The Age Regression of Haruhi Suzumiya

Chapter 1
The Age Regression of Haruhi Suzumiya

Chapter Description: For Kyon and the rest of the S.O.S Brigade, it was just another day in the club room. But when Haruhi makes what she thinks is a harmless comment, things get strange...even for her.

NOTE: This purely fan made. Haruhi Suzumiya and all other characters herein are alone owned by their respective copyright holders. Please support the official release.

Ever since Kyon had enter high school and met Haruhi Suzumiya, he had stopped using words like abnormal, or odd, or weird, or unnatural, or any synonyms of the like. While Haruhi was clearly the most beautiful and gifted girl in his school, she was also, far and away not your average schoolgirl. She only had an interest in aliens, time travelers, espers, or anything that normal down-to-earth people (like Kyon) didn’t believe in. And that wasn’t including her behavioral eccentricities, which are too numerous for ANYONE to go into specific detail. Still, Kyon found himself drawn to Haruhi. Even to this day he can’t explain why, especially since Haruhi more often than not just gives him a headache. But he never intended to give Haruhi the idea to start her own club. In fact, it could hardly be called a club in the first place. Nonetheless, and much to Kyon’s chagrin, he was a key part in the formation of the S.O.S Brigade, a club dedicated to finding aliens, time travelers, espers, and other supernatural phenomena. At first, Kyon just shrugged off the club as a waste of his time. That was until he met Yuki Nagato, Mikuru Asahina, and Itsuki Kozumi.

Not these three were weird enough on their own. Then Kyon found out that each was either an alien, time traveler, or an esper, and each had their own “special” interest in Ms. Suzumiya, who according to them has some special significance and/or power that has to be kept in check, otherwise it might unhinge the very fabric of reality. So yeah, Kyon has stopped using words like weird or unnatural. For him, the weird and unnatural have an annoying tendency to be not only possible, but daily occurrences as well. And all he really wanted was a quiet, average life. Not happening. Not with alien attacks, never-ending summers, super battle waitresses, and with every other fantasy of Haruhi coming to life, threatening to drive out what sanity Kyon has left. Worse than any of that, Kyon found himself getting used to his less than quiet life. But even he, and the rest of the S.O.S Brigade wouldn’t have expected what was happened.

It was like any other school day. Boring and dull, with Kyon certain that every assignment and every test taken today had earned him a poor mark. In despite of this, or perhaps because of it, Kyon dragged his feet over to the S.O.S Brigade club room. Technically, it wasn’t their room to meet in. In the school records, it was still the Literary Club’s room. But since Nagato was the only member of that particular club and voiced no objections to them using the room (nor did she voice her opinion on anything for that matter), it was more or less theirs. So now a piece of notebook paper, with S.O.S Brigade written in Haruhi’s style, was tapped over the Literary Club sign. When Kyon walked in, the scene that greeted him was exactly as he expected, though otherwise might appear odd to those less suspecting. Ms. Asahina was dressed in the maid outfit Haruhi always forced her to wear when she was in the room, huddled over a kettle making tea for the others. Nagato was sitting quietly in the corner reading one of her books. Kozumi was sitting at the long table in the center of the room, preparing an Othello board for them to play. And of course, Haruhi sat at the head of them all in the chair in front of the computer as though it were a throne. Perhaps in her mind it was. She sat cross-legged with her feet in the chair, and maybe it was just Kyon, but she appeared to look rather grumpy. Which could only mean an even grumpier afternoon for him.

“Hey Kyon, get over here,” she demanded of him even before he had shut the door behind him. Kyon gave a mental sigh of exasperation, and then begrudgingly did as he was commanded.

“What now?” he said, hoping she wouldn’t answer, but knowing she would. Haruhi took the computer off the desk and shoved it in his face for an answer. Annoyed that she, as usual, held such little regard for his personal space, he considered telling her off for it. Then he thought better of it, and read what was the apparent source of Haruhi’s obvious bad attitude. At first he was confused. He was looking at a simple calendar.

