Chapter 25
Part Twenty-Five
Chapter Description: Anna and Ryan share a moment on their way home from a traumatic stay with Ryan's parents. Then, back at college, Ryan buys his wife some gifts.
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As the immediate pain of her punishment started to fade Anna was left with the humiliation that lingered like a bitter aftertaste. She had to sit there as Ryan haphazardly worked out how the restraints worked and fastened them all together leaving Anna trapped in the toddler seat. Her legs swung uselessly off the floor of the car and her padded rear was forced out in front of her slightly.
At least Ryan wasn’t hanging around. As soon as the straps were all tightened he went around to the front of the car. He gave his father a cursory wave before getting in and the wheels spun on the loose gravel as he rushed to get out of there as soon as possible. The car was silent all the way down the long driveway and through the checkpoint at the gate.
Anna felt the weight of everything that had happened crushing down on her shoulders. As the car started travelling down the public roads she quickly found her composure breaking. The humiliations, the punishments, the unwanted sexual advances… it was all too much to take and it wasn’t long before tears were pouring from her eyes again.
When Anna looked over to Ryan in the driving seat she could see he was struggling to keep things together as well. His hands were shaking and he had one of them pressed against his forehead. The way his chest was moving it was clear to Anna he was crying as well.
Anna felt the car lurching rather erratically until they ended up on a long quiet road that had nothing but fields either side. Ryan pulled the car over in a deserted area and rushed out the door as if the car was on fire. He came around to Anna’s door and opened it. As soon as he pressed the button holding the restraints together Anna darted forwards and pulled Ryan into a tight hug. For minutes they cried on to each other’s shoulders, the only sound being their tearful breathing. Neither said a word for the longest time, they didn’t need to speak.
“I’m so sorry.” Ryan said without relinquishing the hug.
“It’s OK.” Anna replied, “It wasn’t your fault.”
“I should never have brought you here.” Ryan continued, “Can you forgive me?”
“Ryan, hey, look at me.” Anna removed herself from the hug, “There’s nothing to forgive.”
Anna and Ryan looked into each other’s eyes and neither seemed able to look away. To Anna it felt like the rest of the world was fading away, that the recent past was already ancient history. The immediacy of the last few days had passed and now Anna found herself with time to think. It didn’t take long for those deliciously warm feelings she had for Ryan to resurface. She felt so conflicted, should she feel guilty for her feelings?
It was the sort of moment where, in a movie, the two of them would’ve leaned in for a passionate kiss. This wasn’t a movie though. After a minute that seemed to pass in the blink of an eye Ryan dropped his gaze to the ground. His cheeks were slightly red as he stepped back and looked out over the field.
“If you weren’t here what do you think you’d be doing?” Ryan asked.
“What do you mean?” Anna replied.
“If you were in an equal society what would you want to do?” Ryan clarified, “You’re smart. You would’ve gone to college. What would you study?”
“I don’t re-…” Anna paused. She would be lying if she said this wasn’t a thought she had fantasized about for a long time. Living in a society that gave her equal opportunities, it felt cruel to even think about it, “I guess… I think… Law. I’d like to be a lawyer.”
“Really?” Ryan sounded surprised, “I would’ve guessed a lot of jobs before lawyer. My dad’s got a lot of lawyers and they do make a lot of money.”
“I’d want to help the disadvantaged.” Anna continued as she sighed wistfully, “A lawyer for those who have suffered injustice or need an ally. I don’t care about money, I’d work for free if it meant saving people from a life like this.”
Anna sighed as she finished talking and sat back in the toddler chair. It felt almost cruel to be made to think about what she wanted from a future that couldn’t possibly exist. It wasn’t like they could just leave Sallas after all. The government in charge had made sure that emigration was incredibly difficult.
Ryan remained outside of the car for a few more minutes just looking out into the wilderness. Anna watched him from the car and wondered exactly what he was thinking. She felt exhausted and the stinging on her butt seemed to radiate throughout her body painfully. She had to admit that the extra padding on the toddler seat did a lot to help cushion her though.
