If frying sausage doesn’t wake them, what will?"

"Amber’s sweet voice, of course."

 

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