“I don’t get it,” he said, “It’s just a calendar.” Haruhi groaned, as if he were missing something clear as day.

“The date,” she said in a near shout, “Look at today’s date!”

Further annoyed that he was stupid for not noticing what she meant, Kyon just gritted his teeth and found today’s date. There, he found that today was normal like any other day. Or at least as normal as a day with Haruhi and her band of weirdoes could be. But then he noticed something small written in italic under the number.

National Baby Day.

“So,” Kyon said, still not getting why this would make Haruhi so agitated. Haruhi frowned at him.

“It’s National Baby Day! Can you believe it?! They’ve given a national holiday to a bunch of drooling brats who can’t do anything, while my S.O.S Brigade still doesn’t have a holiday of its own! It’s an outrage!”

Kyon should’ve known. Haruhi always had something of an inflated ego about not only herself, but the importance and significance of her Brigade. As far as she was concerned, she had created the greatest after school activity in the world, and everyone should recognize it as such. Not having her own holiday based on her create creation, was near criminal.

“It’s just a nothing holiday. It doesn’t really mean anything,” Kyon said, trying to calm Haruhi down. If her mood kept up, she’d come up with a scheme to get her own holiday, which would only pass her bad mood onto him. But Haruhi was not so easily convinced.

“What are you an idiot?” she said, rising from her chair as if to drive her point home, “If it says national then it has to be a real holiday. Besides, why would they go so far as to put it on a calendar if it wasn’t real?”

It was shocking to Kyon how one person could be so smart and so stupid at the same time. But he knew better than to say this. In the end, he decided to let Haruhi rant. Maybe if she ranted enough she’d get bored with the idea. And even if not, he knew there was nothing he could say to talk her out of it otherwise.

“Whatever,” was all he said in reply, then he headed over to sit across from Kozumi and play their game of Othello. Kyon’s lack on interest seemed to anger Haruhi more, but all she could do in response was stamp her foot and cross her arms.

“Man, I wish I was a baby. Then this holiday could be about me.” For a few moments after that, it seemed as if that might be the end of the discussion. But as Haruhi was about to sit down, while Ms. Asahina was turning to deliver her tea to everyone, and just as Kyon was about to make his first move, Haruhi gave a sharp intake of breathe. Everyone, with the exception of Nagato, turned to look at her. Haruhi was bending over, one hand clasped on her stomach as if she were having a stomachache. She was breathing hard and long.

“Are you ok?” Kyon asked her, genuinely worried. He’d never seen Haruhi like this before.

“I don’t know,” Haruhi said, looking up at him. “I feel kind of…funny.”

“Funny how?” Kyon asked. Haruhi opened her mouth to speak, but as she did she stumbled forward a bit. After righting herself, she tried to walk toward him again…and stumbled again. It was only at this point that Kyon noticed something was off. It may have been his imagination, but her school uniform seemed bigger on her than before. The ends of her sleeves looked as if they were further down her hands than usual, and it overall seemed to express the curves of her body less. Then, as if in slow motion, Kyon watched as her hands raised slowly further up into the sleeves of her uniform. Haruhi must have felt this, because she brought up her hands to her face to examine them. The sleeves fell further down her forearm, exposing most of her arm as she looked at them. She looked positively perplexed, as if the arm belonged to someone else.

“What’s happening to me?” she asked no one in particular. Was it just Kyon, or did her voice seem to be in a higher octave than before? Just as he thought this, Haruhi looked down and Kyon followed her gazed in just enough time to watch her bright pink panties slip down her legs and pool at her ankles. It was at this point Kyon finally realized what must have been happening. Haruhi Suzumiya…was getting younger! But how was that possible? Even for Haruhi, this was stranger than usual.