In the end Anna had no idea if Ryan said anything before getting in the car and driving away. She had rested her head against the plastic side of the safety seat with the intention of resting her eyes and ended up drifting off into a sleep that she didn’t wake from even when Ryan came back and started on the journey home.
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“Stupid, stupid, stupid…” Ryan repeated to himself as he walked back on to the campus waving his ID card at the security desk.
Carrying a couple of plastic bags of shopping Ryan started down the long central drive towards the accommodation blocks. Usually he did the shopping on campus but he had gone on a walk for this stuff if for no other reason than to have a long think. It had been a week since the ill-fated Thanksgiving trip and Ryan had spent most of that time apologizing though Anna seemed to hold no ill will towards him. The reason Ryan was chastising himself was the reason he needed some time alone.
“How could you fall in love, you idiot?” Ryan muttered.
Ryan couldn’t deny it to himself any longer. Choosing Anna as his wife had been pretty random but the more he had got to know her the closer he felt. He was in love with her. He loved her rebellious nature, he loved how headstrong she was, he loved her humor, he loved her resilience and he loved the way she looked. Everything about her was enchanting and now he couldn’t get her out of his mind.
It felt like a cruel curse. Ryan was in love with someone who could surely never love him back. He wasn’t even sure that she liked him in the slightest, at best he thought she saw him as some kind of prison guard. He was more lenient than others but that was hardly enough to inspire love. He had forced her into this position and though it could’ve been much worse for her he would totally understand if she didn’t see it that way. Ryan was a feminist in a country that shunned such things.
It was a chilly day. The summer and fall had given way to the cold start of winter. To think it had only been months since his wedding day, it felt like a lifetime had passed by. Ryan certainly never foresaw himself in this position. When he was told he had to find a wife before college he had resolved to swallow his feelings of inequality and be the good alpha Sallasian male.
“Fine job you did of that…” Ryan shook his head.
Ryan walked into the foyer of his apartment building and was glad of the warmth. He made his way to the elevator and pressed the button. As the doors slid closed behind him he looked down at his bags. After the Thanksgiving nightmare Anna’s mood had plummeted. She spent most of her time in their bedroom and it felt like all the progress they had made in opening up to each other had been undone. Desperate to pull his wife through Ryan had gone out and bought some special presents for her.
The elevator doors slid open and Ryan stepped out on to the corridor with their apartment at the end. He started walking down thinking of the best way to present his gifts when the door across the hall opened.
“Ryan!” Paul was his usual boisterous self, “Come in.”
“Well I was just…” Ryan started.
Paul wasn’t listening. He had already turned around and headed back inside the apartment leaving Ryan awkwardly standing in the centre of the corridor. He looked longingly at his own front door before sighing and turning to follow Paul inside.
Paul’s apartment was basically the same as Ryan but mirrored since it was on the other side of the hall. It was also immaculately clean in a way Ryan’s place wasn’t. Anna still kept the apartment clean just for something to do if nothing else but things had relaxed quite a lot. Clearly this wasn’t the case for Jane who Ryan could imagine was being worked like a mule.
“Have a seat. Do you want a beer?” Paul asked as he sat down on the large couch and motioned to the armchair opposite him.
“Not really.” Ryan answered. It seemed far too early for drinks.
“Jane!” Paul yelled out. It was so sudden it made Ryan jump, “Get two beers!”
Anywhere else in the world it would’ve seemed absurd. The kitchen was mere feet away from Paul but instead of getting the drinks himself he called for his wife who was somewhere else in the apartment. Jane dutifully came running out from somewhere in the back. She looked worried and her shoulders were hunched up as if she was expecting a punishment just for existing.
“Have you finished your chores?” Paul asked as two beers were placed on the table.
“Yes…” Jane’s eyes flicked to Ryan briefly, “Daddy.”
“Good. Go play with your toys.” Paul grunted and he jerked his head back a little to the playpen that was behind them.
Ryan looked at the playpen in the living room. It was sparse but there were a few toys scattered around. Jane carefully walked into it and locked the gate behind her. Ryan sipped his beer in an attempt to make it look like he wasn’t sickened by the sight. Jane sat down and pulled a doll towards her, she didn’t smile at all as she started combing its hair.
