The Exchange,

Chapter 15
The exchange part 15

Chapter Description: Anya and Sandy's relationship becomes stronger

Mother and child arrived back at the apartment, both thoroughly exhausted, but Anya couldn’t stop. If she stopped now she would lose the plot altogether and break down. She couldn’t afford to do that in front of Sandra right at the moment. Her child was the most important thing in her life and she needed to make sure Sandra would be alright. Dumping the changing bag and dragon at the door, Anya walked through the house and straight into the bathroom, turning on the taps and adding bubble bath. She sat on the toilet with the toilet seat down, simply holding Sandra, who hadn’t said a single word since they had left the lab, but who was clinging onto Anya so tightly, lightly trembling, it just broke Anya’s heart.

She stood up, still cradling her child and took a different bottle from a shelf, uncorking it with her teeth she poured liberal amount into the bathtub. It was a herbal remedy very common for use on aching limbs and bruises. It usually worked a treat, Anya didn’t know if it would work on Sandra but she wanted to ease her daughters suffering as much as she possibly could as it looked like Sandra was in considerable pain.

As gently as she could, she eased Sandra down onto the bathroom floor, but Sandra wouldn’t let go of Anya’s pale grey jumper.

"Sweetie, you have to let go. You’re safe now I promise."

Sandra gave no indication that she had understood and suddenly Anya became fearful, what if Sandra had drunk the Syrup, what if she’d been too late.

"Sandy. Can you understand me?" The fear was evident in Anyas voice and Sandra looked up feeling Anya tense. Sandys eyes were puffy from crying but she looked up at her mummy and nodded, not wanting Anya to worry. Relief washed over Anya, she let out an audible sigh.

"That’s good, for a second there I thought I had been too late." Anya smiled at her baby and reassuringly stroked Sandras mousey brown hair.

"Sweetie I want to give you a bath, it will help make you feel more comfortable, I’ve put a healing remedy in the water that should get you on the mend much quicker."

Sandra looked over at the bathtub that was quickly filling up with brightly coloured bubbles, only a few days ago she had splashed around in the water, her daddy had watched her from the doorway, she had felt foolish but equally content. Sandra felt sad now though. She had come to realise just how helpless she actually was. She truly had been at the mercy of Dr Stewart, if Anya hadn’t turned up when she did, Sandra knew that she would have been neutralised. Her mummy had saved her though, she like she’d promised she would. Sandy looked up at the tired looking Anya, seeing the dark shadows under her eyes, seeing Anya for the first time, not as a carer or a mummy but as another woman. A woman who also had aspirations and hopes and who was doing everything in her power to make Sandra happy and to keep her safe.

Slowly, Sandra loosened her grip on Anyas jumper, allowing her mummy to lower her to the floor and strip her of the pink t-shirt and very wet nappy. Sandra actually felt better even though she was naked. Simply getting that nappy off improved her mood and she weakly smiled. Anya returned the smile and tickled Sandra under her chin.

"Theres the beautiful little girl I remember. You’re so cute when you smile"

Sandra grinned as her mummy lifted her up into her arms and lowered her into the bath. As an after thought Anya stood and quickly stripped, allowing her wavy brown hair to spill over her exposed breasts. Sandra noted her mummys neat triangle of pubic hair, and absently wondered how many years it would be before she would grow hair there again. Seeing Anya naked didn’t make Sandra feel embarrassed, it felt natural to Sandra, and Anya carefully stepped into the bath too, making sure not to splash Sandra. Sandra was so small that sharing a bath wasn’t an issue.

Anya pulled Sandra into her, so that Sandy was sat between her mothers legs, facing away from her.. Tenderly Anya massaged shampoo into her daughters hair while Sandy played with the multicoloured bubbles. Sandy was enjoying the personal contact, already feeling the horrors of the last few days ebb away as her mummy gently washed her. Anya hummed a few simple songs as she massaged her baby over with soap and rinsed her off, feeling so much more content now that she had her daughter back, feeling like a whole person once more, feeling like life could be pieced together even without Blake here.

Anya didn’t know what she would do if she saw Blake again, which considering he was the main doctor on board would be inevitable that their paths should cross at some point, she felt betrayed by him but equally realised he had been doing what he thought was best for everyone on board. Anya had played out exactly the same scenario out in her head, wondering if she’d be able to turn Sandra in for testing, but had dismissed the idea instantly, she couldn’t bear to think of her Sandy in pain. Anya knew it was unprofessional and selfish of her to put her child before her entire race, but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. She wanted only what was best for her child. It gave her enormous satisfaction to see Sandra happy and bubbly, and Anya realised she wouldn’t trade Sandy for anything. Anything!