Haruhi gave a small yip of shock, reaching down to pull her panties back up. But even with the elastic waistline, the panties were too small for her and just slid back down her legs even faster. She attempted this several more times, her face going red as she did. Her mind must also be regressing, Kyon thought, because she’d never acted this embarrassed before when people saw her in her bra and panties. As Haruhi pulled up her panties for the fourth time, and as they once again fell back down to her ankles, her skirt, still zipped up at the side, followed. And while her uniform was also too big for her now, it wasn’t big enough to completely cover her from the waist down. Kyon couldn’t help but look, and saw only a tiny wisp of pubic hair covering Haruhi’s vagina. If Kyon had to guess, Haruhi was only entering puberty…the completely wrong way!

Haruhi’s hand went to cover herself and tried to run, but her socks and shoes were now also too big, and all that happened was she fell front first to the floor. Haruhi seemed to age back a few more years as she fell, because as she lay of the floor, all she could manage to do was crawl out the neck of her uniform, her bra catching slightly on one of her feet. She stood and shook it off, realizing only after freeing it from herself that she was completely naked. She and the others looked over her youthened form. Gone were her womanly curves, leaving her form skinny and unsexy. Her once substantial boobs were now flat and unappealing. And what little pubic had been left before was now gone, leaving her vagina hairless. She looked to be only 7 or even 6 years old. As she took her new body in, she raised up her hands touching several parts of her body as though she wanted to confirm her situation with her own hands. She pulled at her childlike nipples, but no boobs reappeared. She rubbed her palms over her stomach and hips. She even ran her fingers over the lips of her vagina, but it was still as smooth as if no hair had ever been there. It was true then; the sexy and brash Haruhi Suzumiya was indeed now just a little girl again. She looked up pleadingly at the others, quietly asking for someone to help her. But all the others could manage was to watch and look on in silent awe. Even Nagato had put her book aside long enough to watch what was happening, though she still wore the same bored expression she always had.

Not thinking clearly, Haruhi ran for the door, trying to find someway out of this situation. But her body was still regressing, and she was only 5 years old when she reached the door. She was short for her age back then, and barely grasped the doorknob. But even still, the door was locked, and by the time she realized this, the door rose up out of her grasp before she could unlock the door. Now she was trapped. She turned again to the others, not bothering the cover herself. Now that she was only 4, she no longer had modesty. But she still knew enough of who she was before. But not for long. Finally, she locked her gaze onto Kyon.

“Hewp me,” she said quietly, the words having trouble forming in her mind and mouth. She walked toward him, stumbling a bit, not used to her legs. Soon, she fell to her hands and knees, and was crawling toward Kyon instead of walking. She tried to call out for him again, but all that came out this time was a baby’s garble. Finally, as she reached only 1 year old, she rolled onto her back, gently going and swinging her arms and legs playfully like any baby. She didn’t cry, or scream, or yell. She just lay there calmly, as though this were how it always was. The others were speechless for a long time before any of them even dared to approach baby Haruhi. Mikuru was the first to approach her.

“Awww, she looks so cute,” Mikuru exclaimed, bending down to scoop up the small child in her arms. Haruhi continued to coo and wave her arms innocently at Mikuru as she held her. She rocked Haruhi back and forth like she was her own child. Kyon thought Mikuru looked very motherly as she held the baby Haruhi, and Haruhi didn’t look out of place in Mikuru’s arms either.

“Well, this is rather interesting,” Kozumi said, finally speaking up, sounding only mildly amused.

“Interesting?” Kyon exclaimed, shocked at how claim everyone was taking this. “Haruhi just turned into a baby before our very eyes, and all you can say is that it’s interesting?” Kozumi regarded him with his customary smile.

“I am only trying to stay calm in order to figure out what has happened,” he told Kyon, as if explaining what should have been obvious. But Kyon was beyond acting calmly.

“What happened? I just told you! Haruhi has turned into a–”

“Shhhh.” Kyon turned to see Mikuru holding up a finger to her mouth. “Not so loud. You might scare her.” Kyon look down and watched as Haruhi played with a long strand of Mikuru’s hair. Mentally, Kyon noted that nothing probably would scare Haruhi, even as a baby. If her older self was any indication, then she was not like normal infants.