“It’s good, right? I bet you’ve broken out your one.” Paul was smiling.
“Huh?” Ryan frowned.
“The playpen!” Paul responded like he was talking to a very stupid person.
“Oh, right, yeah.” Ryan quickly laughed until Paul looked over to the playpen.
“Keeps them out of trouble.” Paul chuckled, “I keep Jane in there whenever she isn’t doing chores.”
Ryan looked over again. Jane looked miserable but it was clear that this wasn’t an unusual situation for her. Paul started talking about some sports results but Ryan was neither interested nor particularly listening. He simply nodded and smiled whenever it seemed right to do so. The truth was that he thought Paul was a loathsome man that he tried to avoid whenever possible.
“Anyway, I need to go take a leak.” Paul eventually said. He was apparently too self-centered to realise Ryan hadn’t been listening for quite a while.
Ryan watched Paul walk away down the corridor and wondered if he could realistically use the opportunity to leave. He couldn’t be an ungracious guest though, he had to keep up appearances if he wanted to get ahead in the future. Paul was destined for the top and having him as a “friend” would do a lot for his future.
“Ryan?”
The voice was so quiet that at first Ryan thought he had imagined it. He looked around and when he saw Jane looking at him he frowned. He still wasn’t sure she had actually said something but as Jane looked around nervously it seemed she had something to say now.
“How… How is Anna?” Jane asked. She looked terrified but she was apparently a lot less scared of Ryan than she was Paul.
“She’s fine.” Ryan replied with a little smile.
As Jane smiled Ryan was torn between sadness and fear. He felt so dreadfully sad that Jane had to be so secretive when doing something as simple as asking after a friend and wished he could take her home with him. At the same time he was terrified that she somehow knew that Anna was treated differently to her. He hoped that Anna was smart enough to have kept her mouth shut about what they did behind closed doors. Just the thought that he wasn’t as scary as Paul worried him, if everyone was picking up on that it could be a problem.
“So what’s in the bag?” This time it was impossible to not notice that someone was talking. Paul was walking back down the hallway whilst zipping up his fly.
“Huh? Oh, just some stuff I needed…” Ryan said as he looked down at the bag of shopping and pulled it closer to him.
“Oh yeah?” Paul replied as he reached the table, “Something for class?”
“No, these are-…” Ryan started but Paul was already reaching down for the bag.
It seemed very rude for Paul to just grab at the bag like this but at the same time Ryan wasn’t sure if he could stop him. He was trying to appear casual whilst simultaneously feeling as tense as ever. He had an urge to pull the bag away but it was already too late. Paul was reaching into the bag and pulling out what was inside. He frowned as he looked through the books. He looked at Ryan and frowned.
“Law books?” Paul said, “And a laptop?”
“Yeah… mine has been crashing a bunch so I thought I’d get a new one.” Ryan said as he leaned back and tried to pretend that his heart was practically hammering out of his chest.
“Uh huh.” Paul grunted, “And the books? These are law books…”
“Yeah… well…” Ryan felt like his heart rate was going off the chart. If there had been a doctor in the room he would surely be calling him an ambulance, “Just for personal interest.”
“Wait, your laptop has been crashing?” Paul put the books on the table, “You’ve been taking it to class right? I haven’t seen it crash.”
Ryan was floundering. He could feel sweat all over his body. Paul was looking at him with a frown, as if he had never truly looked at him before. The façade was crashing down around them. Ryan became certain Paul was going to find out the truth. He would be kicked out of school and ostracized, his family would disown him and poor Anna would be sent away to Finishing School
“Do you smell that?” Paul asked as he leaned in closer to Ryan, “It smells like shit.”
“I… I…” Ryan’s throat was closing up and his mind was going blank. He thought he was about to pass out.
Paul stood up straight suddenly and sniffed the air. Ryan inhaled through his nose as well and definitely could smell poop. Both men looked over to Jane at the same time. She was squatting in the playpen looking thoroughly embarrassed.