Anya watched as Sandy splashed around in the bubbles. Her bruises and cuts already looked much better now that she’d had a bath and cleaned the grime from her body. Anya let Sandra play for a while, letting her baby soak in the herbal remedy, Anya could feel it revitalising her too, She washed her own hair and scrubbed herself down then stepped out of the bath and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around herself she grabbed another large towel and pulled Sandra out of the bath,

The towel that wrapped around her was warm and fuzzy and Sandra felt relaxed as her mummy carried her through to the living room and dried her down. Laying her baby onto her back on top of the towel on the sofa, Anya dusted her down with talc and put her in a clean nappy then dressed her in her light blue sleeper suit. The soft fleece enveloped Sandy and she tingled all over feeling the stark contrast between her happy content feeling now and the discomfort and anguish she had felt earlier.

"We’re not going anywhere today. I think we both need a day off" Anya said. She gave Sandy a reassuring but weak smile, it had been a very tiring few days, and now she would need to figure out what she was going to do now that she had quit her job. She also remembered something else and carrying Sandra back to the bathroom Anya retrieved her jumper on the bathroom floor that she had been wearing and dug around in her pocket, producing a small metal looking bracelet. It was a plain looking thing of light purple. Sighing she returned to the lounge and sat back down, still only wearing a towel. She settled Sandy on her lap and looked seriously at her daughter. Sandra didn’t realise quite to how much trouble Anya had gone to to make sure her baby was safe. The council had agreed to Sandra’s return on several conditions and Anya might as well let Sandy know these sooner rather than later.

"Sandy, honey. I have something important I need to tell you...well several things really. First off, I love you so much." Anya tickled Sandy and kissed her all over, being rewarded by squeals of happiness. Anya chuckled as well, enjoying the close contact, Sandra had such a soft baby smell, Anya could happily smell it all day. She calmed down, happy she had lightened the mood somewhat and stroked Sandys hair.

"Sweetie. when we leave the apartment from now on, you must wear this bracelet at all times. Its an inhibitor, it will subdue your ranger abilities making them less likely to manifest themselves to such an extent. This isn’t up for discussion. To get you back I had to promise this would be carried out. It won’t hurt you, it’ll just quieten your abilities"

Sandra noted the severity of Anyas tone and nodded meekly. "I understand..." Then as an after thought Sandy added "...fankyoo for saving me mummy. I don’t want to lose my mind. I like me the way I am" Anya nodded and held Sandy close.

"I like you the way you are too, kiddo. you’re my special little Pymatri"

Sandra was confused for a second before she remembered that a Pymatri was that odd jingly pineapple looking vegetable.

"Which brings me to my next point. All the exchange students are awake now. Yesterday the last one woke up. This signifies the proper beginning of our trip home, up until this point we had to stay within a certain distance of your planet in case things went wrong. We now know that we can head home. The final awakening also initiates the ceremony that all exchange students go through, where you get your chip, and an induction so to speak. I know i’ve shown you bits of the ship but that’s not compulsory for a carer to do, so some of the other students probably wont have stepped outsde of their quarters yet. It ends up turning into a giant birthday party really, we have cake and mingle, and you get to see all the other students. I had to confirm that we would be there regardless of what state you were in. I suppose it’ll be good for both of us to make some strong friendships. Specially now that your daddy is no longer welcome here"

Anya felt Sandra tense, then relax as her baby sighed sadly. Anya expected to see anger in Sandras eyes when her baby looked up at her, but her expression was less of anger and more of confusion as Sandy spoke

"He just sorta left me there. He looked really stressed about it. I don’t think he knew they were going to feed me syrup, he sorta put his foot down about that but Dr Stewart didn’t listen to him. I’m angry at him, but...I feel sorry for him too, and I wonder if I had been the adult whether I would have done what he had done. To save my entire race? I think I might have done, what’s one child life worth in relation to thousands?"

Anya listened to Sandra speak as a great lump formed in her throat, this small child may look like an infant, but her words betrayed her true age, her ability to sympathise with the man who had almost cost Sandra her mental faculties and possibly her life, was staggering to say the least.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, not saying anything as Anya rocked Sandra on her lap, idly tracing criss cross patterns across Sandras back lightly with her long slender fingers

Anya sighed hoping Sandra wouldn’t be too angry at the next thing she had to tell her.

"I also had to agree to holding seminars. You’ve been such a success that the council are strongly considering creating more students at younger ages. The problem arises when there are not many on board who know how to look after children so young, so I agreed to hold several workshop classes to show people the basics. I’m going to need your help on that one kiddo, so just thought i’d give you the heads up before I plonk you down in front of a classroom full of students to teach them how to change nappies."