“Here’s what I think happened,” Kozumi interjected quietly before Kyon could add anything further, “We all heard Ms. Suzumiya say she wished she was a baby. And we all know that with her powers, if Ms. Suzumiya truly wishes something…she gets it.”

“So you’re saying she truly wished to be a baby?” Kyon asked. It made sense he thought, but it still didn’t make it any less odd. “Well do you think she can change herself back?”

“I don’t think so,” Kozumi said grimly, finally showing some form of emotional reaction, “Remember that her powers were dormant until three years ago. Now that she is a baby, I believe her powers will have once again gone silent.”

Kyon looked to regard Haruhi, only to see Mikuru undoing part of her top and revealing her lace bra. Haruhi was cooing happily, reaching up her small hands toward Mikuru’s breast. Kyon thought he knew what was coming.

“Wait! What the–”

Kyon was speechless. But Mikuru, who was normally so shy about her body, didn’t seem to mind this exposure. Instead, she only smiled at him.

“I can’t produce any milk. But she seems to want to anyway, and maybe it’ll get her to quiet down a bit.” With that said, she drew out one of her boobs and pressed her nipple to Haruhi’s lips. Instantly, Haruhi’s mouth latched onto Mikuru and she was soon suckling happily. Kyon watched in awed silence as Mikuru breastfeed Haruhi. The sight was so ironic Kyon could hardly stand it. Mikuru, the girl whom Haruhi had sexually molested so many times, both for herself and others, was now breastfeeding her. He wondered if the baby Haruhi had any recognition of her old life and Kyon thought that if she did, Haruhi might have been doing this on purpose. She certainly would have loved the idea. Afraid of looking like a pervert, he forced himself to look away.

“So what are we going to do then?” Kyon asked. Kozumi thought this over for a long moment, but threw up his arms in a shrug of surrender. Kyon then turned to Nagato, who answered before he could even ask the question.

“The Thought Entity cannot manipulate the physical data of Ms. Suzumiya, nor can it do so with any other organic life form.” Kyon was listening, but the sounds of Haruhi’s sucking of Mikuru’s boobies was distracting, not to mention infuriating. Even as a baby, she had all the fun. Kyon wanted to throw out a suggestion of his own. But his mind went as black as the others, leaving the entire group to ponder Haruhi’s future fate, as she slowly drifted off to sleep, still suckling on Mikuru’s breast, completely unaware of anything.

* * *

In the end, all they could do was decide that Haruhi would have to grow up again, just like any other human child. Of course, this meant that Nagato had to manipulate the school in order to say that Haruhi transferred, but also manipulate the memories of her family to make them think they never had a daughter. Kyon asked why Nagato didn’t do this before with Asakura, or make the whole school forget Haruhi, but she explained that it was difficult and dangerous to manipulate organic memory, and to do so with too many life forms might trigger an atomic collapse.

So, it was decided that Kyon would care for her (much to his dissatisfaction) until Kozumi and his organization could find her a new family; one in which they could observe her more carefully. And while Kyon’s sister was pleased at her arrival, Kyon was not. He was essential in charge of caring for her, and just as he thought, even as a toddler she was no picnic. She cried constantly and over the littlest things and fought him every time he tried to feed her. Even worse was he had to bath her and change her diapers, which was both awkward and uncomfortable for him. Still Kozumi assured him the arrangement was only temporary. And after what felt like forever, Haruhi was taken into the care of her new family, which Kyon later learned were part of Kozumi’s organization.

Without a leader, and with no real need for the club anymore, the S.O.S Brigade eventually disbanded. Though out of sheer boredom, Kyon and the others still meet in the Literary Club room, just to hang out and get regular reports on Haruhi. And no matter what he heard, Kyon thought the same thing he always thought.

“Typical Haruhi.”