“For God’s sake!” Paul raged, “How can you embarrass me in front of company!?”
Ryan took the opportunity of Paul turning away to slip the books and box containing the laptop back into his plastic bag. He stood up and had to stop himself from immediately turning and sprinting out of the apartment.
“I’m… I’m sorry!” Jane’s eyes were wide with fear.
“Listen, I have to…” Ryan started.
“You bitch!” Paul shouted angrily.
Ryan wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth even if he did feel intense sympathy for Jane. He simply couldn’t stay and in the tumult of everything that was happening he muttered again that he was going to leave and quietly slipped out of the apartment. He could hear Jane frantically apologizing and crying as he closed the front door. He felt very guilty to be leaving Jane but at the same time he couldn’t risk being found out by Paul.
Without wasting a second Ryan walked across the hallway and to the door of his own apartment. In his rush to get his keys out he fumbled them to the floor but it wasn’t long before he was able to unlock the front door and let himself in. When he closed the door behind him he was able to take a deep breath of relief.
The apartment was silent but that didn’t surprise Ryan at all. Ever since the incident at Thanksgiving Anna had spent most of her time staying in bed or generally hiding away. Ryan didn’t blame her but he did want to try and make her feel better. Complicated questions of love aside he wanted to do the right thing by her.
After taking his coat and shoes off Ryan walked through the living area to the hallway beyond. He passed the doors to the bathroom and the nursery until he came upon the master bedroom. He knocked on the door several times but didn’t hear a response. He wasn’t sure what to do next but decided on slowly opening the door a crack so he could carefully look inside. The lights were off and the curtains were closed.
“Anna?” Ryan said softly.
Anna was under the covers. The only thing sticking out was her feet but as soon as Ryan said her name the mass moved and her head stuck out. Her hair was all over the place and it certainly looked like she hadn’t spent much time out of bed recently. Ryan gave her a small smile as he walked over and sat on the edge of the mattress.
“Hey…” Anna said.
“I bought you some things.” Ryan said as he lifted the bag up and placed it next to him on the bed.
“You didn’t have to…” Anna replied as she pushed herself into a sitting position.
Ryan smiled as Anna reached over to the bag and turned it towards her. He had always loved giving gifts but had so rarely had the opportunity. His father had never wanted presents, he would just say there was no point and he could buy himself whatever he wanted. Ryan in turn was given most of what he wanted whenever he asked so nothing ever felt truly special.
“Books.” Anna sounded genuinely excited as she reached in and pulled out the books that Paul had questioned minutes earlier. She perked up even more as she read the titles, “Law books.”
“I remembered what you said abo-” Ryan started but he was quickly cut off.
With a speed Ryan didn’t know was possible Anna suddenly lunged across the bed and wrapped him in a big hug. He was taken aback but slowly put out his own arms to hug her back. It was an incredible experience. She smelt fantastic, she felt even better. He had to work hard to not get lost in the embrace.
“I know you can’t do the courses and stuff but I thought you might be interested in learning here at home.” Ryan eventually said. Ryan heard Anna sniff and realised she must be crying, “You should see what else is in there.”
Ryan wasn’t going to rush an end to this hug but as Anna pulled away her eyes were much redder than they were before. She wiped them with her arm as she turned back to the bag. Ryan watched as she took hold of the much larger box and pulled it out. He could see Anna looked a little confused when she saw the laptop. She already had one after all.
“It doesn’t have all that filtering software installed.” Ryan said, “You’ll be as free online as anyone else is.”
“But… But what if someone finds out?” Anna asked with her brow furrowed in worry, “What if someone traces the information and finds out it’s me.”
“No one is going to do that.” Ryan replied, “If anyone asks we’ll just say it’s mine.”
“I don’t know what to say.” Anna said as her bottom lip quivered.
“You don’t need to say anything.” Ryan replied as he placed his hand on her back, “I know I can’t undo what happened with my father and I’m certainly not trying to buy forgiveness. I just felt you could really do with this.”
“Thank you.” Anna said softly, “These are the best presents I’ve ever had.”