Sandra, felt mortified by the idea, but considering what she had just gone through and if these were the terms that sealed her release from the lab then Sandra could grin and bear it couldn’t she? She searched her mummys face and only saw compassion and worry there. Reaching up, her podgy little baby hands explored her mummys face, and Anya merely smiled at her daughters exploration. Holding sandra and standing up Anya headed back into the nursery and laid Sandra into her cot.

"I better get dressed, then we can play okay, well you need feeding first no doubt, and THEN we can play?" Anya grinned then left the room to head to her own and pick out an outfit. Sandy sat there suddenly feeling panic well up inside of her, her mummy was gone, she couldn’t see her mummy. She trembled violently, Sandra looked down at her shaking hands and tried to rub them together, she tried to mentally calm herself down, it was okay her mummy was only in the next room but Sandra couldn’t help the trembling. Using the bars of her cot she pulled herself into a standing position. She didn’t like being confined, she couldn’t get out, she couldn’t escape.

"MUMMMMMEEE!" She screamed, feeling terrified

Within seconds Anya was back in the room, although without the towel, She rushed over to the cot and pulled Sandra into her arms.

"Hey what is the matter? Have you hurt yourself?" Anya looked confused by the fear on her daughters face.

"Dont leave me, dont leave me okay." Sandra grabbed two podgy handfulls of Anyas wavy brown hair and looked into those deep exotic eyes

Anya didn’t ask why. She simply sighed, guessing the time in the lab had sadly affected her daughter more than she had realised.

"Its okay Sweetie, mummy won’t leave you okay."

Sandra felt foolish, she knew she was safe here, she had tried to reason with herself, but she just couldn’t shake the fear off of her. She felt lucky she had passed out during the tests, she was glad she didn’t know what had happened to her.

Sighing Anya carried Sandy through their quarters to her room. Sandra looked around interested, realising she hadn’t actually been in this room of the apartment yet. Anya put Sandy down on the floor while she went back to the bed where she had already laid some clothes out. Stepping into some panties and clasping on her Bra, Anya watched Sandy attentively as the baby sat on the floor pulling at the feet of her footed sleeper.

Sandra was perfectly calm again now that she was in the near vicinity of her mummy. Deciding now was a good time as any to try to see if her walking had progressed any farther Sandy pushed herself up into a standing position. She was getting more confident at that part so it was noticeably quicker. She looked over at her mummy sat on the bed pulling her socks on.

Sandy was a little jealous truth be told, Being able to dress herself was something she had just taken for granted ever since she had been a real child. How odd that now it was gone it was one of the things she missed most, being able to brush her own hair, chose her own clothes, wash herself, her personal space was gone, she had no privacy any more. She daydreamed about when she would finally start getting potty trained, would her mummy follow her around with a plastic potty, making sure Sandy ’tinkled’ in it whenever she felt the need to go, regardless of who was around. Sandra wasn’t looking forward to that chapter of her life, still she had been reassured that she wouldn’t even be at that stage for quite some time, what was it again? 14 years? Sandys heart dropped and she poked her own belly, feeling the crinkle of the clean disposable underneath.

Out of the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of herself in a full length mirror, shocked she fell over onto her butt. Slowly, wanting to get closer to her reflection, she crawled over to the mirror and touched its cold silky surface. This was the first time she had seen herself since her regression, was it really her. Sure she could see her body and her arms and legs, but seeing this cute little baby girl stare back at her in wide eyed wonder was just surreal. Large blue eyes, short mousey brown hair which wasn’t entirely straight, her hair had a natural curl to it. She looked...adorable. She just looked like any baby might do. She didn’t look abnormal at all. This was her? She poked at her face. Watching the baby copy her.

She pushed herself up against the mirror so that she was standing again and turned her back to the image. Her mummy was dressed now and was pulling a brush through her long wavy hair and tying it back into a ponytail. She wore a light blue t-shirt, it was quite baggy and dark navy jeans. The t-shirt hung in a way that seemed to exaggerate her mummys curves. Sandy stared at Anyas chest and realised she was actually starving. Just the thought of breast milk made her tummy grumble and with more acceptance than shock Sandy realised she was not only getting used to the taste and routine but was actually eagerly anticipating her next feed. A twist in perspective considering the first few feeds Sandy had felt considerably queasy at the thought of sucking on a grown womans nipples to breast feed.

Sandy took one shakey step, then another, towards the bed, her mummy had been watching her and she placed the brush gently down on her lap and stretched out her arms in encouragement.

"Come on Sandy, whose a clever baby. I know you can do it."

