Tarzan: Because Every Site Needs A Tarzan Story

Chapter 1
Because Every Site Needs A Tarzan Story

Boy sat on the floor of the jungle treehouse playing with an assortment of small leather pouches. "Get out of here, Cheeta!" He pushed the curious, mischevious pet monkey out of the way. "These aren’t anything for you!"

"Jane happy," Tarzan said, reading the letter he’d retrieved from the village trading post. "Say she come home soon. USO tour almost finished." He folded the note and tucked it back in its envelope. "What Boy have?"

"I bought ’em from a witch-doctor at the bazaar while you were getting Jane’s letter!" Jumping to his feet, Boy held one of the pouches up for Tarzan to examine. Tarzan took it, pouring some green powder into his hand. "He says they’re magic!"

"Magic! Hhmph! Boy get gypped!" Tarzan sneered. "Witch doctor’s magic never work!"

Tarzan tossed the dust to the ground in disgust and was instantly enveloped in a burst of green smoke. Before Boy’s astonished eyes, the jungle lord shrank down to a young boy.

"What... What happened?" Tarzan looked down at himself in shock, then at Boy, who now stood at eye-level to him. "What happen to Tarzan?"

Boy stared, then dissolved into laughter. "Well, I guess the witch-doctor’s magic does work sometimes!" he said between giggles.

Reddening, Tarzan adjusted his now oversized loincloth, which had slid down to half-mast. "Boy make Tarzan big again now!"

"I can’t, Tarzan!" Boy tried to look serious but couldn’t keep a straight face. "It has to wear off! Gee, you look funny, Tarzan! You’re no bigger than me now!"

"Tarzan no think it’s funny!" He drew himself up to his full height and felt his loincloth slip down to his ankles. Cheeta howled a horse-laugh as Tarzan yanked it back up.

"I’m sorry, Tarzan!" Biting his lip to stifle himself, Boy turned back to the pouches, selecting one and pouring some blue powder into his cupped hand. "Here, this’ll fix your loincloth!"

"What that?" Tarzan growled suspiciously, backing away.

"It’s okay, Tarzan! It’ll just shrink your loincloth..."

"No! Tarzan shrunk enough! Tarzan have enough magic!"

"Aw, c’mon..." Boy advanced with the handful of powder. Tarzan grabbed his wrist.

"Tarzan no want!"

"Tarzan, let go!" The two boys wrestled, Boy’s hand twisting in Tarzan’s grip. "Tarzan, cut it out or I’ll..."

The powder spilled from Boy’s hand. There was a burst of blue smoke that sent Cheeta clambering behind the bed. When he emerged, he chattered and did backflips as two now-empty loincloths drifted to the floor and two stark naked boys, neither one more than five inches tall, stood staring at the giant world around them.

Tarzan was the first to speak, his voice a barely audible peep. "NOW look what Boy do!"

"ME? YOU’RE the one who made me spill it!"

"That’s it! Tarzan tired of Boy sassing him! Tarzan still big enough to teach Boy a lesson!"

"Oh yeah? Just try it, shrimp!"

The two jungle boys flew at each other, grappling furiously. Cheeta, meanwhile, had come to a decision. Emerging from hiding, he went over and plucked Tarzan up with his hand.

"Hey!" The tiny, furious Tarzan kicked and squeaked as Cheeta held him between thumb and forefinger. "Cheeta put Tarzan down!"

Boy collapsed in laughter again, but the laughter died when Cheeta plucked him up with his other hand.

"Cheeta! Darn it, Cheeta, you put me down!"

"Cheeta put both of us down! Tarzan mean it! Put us down right now!"

Climbing up on a chair, Cheeta sat down calmly and placed the two squawking midgets face-down over his knee. Pinning them with one hand, he started paddling them in a place normally covered by their loincloths.

"OW! Cheeta, stop it! OW!"

"OW! Tarzan no think this is funny, Cheeta! OW!"

Howling contentedly, Cheeta continued.

"OW! Boy..." Beet red on both ends, Tarzan hissed between clenched teeth.

Boy swallowed. "Y-Yes... OW! ...Tarzan?"

"How... OW! ...long until... OW! ...magic... OW! wear off?"

"I’m not... OW! ...sure.. OW! ...Tarzan. Maybe... OW! ...a couple hours."

"Good. Because... OW! ...when Tarzan... OW! ...big again... OW! ...spanking Tarzan and Boy get... OW! ...now nothing compared... OW! ...to spanking Boy get... OW! ...then!"

Boy gulped. Cheeta brayed a long horse laugh.

"OW!"

"OW!"

"OW!"

"OW!"