Chronology

Chapter 2
03:00 pm

Chapter Description: Adam has some regrets, as Matt reaches age 8.

03:00 pm

"Will you switch off that TV? Especially if I’m ’Not old enough to watch it’. I’m only quoting you here" Matt said. Eight years old now, and his clothes would need to be swapped for smaller ones soon. Eight years old and still angry. I could understand why. It was the difference between most people’s mild, friendly teasing, presuming there is such a thing when all teasing hurts, and Matt’s continual insults. Jeff wasn’t the worse one there. I could recognize that, but he had still volunteered just to lord it over Matt. I knew it would be fun to do the same thing to a hate-filled colleague as Jeff was doing. The man who’d hurt me and so many others deserved it not just for my revenge but for justice to be carried out in the world. Except maybe what was happening to him was justice enough. I can’t say it was fate that made him the first test subject, even though it appeared he volunteered for the position, though not many other people wanted it admittedly. I can however say that he was just like the lab mice. This hotel was his prison, and he’d been soaked in mysterious, possibly deadly chemicals for the purpose of experimentation. Except he had the choice. Life seemed very complicated just then.

"I want the TV switched off too" I said, my earlier boredom gone. Replaced with a strong desire to bring things down to their most simple level. Jeff obeyed me.

"You can stop this now. No one’s going to blame you for backing out now. You won’t lose respect, or you’re job or money. You’ve done enough. More than enough. Besides, if the company makes a fuss, we can just lie. Say you changed you’re mind at the last minute. That you only gave yourself enough to make you eight" I said to Matt.

"Someone else will be forced to go all the way anyway. What’s the point?" he asked.

"Just look at yourself. If I was you I’d be begging God for someone else to take over" I said disgustedly. I watched him walk towards the bathroom, where the nearest mirror was. Occasionally he tripped on his too-long jeans. The sleeves of a green long sleeved shirt, a little too colorful for his adult form, were covering some of his hands now. His body was chubbier. His head was almost normal sized, but his body was getting short and thin. A stick figure with a giant head. Plus it could only get worse from here. I knew he would soon have trouble looking in that mirror too, due to it’s height on the wall. He’d complain about it in a light, squeaky voice.

"I asked for this. I’m sticking to it. My appearance will fix it’s self in time. Just keep him away from me" he said, coming back in. I knew his last comment was referring to me, that he wanted to make a point with it, and that he was right. My eyes should have been out on storks. Except he didn’t understand yet that I wouldn’t have sex with a child. Not because I didn’t want to hurt others, although of course I didn’t. Not because I was scared of the consequences, though I certainly was. Even if I didn’t go to jail, an accusation is as good as a guilty verdict in today’s society when it comes to this sort of thing. It was because I don’t find the idea of having sex with a child a turn on. Yet I do find AR sexy. There. The big confession is done with. So, why do I feel like this? Am I a pedophile? Do I have a weird fetish? Am I sick? Surely there must be something wrong with me. I don’t get turned on my normal women, which is why I thought for a while that I was gay, except I realized I didn’t like men either. Still, even if Matt had been a real child, I wouldn’t do what he was practically accusing me of. Does that make it all right? I don’t think so. I know it’s a sin, but, like every other sin in existence, it’s so hard to resist. Indeed, the fact that he wasn’t a real child, but a man in a boy’s body, should have made it even harder to stop myself from seeing him as a fulfillment of my fantasies, but I realized just then that having the actual chance to reach my goal was the last thing I wanted. I only wanted my dream to come true before because before it never could. I’m messed up.

"Perhaps you should be writing the effects it’s having on him down" Jeff said, after his eyes darted from one to the other of us for a few seconds. I wondered if he felt the same way about me as Matt. He was certainly changing the subject to defuse the situation. I decided it was best to play along. I had almost forgotten about the notepad.

"Guess that’s what it’s there for."

I started describing his appearance. Everything seemed to be going as we’d anticipated in that regard.

"Hey am I supposed to just stand here and be observed or what?" Matt asked.

"What do you want to do? I forgot to bring toys. Sorry" Jeff answered.

"I’m warning you. Cut that out. I pay you’re salary."

"That reminds me. If something goes wrong with the antidote, who inherits you’re fortune? I doubt you’ll get paid for this for another decade or two if that happens."

"You won’t have to worry about it. You’ll be gone, I promise. Do you want to make sure it happens either way?"

"Ok. How can I entertain you?"