Spurred on by her mummys voice she took another shakey baby step and another. Three more and she’d make it. She was actually walking. She felt elated, one more step, then, over balancing she collapsed in a heap. She wasn’t distressed though. She had seen vast improvement from her last attempt. She guessed a few more days and some more time in the baby walked and perhaps she would finally get her feet.

Her mummy gathered her up and kissed her all over in over exaggerated kisses, causing Sandra to squirm and giggle.

"Sandy what a remarkable little girl you are, you’re not supposed to walk yet, you’re doing so well. i’m so proud of you."

Sandy grinned a full on happy smile, making Anya proud of her was just one of the best feelings in the world, better than the awards she had won for public speaking at international scientific conferences, better than when she had gotten the keys to her first house, or graduated with honours or...well... sandy couldn’t come up with a comparison, and suddenly she felt blessed to have been dragged kicking and screaming into the Exchange project. For all of the humiliation and danger she had been put through, being connected to Anya was just the most perfect feeling in the world, and even if a lot of it was due to their shared genetics Sandy didn’t care.

Anya carried Sandy back through to the nursery and sitting back in the rocking chair that Anya and Sandy had had their first conversation in, Anya lifted up her t-shirt, unhooked her maternity bra and let Sandra feed. Sandra nuzzled in and filled her stomach. Anya simply chuckled as Sandra seemed to guzzle away.

"Whoa sweetie, you must have been starving. I suppose it is past lunchtime. Today is just all topsy turvy huh. But if you keep drinking like that you’re only going to give yourself hiccups" Sandra wasn’t really listening, she just focused on what she was doing her whole world was Anyas swollen breasts and then the pain hit her and she hicupped. She stopped drinking, shocked. Feeling trapped wind building up in chest, it hurt.

"Ow."

Anya looked skyward and tutted

"See what did I tell you you silly thing."

Sandy was finding it uncomfortable to breath, then she hiccuped again. She tried to shift her weight to find a more comfortable position. Anya lifted her baby up and draped Sandy over her left shoulder, supporting her by Sandras butt and gently started patting her back. Sandra whimpered a bit between hiccups and then suddenly she felt the burp building in her and travelling upwards. Then she threw up milk. She looked at the mess, wide eyed and mortified, feeling instantly better now that it was out but feeling so ashamed of what she had just done. Anya was lifting Sandra clear.

"I bet you feel better for that huh. You little mess maker. I have to get changed again now." Anya said in mock seriousness.

"I’m so sorry. I...I...didn’t mean it" Sandra felt so bad.

Anya shook her head looking at her baby girl.

"Don’t be silly sweetie, it’s what babies do and to be honest i’m surprised this is the first time that’s happened, the way you eat, you actually deserve to be regurgitating a lot more" She suddenly burst into a loud laugh making Sandra involuntarily jump.

"To be honest when I first took you on, I was expecting sleepless nights and this sort of stuff constantly, but you’ve been kind to me. You’re not what I was expecting at all, but you’re still more than enough for me to handle."

Sandra blushed. Anya got up and together they returned to her room where she picked out a short sleeved pale yellow fitted blouse It had small delicate flowers printed on the fabric. Sandy liked it better than the t-shirt Anya had been wearing and was actually glad she’d thrown up on the previous outfit if this was the alternative. Then they went back into the lounge where Anya put Sandy down into her playpen. Anya crawled over to the bars and hauled herself up to a standing position, watching her mummy heading for the kitchen. Panic set in again.

"Hey, Mummy MUMMY! Wait...." Sandy thought quickly trying to find a way. Any way. To keep her mummy here with her, she didn’t want to be left alone, she was afraid.

"...Do yoo wanna pway?" in her agitation her babyish talking got worse. Anya turned to look at her baby.

"Of course sweetie, but mummy is hungry, she just needs to get a bit of food. I’ll be two seconds." Anya walked back into the Kitchen, and Sandra was alone. She began trembling again and tears welled up in her eyes. She was frustrated at herself, she couldn’t shake the fear from her when she was by herself, she felt helpless, infantile, easy prey. Sandra cried, but her mummy didn’t come straight away. Confused Sandra cried louder, her mummy still did not appear. Frustrated she really gave it her all, bawling large long howls.

Eventually her mummy came in carrying a bowl of something hot, she put it down gently on the lounge table then walked out towards the hallway, coming back with the changing bag and dragon. Anya put the dragon down beside Sandra who had stopped crying once her mummy was back in the room, feeling safe and reassured with her in plain sight. Anya knelt by the playpen, not picking Sandra up. Although she did thread her arm through the bar and pop a pacifier into Sandras mouth. Sandra sucked on it without complaint or a second thought about it. Sandra wanted to be picked up, she wanted hugs.