"Forget you. Some of you’re childish comments are not just insulting but also almost amusing."

Clearly the fact that the antidote might not work wasn’t bothering Matt. Considering how much the thought was bothering me, even though I was still old enough to drive, drink, smoke and vote, though not at the same time, he clearly wasn’t covering up hidden fears with bravado. He had a tendency to do that, but he always went away somewhere to show emotion afterwards. Like going to the bathroom earlier. Jeff treating him like a child bothered him. This didn’t. As for me, I had moved onto describing his mental state, and was having difficulty. He was always someone who put up mental barriers. The way he treated others was the main one. His unwillingness to publicly admit pain was the other, though he seemed perfectly willing to acknowledge any other emotion whenever the opportunity arose. He was a highly reactive chemical. I’d never dare get close enough to analyze his mental reaction to what was happening to him, beyond what observations I could make on my own, from a distance. I could tell he wasn’t thinking like a child though. This wasn’t magic after all. People learn how to walk, talk and, terrible thought though it was considering what he would soon become, go to the toilet. It’s just like being educated in math or history. You hear what someone else says and see what he does, and you repeat it. Even so, I decided to test him.

"I’d better find out if you’re mind is still functioning on an adult level. I’m going to ask you a series of questions. Now-"

"Seven times twenty two is one hundred fifty four, the word secular means not strongly religious, my last girlfriend was called Shelly Olsen, the date is the 18th of August 2009, the current President is George Bush and the opening lyrics of ’Blowing in the wind’ are ’How mamy roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?’ Close enough?"

"Ok. You’re clearly entirely normal."

Maybe there wasn’t anything strange about him trusting everything to work. He clearly believed in his own work, or his own judgment, or at least his own brilliance. He wanted to test it on himself first. That just showed how much he believed in it. I looked at the clock. His age was progressing predictably. I though about him. He took many opportunities to remind people of how much younger, or less significant, or less intelligent, or generally lacking they were compared to him. Probably another reason why Jeff was taking this chance to treat him like a kid. Yet he’d never made a criticism about me that wasn’t right, and he always said that anyone could reach his level or even go beyond it someday. He knew what people were capable of. So I couldn’t help being frustrated with his lack of diplomacy, yet I also couldn’t help but respect him. His clothes were twenty years out of date, but he still thought of himself as "Cool." He had numerous other faults, but there was no denying that he was entertaining. Instead of a desert island disc, I’d want him with me if I got shipwrecked. He’d spear-headed this project and figured out the basic formula for the drug. He knew what he was talking about. Everyone’s a contradiction. I was certainly no saint.

"Ok. Hand me the notebook. If you can’t entertain me, I might as well work" Matt said. I passed it to him. All the reasons why the product would sell it’s self that he’d pointed out earlier were obvious. Except I bet I knew a few more that the advertisers would consider too unsavory to mention on TV. Let me put it straight. I should have been wishing I had a video camera. I should have been jerking off. Except seeing it was different. I used to be into infantilism too, till I encountered someone severally disabled enough to be practically an infant. Trapped in a teenagers’ body. Since then I can’t think about infantilism without thinking about him. Stimulating yourself with AR is sick, and I knew it, but I was always able to suppress the thought up until then.

"I’m sorry" I said. Jeff and Matt both suddenly looked at me, a little surprised.

"What?" Matt asked.

"I said I’m sorry. I know I didn’t do anything to you, but I felt lust for others, just because they were adults with children’s bodies."

"It’s ok. They were fictional."

"I came here because you weren’t. Clearly, if I have the opportunity to see it happen to someone real, I take it. It’s dangerous to even have the someone with the initial thought around."

"It was a thought though. You were able to stop yourself before it went too far. No one’s blaming you."

"I am."

It was mostly silence after that, for a time. We did talk a little. Mostly Jeff and Matt. His clothes got too big for him, so we changed them a couple of times. He hated every one of the new outfits, but he must have anticipated that. The two of us wrote things down, though not together. I guess we should have been preparing for what was inevitably to come as Matt grew, or un-grew to be more precise, closer to infancy. We sort of forgot though. I’d sobered the place up. I would like to be able to say that I resolved to chance my ways then and there. To be a better person. I wish I could tell you that, once I confessed my sins, I made my peace with God. I can’t thought. Heroic, clich?d stuff like that takes longer to happen than you might think. I’m not sure it’s happened at all.

"I’m going to call the company medics. Before it’s too late" Jeff said.