"Mummy, hugs peese"

Anya shook her head. A look Sandra didnt recognise on her face. Anya was looking sternly at her.

"No sweetie."

NO? Sandra let go of the bars that was helping to keep her standing and flopped back down onto the padded mat of the playpen. No? But Anya had never said no before. What had she done wrong?"

"Bu..."

Anya cut her daughter short. They were walking a dangerous line here and Anya recognised that she had to be firm with her baby, no matter how much she may want to hug the little lost girl she saw sat there in the pen, looking so forlorn and rejected.

"Sweetie, I understand that you have gone through some really bad stuff, but those things wont ever happen to you again okay, you have to understand I will keep you safe no matter what. I’ve kept my promise so far and I intend for it to stay that way. I know you want to cling to me, but you have to be brave and put the bad things behind you okay, or you’ll always be scared. You don’t want to be scared for always do you?"

The adult in Sandra knew that what Anya was saying made sense, she recognised it in herself that this was exactly what she was doing, using Anya as a visual indication that things were safe. She felt stupid, it was such a babyish thing to do, and she mentally felt sick that her adult side hadn’t been able to control such a ridiculous thing. Her mummy continued to speak.

"I’m going to the toilet Sandy. Now your dragon toy will..."

"his name ish Pea." Sandy said through her pacifier. She pulled Pea close to her, his continuing smile made her feel better. He had been there with her, at the lab, he had tried to keep her safe.

"Pea, okay, well Pea will look out for you while I am gone. Nothing will happen, because Pea is magic and I am putting him in charge"

Sandy looked at pea with a new level of respect. He already looked more powerful to her, which was silly, again the adult in her knew he was just fiberfill and fabric, but her childish nature believed her mummys every word and if mummy said Pea was magic and would keep her safe it was like her words were set in cast iron and could not be disputed.

Slowly Anya backed out of the room, Sandy looked distressed but didn’t start crying. One step, two steps, seven steps and Anya was out of the room. Sandy sat there sucking agitatedly on her binkie but realising with elation she wasn’t shaking. She looked at Pea. Pea smiled back, the jingle in his tail jangled happily as she hugged him.

Anya stood just outside of the lounge, back pressed up against the wall she snuck a peak round the corner, she hadn’t needed the toilet at all but it had been a good excuse to put her idea into practice. She smiled feeling incredibly relieved that Sandy hadn’t started to wail. She deliberately waited for a few minutes then came back into the room. Sandy was chatting away to her dragon who just stared happily at her.

"See, all safe and sound." Anya beamed happily at her daughter.

Sandra nodded.

The rest of the day progressed in a leisurely pace of feeding, playing and changing nappies. Cartoons were watched and sandy napped a couple of times. Soon it was time for Sandras bedtime.

Sandy had already succumbed to sleep in her playpen and Anya gently picked Sandra up and carried her to her room, placing her in her cot and putting Pea down beside the sleeping baby.

Anya leaned over the cot bars and stroked her baby’s head. All day Anya had felt content, now that it was just her again with her ow thoughts instead of entertaining Sandy, she felt the doubt begin to creep in. How was she going to keep this broken family going? She had an allowance for the remaining 2 weeks of her adjustment period of looking after Sandra but after that it would take another 2 months until they reached her planet.

The ship was a carefully balanced machine, everyone on board had a part to play, and she had just abandoned her duty by walking out of her job. There would be no roles to fill because everyone was employed. The only vacancy would be the job she had just walked out of, or if someone unexpectedly died although that was highly unlikely. How was she going to survive for a month and a half on no income, more importantly would that put her in jeopardy in remaining Sandys caregiver? Anya doubted that but she couldn’t see how this was gong to work. She massaged her temples and walked from the room. Switching on Sandys night light as she left the nursery. She turned and looked at the tiny form in the cot sleeping without a care in the world.

Tomorrow was a big day. It was the initiation party and Anya was excited for Sandy and concerned. The wardens call incident was ship wide knowledge although the lab incident was not, at least she hoped it was not. She hoped people would be respectful and not bring the incident up in Sandys presence, but equally she hoped people wouldn’t avoid Anya and Sandy because of the whole incident. She guessed she’d find out tomorrow one way or another.

"I’ll keep trying my best for you kiddo, even if my best isn’t good enough."

Feeling the weight of parenthood heavier than ever Anya headed back to the lounge to do some research

Sandra slept on, covered in her patchwork blanket, completely oblivious to her mothers worries as Pea kept vigil.